Flaws
by a-sleepingdragon
Summary: After being tortured Hermione struggles with the aftermath of it. With a little help from Fred, she'll soon realise that everyone is a little flawed but that doesn't mean that they're not beautiful.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

 _It's Ok by Tom Rosenthal_

WARNING: This is a dark story. It deals with torture, murder, dubious consent and foul language. This will be the only warning.

A/N: This is my first ever multi-chaptered fanfic and I'm a little nervous about it. The prologue is a little short but rest assured the other chapters will be much longer. I'd just like to point out that even though this is a Fred/Hermione story there's isn't going to be much interaction between them until chapter 4.

Also if anyone is interested in beta'ing this story please message. Hope you enjoy !

XXX

When Hermione was eight, she remembered coming down the stairs and heading for the living room only to be stopped by her mother who instructed her to go back and play upstairs while the adults talked. She cast a quick glance into the room and noticed all their neighbours sitting on the sofas. The dining room chairs had even been brought in to accommodate everyone. Never one to disobey her parents Hermione agreed and carried on up under the watchful eye of Adeline Granger.

And Hermione did stay in her room, for a total of five minutes, time enough for her mother to have ascertained that she had obeyed her and to have made her way back to her guests. She quietly crept out of her room and sat at the top of the stairs listening to them talk. The adults weren't even whispering like they did when they knew kids were around, safe were they in the knowledge that Hermione was out of earshot.

That was the day she found out that little Dan from two doors down had drowned in his parents pool. They talked in detail about how it had happened. How Dan had seen his older brothers swimming without any floaters and had wanted to emulate them. How his mum hearing the doorbell ring had gone indoors to see who was at the door and the little boy had taken the opportunity to jump into the pool without his floaters. She hadn't been gone for more than ten minutes, signing for a package, but it was already too late, she had come back to find him floating face down in the water. Hermione remembered how the women gathered around the little coffee table had gasped in unison and how she herself had felt her stomach clench in horror, tears burning at the back of her eyes.

However that day Hermione had learned something else, something that had stayed with her to this day, far longer than any other piece of information she had learned at that age. Voluntary Apnea. Those two words rang in her head for days and she could still hear Doctor Maller, her parents' friend, telling them about it.

He explained to them, how when you are drowning you don't inhale until right before you black out. Hermione remembered wondering if a boy as young as Dan would have known to not open his mouth to let air in. She later found out that it was a survival mechanism, ingrained in everyone to give them a chance at survival. And then Doctor Maller, wanting to reassure his friends and neighbours had told them he surmised Dan hadn't suffered much. Because when you can no longer hold your breath and you feel like your head is going to explode, you finally take a breath, you let the water in and it stops hurting. It gets kind of peaceful and you black out.

At the time, Hermione had trouble believing that. Though it was a comforting thought that in his last moments little Dan hadn't suffered as much as she would have expected, she couldn't believe that willingly inhaling water could actually be peaceful. Now, ten years later, lying on the marble floor of Gringotts, in a pool of water and her own vomit, her head throbbing from a lack of oxygen she could only hope that what she had learned so many years ago was true.

XXX

Hermione woke up abruptly, a cry escaping from her lips as she sat upright in bed. Her lungs were on fire and she was finding it hard to breathe. Struggling with the sheets that were tangled in between her legs, her hands searched frantically under her pillow for her wand that she usually kept there. As she looked around for a wand that wasn't there, the realisation that she wasn't in a tent dawned on her and her stomach dropped in dread. The events of the previous day unfolded in her head and she felt sick at the thought of having been captured, her breathing became ragged and tears started prickling her eyes. The fact that she was in a bed and not thrown in a wet and dingy cellar had not yet occurred to her. She remembered being tortured by a Death Eater and that was proof enough that things had gone wrong. Hands shaking she tried to get out of bed so she could find her wand and get away from whatever place she was in.

Hermione managed to tentatively stand up, her feet still somewhat caught in the sheets. The room was spinning around her and she was feeling faint, her moist palms gripped onto the bedside table to keep herself steady. Panic was rising in her chest and she stumbled a few steps forward before a searing pain shot up the right side of her body causing her to stop and steady herself on the wall.

Hermione's whole body had started to shake and she couldn't catch her breath. She could hear the floorboards outside the room creaking as someone approached the door. Her heart was pounding out of her chest and as the door opened and the soft glow of a candle filled the room, she slumped to the ground sweat dripping down her forehead and down her neck.

Fleur stepped in holding a bowl of water and a flannel in one hand and a candle in the other. At the sight of Hermione collapsed on the floor, a look of surprise flashed across her face quickly followed by that of worry. Hurrying across the room she put down the items she was holding on the bedside table and crouched down beside her, brushing the hair away from her face.

"'Ermione what eez wrong?" the Frenchwoman asked, her voice calm, despite the concern she felt at having found the young witch on the floor.

Hermione's eyes found those of the blond woman and a confused looked passed through her face. She didn't know what was happening anymore, she had been so sure that she had been captured, her brain felt fuzzy as if she was wading through cotton. "I…I can't… breath," she managed to pant out, tears now streaming down her face.

Fleur took a hold of Hermione's hand and placed it on her chest, between her breasts and started taking deep breaths. "Concentrate on my breathing. In. And out. Say it with me 'Ermione. In. And out."

Startled at first, Hermione did as she was told, repeating the words as Fleur instructed her to. Slowly she felt her breathing start to even out as the French woman soothed her with words of comfort and encouragement.

"You shouldn't be out of bed," she said when Hermione had managed to calm down. "Your injuries are not fully healed," she continued taking her wand out of her dressing gown and casting a basic diagnostic spell on her.

"Are you fine to stand up?"

Hermione nodded her approval and Fleur placed one hand under her armpit and the other held on tightly to her hand as she helped her up and together they slowly made their way back to the bed.

"Where am I?" Hermione questioned as Fleur helped her get into the bed before bending down to pick up the sheets and casting a cleaning charm on them. Once the sheets were clean she proceeded to tuck the young girl back in.

"You're at Shell Cottage," she replied a warm smile spreading on her face.

Hermione watched as she reached for the flannel and the bowl of water she had come in with and started to wipe the sweat from her brow away. The water was cool and felt nice on her overheated skin. Her night-dress, which she now realised did not belong to her and was probably one of Fleur's, was damp with sweat.

Settling back under the sheets, she let the young woman fuss over her. Her whole body ached from overexertion and her still unhealed wounds.

Hermione closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on breathing slowly. Fleur took hold of her wand once more and with a swish the curtains parted open and the window opened just enough to let the night air in.

The fresh sea air filled the room helping to ease the musty smell that had developed from not having been opened for a prolonged amount of time. Hermione could hear the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore and it left her feeling uneasy. She didn't know why, but it made her feel uncomfortable. It reminded her of that feeling you get in your gut when something bad is about to happen. She couldn't put her finger on it. Trying to block it out she concentrated on Fleur's reassuring touch and repeated to herself over and over again that she was safe.

Until finally sleep overtook her.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter** **1**

 _What Now by Rihanna_

 **XXX**

Hermione was lying on her back staring at the ceiling. The first rays of sun were peeking through the curtains from a little gap in the middle, letting in just enough light for her to distinguish shapes in the dark. It had been more than a week since she'd had a full nights sleep. Ever since she had woken up back at Shell Cottage, sleep had come in fretful doses. She would wake up in the middle of the night screaming from her night terrors, her heart thumping in her chest and tears streaming down her face.

The Dreamless Sleep potion Fleur would give her every night had no effect on her, either because she took it too often and had built an immunity to it or the dosage wasn't strong enough. She had asked the blond woman if she could take more when she woke up in the middle of the night, but Fleur had shaken her head in refusal, the risk of addiction being too high.

Sighing she pushed the sheets off of her, sitting upright on the edge of the bed, her feet just about skimming the floor. Hermione stretched out and grabbed the housecoat Fleur had left for her on the bedside table. Padding across the room to her en-suite bathroom, she closed the door behind her and with a trembling hand opened the hot tap in the sink, watching it spiral down the drain while the uneasy feeling she had become used to settled in her stomach .

After the first night where she had woken up confused, Hermione had quickly come to realise that being around and even worse in contact with water made her anxious. The thought of having a shower, water running down her face and into her nose and mouth was enough for her heart to start pounding in her chest and a cold sweat would start to develop down her back. She knew that her fear was irrational. She had never suffered from it before and had told herself multiple times that it was just in her mind. Nothing would happen to her if she went for a shower. She wouldn't drown. She couldn't drown. Not in that tiny space where she was in control of everything that surrounded her. No matter how many times she told herself that she just had to hear a tap running for the gut wrenching fear to reappear.

Hermione sighed as she watched the steam from the tap rising up and start to fog the mirror over the sink. Breathing evenly to try to control her nerves she tried to remember what had happened in the last two weeks.

Everything seemed to be such a blur, having slept through most of it. Hermione had felt as if her feelings of negativity and uselessness were weighing her down. She had crawled into bed hoping that the feeling would pass, but it only got worse. Nothing she did seemed to shake the feeling away. She had woken up once to find a pile of books on her bedside table and had thought that reading would cheer her up, but she found no joy in the pages and she didn't see the point in persevering. She hadn't touched a book since.

She felt apathetic and not even Harry and Ron coming to check on her changed that. In fact, it just made her retreat even more into her shell, she didn't even turn around to look at them. After all, they couldn't possibly understand what she was going through so why try to explain it to them.

Sometimes when she was feeling particularly low she resented them for what had happened. For agreeing with her idea, for letting her go on her own. And when the night terrors were particularly bad and she woke up in a panic, she even wished it was one of them and not her that had been tortured. She hated herself for it afterwards, for thinking such horrible thoughts, for wishing her friends evil. If she were truthful, she wouldn't even wish what happened to her on her worst enemy.

The only constant in her life was Fleur. The young French woman would come up multiple times a day either to bring her food or just to keep her company. Fleur never had a worrying or pitying look for her as the others did and instead engaged in cheerful small talk with the brunette. She didn't even care that Hermione didn't answer and she just continued talking for both of them.

Bringing herself back to the present, she wiped the steam that covered the mirror with the sleeve of her housecoat and stared at her reflection. Today her negative feelings didn't seem so bad, it felt more like a vague sadness surrounding the edge of her mind. She still might burst into tears at the smallest thing, but at least it was manageable. At least she could get out of bed.

Her eyes examined her face for the first time in months. Her hair had lost any lustre it had previously held and hung in dry, limp curls around her face. The bags under her eyes were more prominent than they had been during third year with the Time-turner. Her skin looked dull and her cheeks seemed to have lost the last bit of their youthful chubbiness.

Hermione had never been one to care much about her looks. After all, she had spent six months living in a tent without a mirror to look into and it had never bothered her. But now she held a new-found fascination for the piece of reflective metal for the simple reason that she no longer recognised the person that was staring back at her. She knew that that was indeed her, she just couldn't help but feel that the way she looked didn't match the way she felt inside.

She sighed and turned the water off. There was no point standing there trying to convince herself to go for a shower when she knew it wouldn't happen. Casting a Cleaning Charm on herself to look presentable, she gave herself one last look in the mirror before leaving the bathroom and crawling back into bed. She still had a little time before the others would be awake and she was hoping to get a few extra hours of sleep.

 **XXX**

The door creaked open and Fleur entered, a breakfast tray filled with food levitating in front of her. Hermione rolled over and checked the time on the clock by her bedside, eight thirty sharp, Fleur was always so punctual in bringing up her meals. Hermione felt oddly comforted with that knowledge, she had come to depend on her routine and felt ill at ease when something didn't go as planned. She found that because she had so little control over her emotions of late, the little control she could find was a welcome relief. The young French woman placed the tray on the little desk at the other side of the room that now served her as a makeshift dining table. With a flick of Fleur's wand, the curtains in her room flew open and the spring light filled the room. Hermione squinted at the sudden burst of light and watched as Fleur busied herself around the room. Without a word, the brunette wrapped a blanket around her shoulder and made her way to the tiny table.

"Ze twins are going to bee staying 'ere, zey 'ave been driving Aunt Muriel crazy with all zeir experiments. Last night zey were brewing a potion and eet exploded, burnt holes in ze carpet and curtains in zeir room. It was ze last straw, she went crazy. If you ask me I think zey did eet on purpose." Fleur announced while tidying around the room, dusting the bedside table and making the bed.

Hermione smiled to herself, only the twins would create a mess to escape from something. Fleur, noticing the brunette's reaction, felt her shoulders relax slightly. Today seemed to be a good day for the young witch, she looked less dejected than usual and she didn't have to fight with her to get out of bed and have breakfast like she normally did.

Fleur knew that something was wrong with Hermione, they all did, her behaviour was far from normal. Like everyone else she had tried in the beginning to find out what was causing this sudden change in behaviour, but had been met with blank stares from the young girl whenever she broached the subject. She had soon given up, Hermione would tell them what was bothering her when she was ready and there was no point in harassing her.

"I told them zat if zey ruin my carpet or cause any explosions in ze 'ouse I would cut Fred's ear off and make zem look like twins again" Fleur laughed.

"Zey will have to stay in ze sitting room. Zere aren't enough rooms 'ere. When Ginny found out ze twins were staying 'ere she insisted on coming too but zis isn't a hotel. I 'ink she likes me less now zen she did before. Tant pis," she said shrugging her shoulders. "And anyway, she eez 'ere most of ze day and only goes back to Aunt Muriel's to sleep."

The room fell into comfortable silence as Fleur went around organising the room while still keeping an eye on the witch.

"Ginny's here?" Hermione finally asked in an attempt at conversation.

Fleur smiled, yes today would be a good day she thought to herself. "Yes, she eez 'ere every day complaining about Aunt Muriel and trying to make me feel bad. She even got Ron trying to convince me. But eet isn't going to work," she chuckled.

"You should go see zem, you know. Zey are squatting in my sitting room, plotting about something or ze oder. Zey think we can't see."

Hermione hummed softly, having finished eating she pushed her plate away from her and leant back against the chair bringing one foot up to rest on the seat of the chair.

"Harry and Ron 'ave gone to see Remus but they should be back after lunch. I think eet would be good for you to get some air, get out of zis room. You must be bored of eet, non? I know zey would be 'appy to see you."

Hermione shrugged her shoulders, tugging a loose strand of hair behind her hair she twisted around to face Fleur.

"I'll think about it."

 **XXX**

Hermione was standing in front of her bedroom door, mentally preparing herself for what laid behind it. She had spent the time since Fleur had left weighing the pros and the cons of leaving her room.

Once she stepped out of the door she wouldn't have any control on what was happening around her. She had become familiar with everything in her room and with the routine Fleur had inadvertently created, she knew what to expect and for how long. Hell, if she wasn't feeling up to it she could just pretend she was asleep.

On the rare moments, she wasn't troubled by the weight of her despair Hermione had tried her best to push away the memories that were plaguing her in an attempt to feel better. She hadn't been very successful, the memories still gnawed at her brain, lurking in the corner ready to pop up at any given moment. She knew her friends would want to talk about what happened to her, ask her questions and she dreaded it. Hermione wasn't ready to tell her story, she didn't want to answer any questions. She just wanted to be left alone to deal with this. She knew that once she stepped out of her room there would be no more hiding. And it terrified her.

Hermione sighed and with a shaky hand grasped the handle and opened the door. Making her way to the staircase, she descended slowly, her hand taunt on the rail, her grip tightening the closer she got to the landing. She could hear the distinctive voices of Harry and Ron coming from the sitting room, as well as others she knew, were familiar but, couldn't quite put a name to them. A wave of apprehension flooded her stomach. As she reached the bottom of the stairs Hermione's arms wound their way around her waist, holding herself tight as she entered the living room.

The room was different, she realised as she scanned it. It looked more like a camp than anything else. The big settee that normally throned in the middle of the room had been transfigured into a single bed and the plush armchair that was normally reserved for Bill had received the same treatment. The two beds sat next to each other separated by a small coffee table, one of the few things that had been left unchanged. A small cauldron was bubbling away atop it and potion ingredients were strewn all around. Bright orange boxes with the Weasley Wizard Wheezes logo were lying around the table and clothes were scattered around and overflowing from a small suitcase by the fireplace. Sitting on the floor around the table were Harry, Neville and Ron all of whom were paying close attention to what Fred was telling them in hushed tones. George and Ginny were sitting on one of the beds while he showed her how to strap what looked oddly like a holster onto her forearm.

Oblivious to her presence in the room they continued their conversations and Hermione took the opportunity as she stood in the doorway to focus on them. Neville had changed the most since the last time she had seen him she realised. He had lost all of his puppy fat and looked much older than he actually was. He had managed to build up quite a physique in the few months and she briefly wondered what they could have been doing at Hogwarts for him to have changed so much. Hermione's eyebrows knitted in confusion as she noticed the scarred flesh that covered more than half of his neck and disappeared under his top. She shuddered at the thought of what spell would inflict such damage that a healing spell couldn't restore it properly.

The twins had grown out their hair and it just about covered their ears giving them a boyish look, quite reminiscent of their fifth year. Ginny was the only one who remained unchanged from when she had left, a determined look on her face as she paid attention to what George was telling her.

Deciding it was time to make her presence known she cleared her throat and watched as their heads swung up to look at her. "Surprise!" she said as enthusiastically as she could, trying to hide the anxiety that was rising in her chest.

The room fell silent as the group of Gryffindors stared at her in stunned silence. Fleur had mentioned to Harry that she had tried to talk Hermione into leaving her room, he had thought it would be a while before she actually made an appearance and hadn't thought to warn the others of her possible arrival.

The Weasleys were all aware of Hermione's condition, after all, they had been present when Harry and Ron had brought her back to Shell Cottage after the elephant of Gringotts. Since then there had been a nightly meeting between them to monitor Hermione's progress. She was part of their family in equal rights as any of them and they were all worried about her. Her lack of progress worried them and they didn't know what to do to help her.

"Hermione," he said and her eyes snapped up to meet his, "what are you doing here? Should you be out of bed?" he asked worryingly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she answered, giving him a timid smile. "Thought I'd get some fresh air and maybe see if you and Ron wanted to… hmmm… talk," she finished in a soft voice, unsure of what exactly she wanted to do.

Harry's eyes opened slightly in surprise and he ran his hand through his already messy hair. Hermione had successfully managed to shut them out whenever they went to see her and her sudden change in disposition startled him, he wasn't sure how to deal with it.

"Sure," he answered as he and Ron exchanged a hopeful look. "Why don't we go to the beach and really get you some fresh air."

"No!" she blurted her eyes wide in panic as they all exchanged a look of consternation at her outburst. "No," she repeated again, this time, more quietly, "I'm not dressed for it," she continued indicating the thin housecoat Fleur had lent her.

"I think ... and I might be going out on a limb when I say this, but I'm pretty sure there's a spell for that," George said a small smile lifting up the corners of his mouth though his eyes betrayed a look of confusion.

"Even so, I don't really fancy going out right now. It looks far too windy," Hermione answered meekly, a poor excuse even for her.

"Fine, how about we go into the kitchen, maybe get something to eat," Harry said just as Ron was going to question her further. He didn't think that Ron's boorish ways where the way to go, not when they were getting a semblance of Hermione back.

She nodded slowly and turned around, heading into the kitchen, ignoring the other occupants of the room as she left. Harry and Ron gave each other a questioning look before standing up and trailing behind Hermione as four sets of eyes followed her out.


	3. Chapter 2

_Dreams by Bastille ft Gabrielle Aplin_

A/N: For some reason this chapter really gave me hell. On the bright side it gave me time to work on the other chapters.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed but especially to the two Guest reviewers whose comments had me smiling for days and really helped me get through the block I had.

 **XXX**

"Hermione, are you OK?" Harry asked, interrupting her thoughts.

Tearing her eyes from the window Hermione's eyes locked briefly with Harry's. "Yeah, I'm fine," she answered, "Just thinking about something."

Upon entering the room, she had chosen the seat closest to the door for the easy escape it provided her in case something went wrong and she had to make a quick exit. It was only once they were all comfortably settled in their chairs that she realised just how bad her choice had been.

Her chair was facing the large window that gave out to the beach with a very clear view of the sea. She watched as the waves crashed onto the shore sending a chill down her spine, yet she couldn't tear her eyes away from the spectacle. It was incessant, unremitting, unending and left her with a deep feeling of nausea in her stomach.

"Does that something have to do with what happened at Gringotts?" Harry tentatively questioned, his eyes darting towards Ron who looked ill at ease with the conversation at hand.

"What? No!" Hermione replied, nervously tearing through a napkin that had been left on the table, not wanting to make eye contact with either of them.

Harry watched her intently before nervously running a hand through his hair. He didn't know how to go about this conversation. When he had first been to see her after everything had calmed down and she had been tended to by Molly and Fleur, he had been taken aback by her sudden change in demeanour. She had been despondent and had refused to speak to anyone that came to see her, preferring to spend her days in bed, surrounded by darkness. The only time she ever reacted to something, was when Mrs Weasley had tried to open the windows to get some fresh air in her room and she had lashed out, shrieking that they leave her things alone. Molly hadn't been to see her since. Harry surmised that Hermione hardly remembered the episode, dazed as she was.

It had overwhelmed him, seeing Hermione like that. He had been so reliant on her during those months they spent on the run, she had been his rock whenever things weren't going the way they had planned it to and to suddenly see her looking so vulnerable and dejected had shaken him.

Looking at her now, though, he realised she looked better. There was still a distant look in her eyes and dark purple bags adorned the delicate skin beneath them, but the fact that she had left her room of her own will and was now trying to make conversation with them showed that she was getting better.

"Hermione," Harry started, clearing his throat, "what… what happened at Gringotts?"

"I don't remember," Hermione answered.

This is what she had been worried about. She didn't want to talk about what had happened to her. It was bad enough to have to think about it, saying it out loud terrified her.

"What do you mean you don't remember," Ron interjected his eyes finally meeting hers.

"It's all very vague."

 _Liar._

"I can remember bits, how we got there, when Bellatrix and the other Death Eater's appeared, the chase down the different corridors, getting to the main hall and hoping to see you. I remember being hit by a Crucio," her eyebrows scrunched in mock concentration as if she were trying to remember something when in fact the memories were constantly there, "it was more than one Crucio, maybe two or three. I don't know I lost count. That's… that's all I remember."

 _Liar._

"I couldn't even tell you who it was."

 _Pants on fire._

Hermione hadn't planned on lying to her two best friends. She had thought to tell them that she wasn't ready yet to share her story with them. Once seated, however, she could see the worry in their eyes just thinking about the conversation they were about to have. She didn't want to burden them with what had happened to her. Hermione herself was trying to avoid thinking too much about it, she didn't want to dwell on it and it would be selfish of her to have Harry and Ron worrying about her too. She didn't want to be a burden to them. She didn't want to seem fragile.

"I... I don't even know how I got to Shell Cottage."

The two boys looked at each other, silently trying to debate who should start with the retelling of the events.

Ron sighed and wiped the palms of his hands on his trousers. "When we got to the entrance hall at Gringotts there was a Death Eater, Dolohov, standing over you while you were lying on the floor, unconscious."

At the mention of the Dolohov's name, Hermione's hands began to tremble as the memories she had been trying to suppress resurfaced. She quickly brought them to her lap to hide it from them.

"Dolohov didn't seem to have heard us coming even though we were making quite a bit of noise with two Death Eaters on our tracks. His back was to us, oblivious to what was happening around him, just chuckling to himself. I stunned him and we ran towards you, grabbed you and made our way to the outside of Gringotts and Apparated straight to Shell Cottage."

"Which reminds me," Harry interrupted, digging in the back pocket of his jeans, "we got this," he said putting Hermione's wand onto the table and sliding it towards her. Hermione stared at the piece of wood in awe; she had thought she had lost it for good at Gringotts. She hadn't seen it since she had awakened here and when she had asked Fleur about it, the witch hadn't answered her and just changed the subject.

"We know you've been asking Fleur about it, but we didn't want you using magic until you were, well…fully healed so as not to tire you."

Tentatively Hermione picked up her wand, hoping that they wouldn't take too much notice of her trembling hands, and if they did that they would attribute it to her being overwhelmed at having her wand back. As her fingers closed around the piece of vine, she felt the magic pulse in her veins and almost let out a sob of relief.

"Harry spotted it as we were leaving Gringotts. He Accio'd it just before we left. Hope you don't mind that we held on to it for a little longer."

Hermione shook her head slowly, her thumb tracing the familiar carvings around the handle before bringing her hands back to her lap. "Thank you," she whispered, a grateful smile on her lips.

It was silly to think but she felt more in control of the situation now that she had her wand. Just knowing that she could use magic for whatever reason reassured her.

"What happened once we got back to Shell Cottage?" she continued, drawing strength from having her wand back.

"Ron apparated us right into the living room. It's a good thing Bill made him Secret Keeper before we left, stopped us from having to wait on the beach." Harry said taking over from Ron. "All the Weasleys were already there. Turns out once Bellatrix found out that we had entered her vault she went back to let Voldemort know."

Hermione bristled at the mention of Voldemort's name, her eyes darted across the room in panic, her hand tightening around her wand half-expecting a legion of Death Eaters to appear at any second in the kitchen.

"The house is under Fidelius, Hermione. The taboo doesn't work here, remember?" Harry said as he noticed the brunette's fearful look.

Hermione inhaled sharply before letting it out in a slow exhale, trying to calm her nerves. She was getting paranoid. Her hands had started shaking again at the thought that they were about to be attacked. She could feel her heart trying to beat its way out of her chest. "It was a relief to find out that Bellatrix hadn't taken part in the chase at Gringotts, mainly because we knew she wasn't following us and we thought that she had gone after you," Harry said, resuming his previous conversation. "Anyway, when Voldemort found out about what we had done he apparently lost it and went straight to Hogwarts. Snape had enough time to warn McGonagall before he turned up," Harry added a look of distaste on his face.

Hermione frowned, it seemed that things had really escalated in the time she was absent. "What does Snape have to do with any of this?"

"He's been playing double agent since last year. Dumbledore planned it all, apparently. The ring had cursed him and he was not going to survive the year. Once he was gone he knew it would only be a matter of time until Voldemort took over the school. He wanted there to be someone trustworthy to oversee the students in case anything happened to him. By killing Dumbledore, Snape proved his worth to Voldemort and apparently he was also doing it to protect Malfoy. It stopped Hogwarts from having someone like Bellatrix as it's Headmaster."

"How do you know all of this?" Hermione asked, her eyes going from Harry to Ron's face. It was a lot of information for her to process, especially considering she had just emerged from her slump a few hours ago.

"It's a bit of a mess, to be honest, but after everything at Hogwarts had calmed down, Kingsley went to Snape and demanded to find out what was happening. Veritaserum, Legilimens, Pensieve, he went all out. Apparently he checks out but, Kingsley refuses to tell us how or why. His only explanation is that Snape has his reasons for doing what he does. Merlin only knows what that means."

"Yeah, well, I still don't trust the greasy bastard," Ron spat out. "Until we know what exactly those reasons are I am not even trusting him with the feathers off Pigwidgeon's back. If he can play double agent, he can also play triple."

Hermione had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes. Ron had a knack for going overboard and dramatising the situation more than it needed. If you ever needed to rile someone up you would just need to ask Ron and he'd have the job done in less time than it would take you to say 'Alohomora'.

"Anyway," Harry continued "he checked out and we have more important things to deal with than a defecting Order member / Death Eater. Now where was I… oh right… McGonagall was informed that Voldemort was on his way to the castle and she told Kingsley. Everyone was already here, Shell Cottage being the safest place to hold so many members because of the Fidelius Charm."

"As you can guess when we Apparated in the middle of the living room it caused quite a frenzy, they hadn't been expecting us after all. Especially not after Bill had told them that we had left just a few hours ago. Molly and Fleur whisked you away to take care of you while Kingsley and Remus brought us up to date with what was happening."

Harry paused for a few seconds trying to correctly remember the facts otherwise he knew Hermione would bombard him with questions.

"We decided to go to Hogwarts. Not to fight because we wouldn't have stood a chance against Voldemort, but in case things got out of hand and we would need to go in and help with evacuating the kids. We couldn't let McGonagall, Flitwick, and Sprout take care of them by themselves. Ron and I also assumed that the reason Voldemort was going to Hogwarts was because he had realised what we were looking for and needed to get his other Horcruxes to a safe place."

"We managed to get into Hogwarts thanks to Ginny," Harry said, a proud smile spread across his face and Ron grunted next to him. "She was in contact with Neville through the DA coin's you spelled. He had created a fully-fledged resistance camp in the Room of Requirement."

"Tuns out that the Horcrux that Voldemort is looking for is in the Room of Requirement. We turned up just in time to witness Voldemort trying to get in. He was adamant in getting in, he must have tried a hundred different spells. But as you know, once the Room is in use nobody else can get in. He went on a rampage after that, destroyed the whole corridor, killed a few of his Death Eaters. Neville got caught in the crossfire."

Harry paused once more, a shadow passed across his face at the memory.

"What happened to Neville?" Hermione asked. She had been curious since she had seen his scar earlier on.

Harry looked at Hermione and noticing the strained look her eyes held he exhaled softly. "I think that's a story better suited for another day. We should finish this one first."

Hermione nodded silently, Harry was right, her head was spinning with everything they had told her. She would need time to process all this new found information. Not to mention having to deal with her own issues. Her body was starting to ache from the sudden activity and she just wanted to get back to her bed where she could escape from all the questions and worries she had.

"We had to tell Kingsley about the Horcruxes. Especially after Voldemort's show outside the Room of Requirement, Kingsley was curious. I also thought that they might be able to help us, after all, it's not like we've been doing a bang up job finding them by ourselves. One Horcrux in nine months, that's pretty pathetic if you ask me," Harry finished frustration creeping up on him.

"We tried Harry and nobody can fault us on that," Hermione tried to comfort. "What did Kingsley have to say about it?"

Harry sighed, but offered no answer, recounting all that had happened to Hermione had just reminded him of all his failures in the past few months and he was angry with himself. Angry for not having found more Horcruxes, angry for not having been able to help his friends when they needed it, angry for having let one of his best friends be tortured, not once but twice. One hell of a saviour he was.

"Shocked would be one way to describe how Kingsley felt," Ron said taking over. "He and Remus had a conversation once he got over it, they decided that it might be for the best to put the Horcrux hunt on the back burner, for a little while at least," Hermione's eyes opened slightly, she thought that they would have made it a priority to find all the Horcruxes. It was after all a crucial element to defeating Voldemort.

"We evacuated the Room of Requirement of everyone that was staying there in case Voldemort managed to get in. Theoretically, he shouldn't but you never know. If for whatever reason he did manage to enter it would end up in a bloodbath. There's a group of three to five people constantly in the room so Voldemort can never get in. Remus even prepared a schedule so we all take it in turns to keep watch. You'd like it, it's colour coordinated. In the meantime, we're hoping to find out what Voldemort wants the Room to be so we can get in and get the Horcrux before he does."

"And, that's it I think," Ron said scratching his head and looking at Harry for confirmation.

"Do you… have any questions for us?" Harry asked

Hermione looked at the two of them, a distant look on her face. Her head was really throbbing now, she felt as if she had a steel bar between her temples. It was a lot of information to process and she felt overwhelmed with it and all that it implied.

"No. I don't have any questions. I just need to think about everything you just said." Blinking a few times in a row, she stood up abruptly and Harry and Ron watched her in stunned silence as she pushed the chair away with the back of her thighs.

"Thank you, though… for telling me about all of this," Hermione said just before pushing the door open and rushing out of the room, leaving a very confused Harry and Ron behind her.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 _Brand New Kind of Me by Alicia Keys_

A/N: As always I look forward to your thoughts and reviews. Thank you to all those you have already left reviews, I appreciate it so much. Enjoy !

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Hermione didn't sleep that night. Not because she was plagued by her nightmares like she had been for the last few weeks, but because she kept on going over the conversation she had had with Harry and Ron. She also couldn't shake the imagine of the six of them in the living room, obviously engrossed in the preparations of a coming war.

There was Neville, casually sitting on the floor as if nothing had happened when the skin of his neck was red and swollen. Even now, if she closed her eyes she could clearly see how the burns were raised above the surface of his skin.

Yet there he was deep in conversation, behaving as if nothing had happened to him. Hermione admired his strength. He had fought, he had created a resistance in the absence of Harry, he had suffered and he was still standing.

There was Ron, whose eyes held a newfound determination. It was an imperceptible change, one she only noticed because of the years she had spent observing him. There was a fire within him, one she wished she could have too.

And then there was Harry who felt responsible for everything that happened to those around him, to those who fought on his side. Harry who looked like he carried the whole world on his shoulders yet continued to advance in his quest like the true leader he was. Always putting others before him.

No, Hermione could not, would not add to his burden by telling him, them, what had happened. She wouldn't let them see any weakness from her. She was stronger than this. She would just have to push through this, she knew she could. Fake it till you make it. That's what she would do.

 **XXX**

The next morning Fleur entered Hermione's room at her usual time only to find the young woman sitting on the bed, fully dressed with the blinds open. Though surprised at Hermione's enthusiastic behaviour this morning, especially considering she had been so morose in the past week, Fleur didn't show any outward signs that she was affected by this change of circumstance.

"I need to ask you a favour Fleur," Hermione said before the blonde woman could even put down the breakfast tray she was carrying.

"Yes, of course. What eez eet?"

"I would like you to cut my hair." This time Fleur's face did betray surprise upon hearing the young girls request. Of all the things she was expecting this had not been one of them.

Hermione had never been one to be particular about her looks. Though she did make an effort for the odd event, like Fleur's wedding and the Yule ball, the brunette was otherwise disinterested with the way she looked. And it couldn't have been clearer after she agreed to spend nine months living in a tent with the sparsest of commodities and constantly on the run.

"What are you thinking," Fleur answered deciding to humour Hermione. "I zink zat anyzing between two to four eenches would really freshen it up". Taking her wand out of her apron pocket she summoned one of the books that were lying on the floor next to the bed and transfigured them into a pair of scissors.

"I want to cut it all off," Hermione said meeting Fleur's gaze with a determined look on her face.

"All?" Fleur questioned. "I don't zink I understand," she said, a puzzled look on her face.

"Yes, all. A pixie cut if you prefer. As short as you can go without having to use a razor."

A look of horror spread through Fleur's face, her mouth opened slightly in shock. "No, I'm not going to do zat. Are you crazy?" she replied almost shouting, defiantly putting the scissors in her apron pocket along with her wand.

"Look Fleur, if you don't do it, then I'll do it myself. To be honest I'd rather have someone who knows what they are doing so they can get it done right the first time, but if I have to butcher it first myself, well then so be it," Hermione said calmly, a resolved look on her face.

"But why?" Fleur asked. She didn't understand why Hermione had come to this decision. Yes, the brunette didn't care about her appearance, but this was pushing it a little too far. Plus, it seemed so sudden, so unlike Hermione who always thought everything through before making a decision.

Hermione sighed and twisted the hem of the t-shirt she was wearing. It was one of Ginny's, the redhead had lent it to her one year when she had been staying at The Burrow and didn't have a change of clothes as Mrs. Weasley had gotten a bit overwhelmed with all the laundry. It was big on her petite frame and she couldn't imagine it fitting Ginny's slight frame either. She liked to think that it was one of Ron's many castoffs that had made its way to the redheaded girl. After Ron had left them during the Horcrux hunt, it was the only thing that brought her any comfort during those lonely nights.

"I don't recognise myself in the mirror anymore." She paused and waited for Fleur to say something, but when nothing came she continued. "What I see in the mirror, my reflection, doesn't match how I feel on the inside. The girl with the unruly hair is gone. She belongs to a time when my biggest worries were my grades and what trouble Harry would get into that year. But this," she said grabbing a fistful of her curls, "this is not me anymore."

Hermione paused again, shutting her eyes in concentration. It was a daily struggle to keep the bad memories at bay and when she had conversations like these it became even harder.

"I survived..., and I am not that girl anymore. None of us are the same person we were nine months ago. I'm stronger. And I need to be able to recognise the person I see in the mirror," she finished.

Hermione was right, Fleur thought. None of them were the same person they were the year before. She could see it in herself, in her family and even the members of the Order, who had already been through a lot during the first war. They all coped in their own way and if Hermione needed this to feel better then who was she to deny her that.

What she didn't know, however, was that Hermione had given herself a task. She had decided she would use the time it would take for her hair to grow back to get her life back together, to deal with her demons and to come back stronger. It was her secret, her own battle to fight.

"If zat is what you want zen I will do it," Fleur said walking to the desk and pulling the chair to the centre of the room.

Hermione looked at her in wide-eyed disbelief. She had thought that Fleur would have needed more convincing. After all, she was asking her to do something that was so against what Fleur stood for; beauty, elegance, vanity. It was better not to bite the hand that feeds you and the young brunette leapt off her bed and hurried to the chair as Fleur went around the room transfiguring various objects into the tools she needed for the task at hand.

"Before you sit down, you need to go eento ze shower and wet your 'air," Fleur said examining the comb she had just transfigured.

Hermione tensed at her words. In all the excitement she had completely forgotten that one needed to wash their hair before they could cut it. She found it quite ironic that after having avoided any contact with water for the past few weeks a simple haircut would end up being the one thing that would bring her down.

"Do I really have to shower. I mean it's a bit of a waste of time don't you think?"

"Yes, you're right," the Frenchwoman agreed, "you can just kneel in front of ze tub and I'll use ze shower 'ead to wet it."

Hermione's eyes opened wide in horror and her heart started racing in her chest. She would rather brave a shower any day than have someone pour water over her head. It was too close to what had happened. It sent her mind into a frenzy and the memories she had tried so hard to brush away came floating back to the surface.

"I… I really don't th…ink that's necessary" she stammered trying to calm herself down and even her breathing. "Can't you do it like this? I just really want to get it over with," she implored.

Fleur sent her a dubious look, she could tell something was wrong. This was not normal behaviour for Hermione, but Fleur was reluctant to push her for answers, especially if she wasn't ready. She knew from having dealt with Bill after he had been bitten that in order to be able to talk about your trauma you first had to deal with it yourself. From what she had seen of the brunette, she was still coming to terms with that. It would take time and in the meantime, they would all have to be patient with her. It would be unwise to push her too far and have her retreat back into her shell after having her just return to her somewhat normal self.

Trying to appear nonchalant Fleur shrugged her shoulders and indicated for Hermione to sit on the chair. "Eet's up to you. I might not do as good a job zan if ze 'air was wet but I won't ruin eet ezer."

Hermione heaved a sigh of relief as she sat down on the chair. There would be a time and space when she would have to deal with her fears and thankfully that time was not today.

Facing the wall, back straight, she could feel the French woman busying herself behind her, running a wide-toothed comb through her hair before sectioning it into small pieces, leaving the bottom part loose.

"Are you sure?" Fleur asked one last time, her scissors hovering at the nape of her neck.

"Positive."

Hermione sat perfectly still as Fleur made her way through her mass of hair. At first, she sat fixing a point on the wall, but as Fleur started to come around, she watched as her previously infamous honey coloured curls fell to the floor. With each strand of hair that fell onto the floor, Hermione buried away the awful memories of that day at Gringotts.

She was starting afresh and she wasn't going to let anything hold her back. She didn't want to remember anything that was attached to the girl with the bushy hair, she was leaving all of that behind. And she felt lighter.

Fleur was just putting the finishing touches to Hermione's new hair when the door to her room swung opened and Ron stood in the middle of it, his face going from a timid smile to a look of concern and then surprise.

"What is going on in here?" he asked, his brows knitted in confusion. He would have thought it would be the last thing on her list of priorities. Especially not at a time like this.

His eyes grew in size as he fully took in the sight of Hermione and her new haircut. His eyes darted to the floor as if to figure out if this was some kind of elaborate plan to prank him. There was no mistaking that the hair lying on the floor was well and truly Hermione's. He would recognise it anywhere.

"Mione… What have you done to your hair?" Ron said as he watched Fleur transfigure the comb she had been using into a small mirror and hand it to Hermione.

Standing behind her, Fleur was trying to attract Ron's attention without Hermione's knowledge. Her eyes were twice as big as Ron's had been though for an entirely different reason. She was trying to warn him out of saying something insensitive like he was prone to. If there was one thing she had learned about her brother-in-law was that he could be a little tactless with such matters and Hermione was a little fragile at the moment.

Choosing to ignore Ron, Hermione ran her fingers through her new do, brushing through the short, spiky layers over her ears. She inhaled sharply and smiled at her reflection. For the first time in a while, Hermione recognised herself in the mirror.

She wasn't the little girl who hid her insecurities and flaws behind layers of hair. She was the girl who had gone through something horrible and survived it.

"Thank you," she said to Fleur as she returned the mirror to her, "I love it. You really are very talented."

"I try," Fleur answered tossing her hair over her shoulders.

"Hermione. Your hair? What have you done?" Ron asked again, interrupting the two women's conversation. Fleur rolled her eyes and made her way around to stand next to Ron, who was still staring at the brunette with a disbelieving look on his face.

As Fleur moved from behind her Hermione felt the draft in the room on the back of her neck and it sent a shiver down her spine. That would be something she would need to get used to. "I needed a change," she answered, her fingers combing through the hair over her forehead.

Her eyes darted from Fleur to Ron, apprehension bubbling in her stomach. "So, what do you both think of it?"

"Your hair is shorter than mine Mione. What do you think?"

"Don't listen to him 'Ermione. I zink you look very nice." Fleur intervened.

Ron sighed and rubbed the back of his neck before digging his hands into his pockets. "It's just a bit drastic and out of the blue. You didn't even mention it to us."

"I'm sorry Ronald, I didn't realise you were my keeper and you needed to be aware of everything I do."

Hermione was beginning to get irritated. She hadn't expected Ron to love her new haircut, it was after all a big change but, the least he could do was to show some support. She didn't think she was asking for much.

"I'll make sure I remember that in future when I decide to do something. In fact, you might be interested to know I plan on having lunch in the next hour," she snapped back at him.

Fleur threw her hands in the air before muttering something in French and setting off to transfigure back the items she had used into their initial form. She didn't want to leave the two of them alone, especially as Hermione was still quite fragile, no matter how much she tried to hide it.

"You know that's not what I meant," Ron replied, trying to stay calm, despite the fact that he was feeling a little peeved. "I just meant that it's unlike you to do something like this."

"You wouldn't know what is or isn't me unless it smacked you in the face. If it's not about you or who you're snogging you just don't care about it."

A look of hurt flashed passed Ron's face. Hermione knew that it was unfair for her to say such a thing. Ron was a kind and loyal friend and had always been there for them. But she was hurt and angry and he was there, an easy target to take her anger out on.

"Oh, yeah, well maybe I would be more aware of your inner thoughts if you actually took the time to tell us how you feel instead of just hoping we'll figure it out. I'm not a mind reader."

"You don't need to be a mind reader to grasp the concept…"

"Guys, what's going on? Everyone is waiting downstairs for you to start the meeting" Harry interrupted. He was standing in the doorway, a confused look on his face. His eyes darted across the room before finally focusing on the two fighting duo. "Hermione what happened to your hair?" he questioned, genuinely worried that something had gone wrong before catching Fleur making large signs for him to stop, but it was too late. The blonde woman rolled her eyes and lightly smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand.

Hermione let out an exasperated shriek before storming out of the room and down the stairs. She hadn't planned on going to the meeting, frankly she hadn't even known about it a minute ago, but anything was better than staying in that room with the most inconsiderate duo she had ever met.

"You boys are incorrigible," Fleur huffed. "Eet wouldn't 'urt you to be a bit more considerate about her feelings from time to time. She eez not one of ze guys, you know," she scolded. "Don't forget she 'as been through a lot and she could use some support." She added, shaking her head and tutting as she made her way across the room and followed Hermione out.

As she made her way down the stairs her stomach knotted up and she had to remind herself to keep breathing. She hadn't thought this through. She was about to enter a roomful of people who were most probably going to judge her and think her crazy for having cut her hair like Ron had. But if she were going to keep the pact she made with herself there would be no better time than the present to start.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 _Innerbloom by RÜFÜS_

A/N: As always thank you to everyone who reviewed and favourited. It really makes my day when I read your comments.

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Everyone's heads turned as Hermione entered the small kitchen. She was stunned to see so many people crammed into the little room. She had assumed that when Harry had said there was a meeting he had meant a Weasley meeting, not an Order meeting. Though now that she thought about it, she realised how little sense that made. She had somehow managed to convince herself of something improbable because she knew that she couldn't deal with the reality of the situation.

Hermione stood in the doorway and as she scanned the room she had to remind herself that the people gathered here today were not going to hurt her, they were all her friends. She took solace in the fact that most of them seemed just as surprised to see her as she did them. Hermione wondered it they were more surprised at her sudden appearance after weeks of absence or because of her drastic change in hair.

Hesitantly she made her way into the room looking for a spare seat she could use. Hermione had barely taken a few steps when she heard a loud gasp to her left and she turned to find Lavender sitting on a chair, her hand covering her mouth and her eyes wide in shock. Hermione had to stop herself from rolling her eyes at her former roommate, never had she seen her more traumatised than she was now, not even when Death Eaters broke into Hogwarts last year. The blonde girl really had no redeeming qualities and was just as superficial as one would expect.

Squeezing her way past Hagrid who took up a whole side of the small kitchen table she noticed how Kingsley had taken up the space at the head of the table while McGonagall sat to his left and Lupin to his right. It seemed that during their absence Lupin had risen to an important position in the Order and she couldn't have been more proud of the werewolf.

Continuing around the table were Molly and Arthur and next to them Bill and a free seat which Hermione knew belonged to Fleur. Finally, squashed in the corner beside Hagrid was Professor Flitwick, whose head she could barely see in the sea that was Hagrid's clothes.

In the left side corner behind them sat Neville and next to him stood three free seats. Guessing that those were the seat Harry had most likely saved for them Hermione instantly dismissed them. She was too furious with them to consider sitting next to them for the length of the meeting.

Scattered across the room were Ginny, Luna, Dean and Seamus, who she was quite surprised to see there. It seemed the Order was recruiting new members rather quickly.

Right at the back, sitting on the kitchen counter were Fred, George and Lee. Hermione spied an empty stool just behind Fleur's chair that Fred was using as a foot rest. It was perfectly situated at the back so that she wouldn't have to make a contribution and also had the added benefit that she would have her back to the window. Which was a plus as she was already nervous enough being in a room crammed full of people.

Hermione made her way towards it, avoiding all eye contact with the people in the room. She mentally prepared herself for a battle with Fred over the little stool, from previous experience she knew he wouldn't relinquish it easily, but as she approached he removed his feet without a word. His only reaction a cheeky wink. Suddenly the stool seemed too easily acquired and she eyed the piece of furniture carefully taking her wand out of her back pocket to cast a revealing charm.

"I haven't done anything to it," Fred said, staring her down from his perch. "I may be crazy enough to prank a chair but, not enough to do it in the middle of an Order meeting where there are witnesses everywhere." His eyes darted across the room and he leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially "And worse of all my Mum…"

Hermione smiled at him, Molly was a fearsome witch and one not to be trifled with.

"Plus you seem to have gotten Fleur on your side and she's almost as bad as Mum."

Just as he finished his sentence, Fleur entered the room with a sheepish Harry and Ron trailing behind her. Noticing the three boys sitting on the kitchen counter the Frenchwoman sent them a disapproving glare before taking place in her own seat. The two boys followed Fleur's lead and made their way to their respective seats, their eyes glued to the floor.

Kingsley cleared his throat and the few conversations taking place in the room quieted down while all the eyes in the room reverted to him. "Welcome, everyone. I'm glad you could all make it. I'm even happier to see a familiar face back amongst us again," he said making eye contact with Hermione to which she responded with a nod of acknowledgement.

After having welcomed everyone Kingsley jumped straight into business, going over what had happened at the last meeting and bringing those who hadn't attended up to speed. It had been a few weeks apparently since the last meeting and it seemed that many people needed their memories refreshed.

Hermione tried to pay attention to what the Auror was telling them, but her thoughts kept on fleeting in and out of the conversations. Of late she found it difficult to focus her thoughts on one thing. No matter how hard she tried she always ended up completely spaced out. It wasn't easy concentrating on one thing when half of your brain was trying to bloke out unwanted memories.

"After everything that has happened of late, it is important that we not be despondent," Kingsley said bringing Hermione out of her reverie and back into the conversation at hand. "We've lost the Ministry and now Hogwarts to Voldemort but we can't let that defeat us. We need to reassert our presence, we can't have people think we are just taking all of this lying down. We need a win, no matter how small to show everyone that we are still fighting, that this war is not over. So I think, it's time we figure out what our next move will be. As always I am open to any suggestion."

"What about an attack on Malfoy Manor," Seamus said from where he was sitting near the door. "Make them pay for what they did to Dean and Luna," he continued a vengeful smirk on his face. "We could blow up the whole place."

"Mr Finnegan though I admire your sentiment and your penchant for blowing things up, it would be suicide to attack that place. It is after all You-Know-Who's stronghold and though we do want to make a statement I think we would be getting ourselves way over her heads, " McGonagall answered from beside Kingsley.

"What about if we tried to get Grimmauld Place back," Ron spoke up. Kingsley, McGonagall and Lupin had to turn around to face Ron as he was sitting behind them. "It was our Headquarter's after all and taking it back would be a big blow to You-Know-Who. I don't know about how protected it is or how dangerous it would be, but if we could get Snape to help us I think it is feasible. He has access to Phones Nigellas portrait in the headmaster's office, which is linked to the portrait in Grimmauld Place, it could be an easy way for us to get information on the happenings inside the house. And we also have Kreacher who can also access the house for us."

"Yes, that would be a possibility," Kingsley mused while everyone continued to look at Ron in surprise.

After what happened during first year with the giant chess board, Hermione had learned not to underestimate Ron when it came to tactical manoeuvres. It was an area in which he excelled at and one that Hermione would never, but that didn't stop her from seeing that including Snape in his plan was Ron's way of testing their old professor's loyalty.

"What do you think Remus," Kingsley questioned, turning to his right-hand man.

"It's not something that can be done in a matter of days, it will days weeks maybe even months. We'll need to gather a lot of information, rotas, security measures, names. We'll only have once chance at it. But it's a definite possibility."

"I agree with you. It will take a lot of work, but it is a viable option and getting our base back would be a major achievement. Yes, well, if nobody has any other ideas I suggest we go forth with Mr Weasley's idea as we need to start planning." Kingsley paused glancing around the room while everyone nodded their heads in agreement. "I'll arrange a meeting with Severus to let him know about our plan and see if he agrees to take part in it. Mr Weasley, good job."

Hermione watched as colour flushed Ron's cheeks at the praise.

"On a similar note to Grimmauld Place I'd like to discuss living arrangements," Kingsley continued. "As much as I am grateful to Bill and Fleur for opening their house to us and allowing us to use it for our meetings. We need to have a proper, safe place as our base to allow us to regroup and rest. At the moment, we are all scattered all over the place. A lot of you are staying in houses provided by Andromeda and Muriel as your own respective houses are unsafe and although it is very kind of them it is far from safe, especially with our growing numbers. There is a growing number of members hiding in Muggle London as well as forests, hills and fields. I think it would be useful to have a house where we could host if not all a large number of our members. Even if we get back Grimmauld Place, our numbers are growing and we will need the extra space."

From the back of the room, someone tentatively cleared their throat and everyone turned to see Neville fidgeting in his chair. "Well you could use Longbottom Keep," he said sitting up straight in his chair. "Since Gran's been on the run nobody's been there. It's quite big, nothing like Malfoy Manor but spacious enough. I'd say it has about a dozen rooms and you could easily fit three single beds in them. There's also a good sized garden at the back. Proper wards need to be set up though because I don't think that what's up is enough."

"Yes, that is a very viable option Neville," Kingsley said in response. "And you are sure Augusta wouldn't have any objections to us using her house as a safe house?"

"Not at all Sir. I think she'd be rather pleased."

Kingsley nodded his head solemnly. "Very well Neville, if it's OK with you, we can go inspect the house tomorrow. Bill if you don't mind accompanying us to check on the wards I would be very appreciative." Bill nodded his head in agreement.

"Well, that is all the business we had for today," Kingsley said sorting through his pieces of parchment to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. "Remus, Arthur, Bill, can I speak to you after. Oh and Hermione, make sure you get fitted for a wand holster and a Jink-Off kit as soon as possible. We can't let you go out, let alone go on a mission without it."

Hermione's eyes widened slightly, she hadn't realised that they were going to send her out on missions. Her heart lodged itself in her throat and she had to gather all her strength to nod in acknowledgement to Kingsley words.

As everyone started talking amongst themselves Hermione made a dash for it, pushing people away to make it to the door. Her heart was pounding in her chest, she wasn't ready to go out and fight, she had barely gotten out of the depression that had bound her to her bed for two weeks. She could still feel the darkness threatening her, waiting just on the outskirts of her mind, ready to attack at any time.

As she made her way across the room she felt as if the walls were closing in on her. She briefly heard someone call out her name as she barged through the door into the living room, but she ignored it as she tried desperately to get away from everyone.

She had almost made it to the staircase when Hermione felt a hand grab onto her wrist and almost screamed at the touch, spinning around to face her aggressor.

"Is everything OK?" Fred asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

Her eyes darted nervously behind him, checking to see if anybody else had followed her out. "Yes, I'm fine. Why?" she asked her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "If you've come to make fun of my hair, I'll have you know that Ron beat you to it," she snapped.

"What? No! I would never joke about a woman's looks. I think you look great, it really suits you, in fact without all that hair that you tend to hide behind I can actually see your face now. And it's a very nice face. Plus who knew you had such a lovely long neck," Fred answered with a roguish grin.

Hermione felt her cheeks redden and she went to cover her face with her hair just as Fred had just stated only to realise too late just what she was doing. Fred's grinned widened and his hand came up to touch her newly shorn locks in an attempt to embarrass her and make her blush even more.

It was the wrong thing to do. Hermione took a few steps back and folded her arms in front of herself, closing herself off from him. She wasn't comfortable with being touched, especially by men she wasn't close to. She had noticed that when Harry had touched her yesterday. It had felt strange but hadn't made her feel anxious. On the other hand, if Ron or any other man came too close to her she would start to feel apprehensive, even though she knew that they meant her no harm in the back of her mind she was still acutely aware that unlike Harry they were not brotherly figures.

Fred's smile fell and the tentative rapport they had built crumbled to the ground. Hermione averted her eyes from his, but that didn't stop the fact that she could still feel his gaze on her. She felt awkward just standing there while Fred hesitated over whether or not to question her on her sudden change in behaviour.

The prankster finally decided against it. After all, he didn't know her well enough to pry into her life. He knew that if anything was wrong she would much rather talk to his brother or Harry than him.

"Kingsley said that you needed to get fitted for a holster and a Jinx-Off kit so I thought I'd come and get your measurements so George and I can get started on it."

"Oh, right. I didn't know the two of you were in charge of that." Hermione answered her gaze firmly focused on the toe of Fred's shoe.

"Yes, well we thought we'd put our talents to good use seeing as we had some spare time on our hands. Anyway, are you ready to get those measurements taken?"

"Do you think we can do this another day," Hermione questioned finally meeting his eyes for a fleeting second before focusing on a point behind him. "I'm a little tired right now," she continued hoping to delay as much as she could the inevitable.

"It's up to you really and whether you don't mind waiting a little longer for your holster," Fred answered, shrugging his shoulders. "We have a little backlog at the moment. We weren't expecting to make quite so many so suddenly. George and I have been putting in quite a few hours to get them all ready, but the process itself takes some time and we can't rush that."

Hermione felt herself breathe easier after hearing that piece of information. "How long is your backlog?"

"Ten days. At least," Fred answered, scratching the back of his neck. He was half expecting Hermione to start lecturing him on the importance of being punctual to assure customer satisfaction or some other nonsense.

The brunette nodded solemnly. She had ten days to prepare herself to go back into battle or whatever else they had planned for her. More than enough time, she was sure to get a grip on her fears and pack them away in a far off corner of her mind. It was all just a question of confidence after all.

"Would tomorrow be alright," she questioned.

Fred thought about it for a minute before nodding his head. "Yeah, that could work. You could meet us in our office," he said indicated the small coffee table piled high with Weasley Wizards Wheezes packaging in between the two foldable beds in the middle of the living room, "some time after lunch?"

Hermione gave him a tentative smile. "Sure. Your office. After lunch. I'll be there."


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 _Wait by M83_

A/N: Thank you to all my readers for leaving reviews, following and adding this story to your favourites. I love hearing your thoughts about the story so keep 'em coming ;)

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Hermione sat with her legs curled under her on the furthest of the two beds in the living room. She had learned her lesson this time and sat with her back firmly to the window. Besides her, laying sprawled on her back was Ginny, legs dangling over the sides.

The redhead was babbling about something or the other. Hermione had stopped paying attention after she had gone on about aunt Muriel for a whole fifteen minutes. Harry and Ron sat cross-legged on the floor playing a game of Wizarding chess. She was still upset with them and had greeted them in cold deference when she had entered the room and since then had assiduously ignored them.

Neville had walked into the room a few moments before and had joined the boys on the floor, watching them play in silence.

Hermione dipped in and out of Ginny's conversation, throwing in a few exclamations every once in a while to fake investment in an otherwise purely one-sided conversation. It was a difficult, to hold a fake conversation when your thoughts kept on wandering off into the darker parts of your brain. It was a constant struggle to keep her thoughts occupied with mundane thoughts.

Her eyes darted around the room, it was in a worse state than the last time she'd been there. Plates were piled up near both the beds and there seemed to be more empty glasses than vials on the table. Hermione wrinkled her nose in distaste and wondered how Fleur was putting up with this.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she spied Neville playing with the collar of his t-shirt, his fingers tracing over the burn marks that were etched upon his skin.

"What happened?" Hermione asked, surprising everyone with her sudden interruption.

The three boys looked up at Hermione, confused as to who she was talking to and what she meant. Ginny too stopped talking and had pushed herself up onto her elbows to find out what had led to Hermione's sudden outburst.

"What happened to your neck, Neville?" She had wondered about the mark ever since she had seen it. The question burning a hole in her mouth.

Neville exhaled softly and his ears took on a pink tinge. Straightening himself up, he met Hermione's eyes with steely determination. A considerable change from the timid Neville she knew.

"You know about the Order members coming to Hogwarts," he asked and Hermione nodded in accord. "When I got Ginny's message that Harry and some of the Order members wanted to come to the castle I was out getting supplies from the Infirmary. Madame Pomfrey turned a blind eye to my weekly raids. We used to end up in a lot of fights, rebellion and all and without access to the infirmary we needed the supplies to do it ourselves."

"I told Ginny how to get into the Room of Requirement and that I'd meet them there shortly. I didn't know You-Know-Who was on his way, so I took my time getting back."

Hermione looked at Harry who had a sombre look on his face. She could tell that he blamed himself for not telling Neville about Voldemort being in the castle. Hermione knew that they hadn't wanted to alarm Neville by telling him Voldemort was on his way. Harry could never have guessed that this would happen.

"When I got back to the corridor leading to the Room of Requirement it was swarming with Death Eaters and You-Know-Who was there, blasting curses at the entrance of the room. He was furious, I've never seen anything like that. I backtracked and went and hid in one of the hidden passageways not far from there."

Neville paused for a few seconds. Hermione watched as his eyes drifted to the window behind her. She felt strange at the realisation that the one thing that brought her anxiety and made her feel uncomfortable was a solace to others. It had once brought her solace too. She remembered watching it from her room the first time she was here, how the steady rolling of the waves had calmed her when she was feeling overwhelmed. It taunted and tormented her now, reminding her how the simplest and purest things could be used against her.

"I stayed hidden there for what felt like an eternity. I heard You-Know-Who rant and taunt and demand his Death Eaters find him a way into the Room. After a while they all scattered, I stayed hidden until I thought they had all gone. I carefully made my way back to the corridor. It was empty and I thought I was fine. I was foolish to think he would leave the corridor unattended. I didn't hear Crabbe come up behind me, but as I neared the entrance I felt someone behind me and turned just in time to see him cast a Fiendfyre. It happened so quickly, I… I had no time to react."

Hermione gasped and her hand shot up to cover her mouth. Fiendfyre was a dangerous spell to cast due to its difficult nature. There were few people who had the ability to control it.

"Amycus Carrow had been trying to teach it during DADA. I never thought anyone would be stupid enough to try it out. He immediately lost control of it and the spell backfired. It ended up engulfing him…though I was not spared. Fiendfyre has its own mind and once it was done with Crabbe it made its way to me. I had turned away from the flames and had nowhere to go. The flames burnt through the whole left side of my clothes."

Hermione felt tears prickle at her eyes. She couldn't imagine what that felt like. Being burned by plain fire was painful enough and if not treated properly could cause infections, blood loss and even tetanus. Hermione knew that unlike normal fire, cursed fire could never be healed properly.

"Thankfully Bill was in the Room of Requirement and knew exactly what to do. Thank Merlin for Curse breakers," Neville quipped. "He and Kingsley managed to control the fire and stop it from engulfing me whole. I blacked out after that and just remember waking up in the Room of Requirement, screaming. The burns were so painful, it felt like my skin was still on fire, like it was flowing through my veins. I kept thrashing in bed as if that would help put the fire out. The smell of burnt flesh didn't help. Neither did the sight of my raw, blistered, oozing skin."

Hermione's eyes shut as the images of what Neville had been through flashed before her eyes. His description was so vivid she couldn't help but feel sick upon hearing about it and had to refrain herself from telling him to stop.

"I was in an out of consciousness for five days only waking up to take the potions Professor Slughorn and Madame Pomfrey had prepared for me. I didn't think it was possible for someone to have to take so many potions at once and none of them were palatable. I was also smeared in the most foul-smelling tincture I have ever smelled in my life, courtesy of Professor Sprout. Though I shouldn't really complain, it did help with the scarring. Anyway, to cut a long story short I'm all better now. As you can see all those potions and creams had their desired effect and apart from the odd potion every now and again I'm all back to normal. Well, that and the scarring, but I've been told that they give me a roguish charm," Neville finished with a bashful smile, his cheeks taking on the same pink tint his ears had taken.

Hermione stared at Neville in awe. He had been through so much yet there he was, sitting with them as if nothing had happened. Behaving as if behind burned by a cursed fire was no big deal. Hermione knew from having spent time researching Fiendfyre when they were looking at ways to destroy the Horcruxes just how terrible the curse was. She had read dozens of accounts of wizards who had suffered the same fate as Neville, some even less than that.

The dark magic imbued in the curse left survivors with a constant burning sensation under the scar tissue like an itch one just couldn't scratch. There was nothing that could be done about it. No potion, no cream, no spell. Some wizards wrote that it was so bad it was enough to drive you mad. There was also the risk of getting addicted to pain potions in attempts to control the suffering. There was also the fact that if he didn't exercise the muscles where he had been burnt on a daily basis it might lead to the skin around it tightening and leading to restriction in movement to the injured area. There would be no escape from the constant suffering Neville would have to endure for the rest of his life.

Hermione was certain that Neville hadn't told anyone about the constant pain he was in. He showed no signs of weakness and continued to live his life as if nothing had happened.

Hermione wished she could be more like him. Just bounce back from what had happened to her. Be brave and strong and courageous like the Gryffindor she was like the Gryffindor Neville was. She wasn't though, but she would be. It would take time and in the meantime, she would just have to pretend that everything was fine. If Neville could do it so could she.

The door behind her slammed shut and Hermione jumped out of her seat and swirled around to face the intruder, her eyes wide as she scanned the room only to land on the twins standing in front of the door leading to the beach.

"Hermione? What's wrong?" came a voice from behind her, Harry's.

She turned back around to face the group, all of them staring at her. "The twins just startled me. I wasn't expecting anyone to come in from the beach," Hermione answered by way of explanation all the while trying to quell the fear that had risen in her chest.

They all kept staring at her as she returned to her seat, she could even feel the twins gaze from behind her. She couldn't well explain to them that she lived in constant fear of a possible attack and any small noise had the merit to startle her. They wouldn't understand and would think she was being overzealous.

"What's that smell?" Ginny exclaimed, her nose wrinkling in distaste, changing the subject.

"That dear sister…"

"…would be pond slime," the twins answered, lifting the bags they were carrying so everyone could see while they made their way to the centre of the room.

They simultaneously dropped their bags onto the coffee table and it made a loud squelching sound as it landed on the hard surface causing Ron to dry-heave at the sound.

"What do you need pond slime for? Where did you even find that?" Ginny asked the stench so terrible she had to plug her nose between her fingers.

Hermione watched as Harry brought the collar of his t-shirt over his nose to try and block out the smell while Ron continued to make gagging noises opposite him. Only Neville seemed unbothered by the scent though Hermione had the suspicious feeling that he was breathing from his mouth, a wise idea that she immediately adopted.

"We're working on a new product and with no access to an apothecary we've had to find another way to get the ingredients we need. You'd be surprised by all the things you can find by the beach," George said, or at least Hermione guessed it was George.

The twins had grown out their hair and without the visual queue of George's missing ear, she was back to guessing which twin she was talking to. She supposed that it wasn't any fun for them if people could differentiate them.

"Well unless you want Ron to bring up his breakfast I suggest you get rid of it." Ginny retorted.

"Far be it from us to offend Ron's delicate nose, but where do you suggest we put this? You guys are hogging our room slash office," one of the twins said, winking at Hermione. Fred, Hermione guessed if that last comment was a hint towards the conversation they had had yesterday. George poked the bags with the tip of his wand making them squelch some more just as Ron was starting to recover from his fit.

"I don't know, just vanish them into the kitchen or maybe Bill and Fleur's room. I'm sure all the perfume she keeps in there will mask the smell," Ginny said with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

The twins looked at each other, engaging in a silent conversation. "Kitchen," they both decided. They weren't about to incur Fleur's wrath over two bags of pond slime, especially not when they were staying in her house. With a flick of their wands, the bags were gone and Ron inhaled a sharp breath.

"Are you trying to kill me" he bellowed, his face slightly red from having held his breath for so long.

"Get a grip Ron, you don't see Hermione or Neville acting like dying fish, do you?" George said making his way to the bed they were leaning against and then kneeling beside it, started ruffling under it. "I will admit though they don't have your delicate nose."

" Har, har," Ron huffed rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. "I'll have you know that my nose is perfectly proportionate," he continued in what would have been a perfect imitation of Percy had he not been so serious.

George rolled his eyes at him and Ginny fell back down onto the bed trying to suppress a snort under a pillow. "Proportionate in your head maybe."

"I think we should get started Granger because if we have to wait for these two to stop bickering we'll be here forever," Fred interrupted, his face a mixture of amusement and irritation.

"Sure. What do you need me to do?" she questioned, reluctantly blocking out Ron and George's conversation to focus on what Fred required of her.

"We need to measure you for your holster," Fred answered, pulling his wand out from his back pocket which Hermione found quite amusing considering the situation. "Where do you want it? Arm or thigh?" he asked.

"Arm, please."

Fred nodded and set about riffling through a bright orange box that George had pulled out from under the bed and plonked onto the small coffee table. Hermione didn't think that the small table could take anymore clutter. "If I remember correctly you're right handed so I'll measure for your left arm," he said while pulling out of the box an old measuring tape and several pieces of parchment.

Sticking a self-inking quill in between his teeth he made his way to Hermione in a careful balancing act. Dropping all of his goods on the bed beside her, he knelt by the edge and spitting his quill back into his hand he shuffled through his stack of parchment paper looking for a fresh one.

"Before I start measuring I have to ask you for the length, core and wood of your wand," Fred asked, his hand poised over a fresh piece of parchment.

"10 and 3/4 inches, dragon heartstring, vine,"

Fred hastily scribbled the information onto his parchment and then motioned for Hermione to stand up while he fiddled with the measuring tape.

"Right, let's beginning with the measuring then," Fred said a cheeky grin on his face as he wiggled his eyebrows.

Grabbing hold of Hermione's left arm by her wrist, he pushed the sleeve of her top up in one fell swoop. His eyes landed on the scar that Bellatrix had etched into her skin barely a month ago and his face fell into a mask of horror.

"What is this?" Fred asked his voice low and hard.

Hermione's eyes opened wide in horror and she tried to pull her hand free, but Fred kept a tight grip on her. Behind Fred she noticed Ginny sitting up straight in bed, her curiosity piqued as she tried to see what was happening between the two of them. Hermione tried once again to pull free from Fred's grasp, this time tugging so hard he stumbled a few steps forward, but even then he kept a firm grip on her wrist.

"It's… nothing," Hermione stuttered, pleading him with her eyes to drop the subject.

"This is not nothing," he retorted, bringing her arm up to eye level so she could see the swollen letters spelling out the word 'Mudblood'.

The conversation in the room had quietened down as the other inhabitants tried to grasp what their conversation was about. Hermione cast a furtive glance towards Harry and Ron, the only ones who actually knew what was happening. They both had sombre looks on their faces and seemed uncertain what to do next. It was not their story to tell.

"Please Fred…" Hermione begged, she could feel tears beginning to sting behind her eyelids.

She tentatively tried to pull her arm away from his grip and this time, he let go. Her eyes darted up to his in surprise. He held her gaze as she quickly pulled her sleeve back down and she knew from the intensity of his stare that this conversation wasn't over.

Hermione swallowed slowly, pushing down the lump in her throat that had started to form and tried to plaster a smile on her face to hide her discomfort at the situation. "In retrospect, I think I'd rather have it on my thigh," she said in an effort to change the subject.

She watched as Ginny's flopped back onto the bed, her eyebrows furrowed. George and Neville returned to what they had been doing while Harry and Ron kept a watchful gaze on her. It wasn't out of the ordinary for her and Fred to have an argument and she supposed that to them this looked like just another of their spats.

Fred nodded tersely, his lips pursed into a thin line as he knelt in front of her. He tapped the side of her thigh and she parted her legs hip width apart. Scooting forward he wrapped the measuring tape around her thigh. Hermione stiffened at the touch. Closing her eyes she tried to breathe slowly through her nose in an effort to stay calm and not run off in a panic.

She could feel the warmth of his skin radiating through her jeans. His touch was delicate and gentle which helped to ease Hermione's nerves.

Fred measured the distance from her hip to the middle of her thigh and then double-checked the measurement he had for the girth of her thigh. He had to make sure it was correct otherwise, the holster would end up sliding up and down her thigh as she ran about; an encumbrance more than an advantage.

It hadn't taken Fred more than two minutes to take the measurements, but when he finally stood up Hermione let out the breath she was holding. She hadn't even realised she had stopped trying to even out her breathing.

Hermione was proud of herself, she had managed to get through that without going off like a madwoman or seeming too weird. Or so she thought. The true test depended on how well she had hidden her odd behaviour from her friends. A quick glance around the room told her that they all seemed pretty disinterested in her, except for Ginny who had an teasing smirk on her face, quite the opposite of what she had expected.

"Is that the first time you've had a man between your thighs?" the redheaded girl asked cheekily while reclining back onto her elbows.

"Oi!" Ron shouted, his head snapping up from his game.

Hermione felt her face burn in embarrassment as Fred stood up from his kneeling position, grinning from ear to ear. "Wouldn't you like to know," she answered not wanting to be out teased by the youngest Weasley. Fred dusted his knees and made his way to the coffee table fiddling once again with the contents of the boxes.

"Why yes, I would," Ginny responded, sitting up straight and resting her chin on her fist in an attempt to look pensive. "Pray tell."

"Ahhh," Ron shrieked, covering his ears with his hands. "Both of you stop. I don't want to listen to my little sister and Mione talk about - about - well you know what."

"Oh Merlin, you're such a child Ron. You can't even say sex," Ginny laughed and flopped back down onto the bed.

"I can, I just choose not too. They're ladies in the room."

Ginny snorted, but didn't answer though Hermione was sure she heard her mumbled something along the lines that the only lady in the room was Ron.

"Right, well," Fred said turning back to face Hermione. "That's all we need for today. George and I will go about creating the holster and once that is done I'll need to see you again to start on the second part."

"Second part," Hermione questioned, hoping that it didn't involve any more touching. There was only so much physical contact she could take.

"Yes, our holsters are not just holsters. We imprint them with each person's individual wand core and a bedazzling hex," Fred said rolling his measuring tape backup. "Like an invisibility cloak. Once that's done, every time you put your wand in the holster, it will recognise its magical core and render itself invisible."

"It's a pretty nifty way to conceal your wand without others knowing. Especially if you are surrounded you can just conceal your wand without the other side knowing. They'll then think you're unarmed and you can use it at a more convenient time," George said taking over.

"You won't be able to see it either so the first few time you'll be patting your thigh like a crazy person, trying to find it, but you'll get used to it pretty quick. It's all about muscle memory," Fred continued. "Anyway, that's what the second part is about, imprinting the holster with your wand's magical core."

"It's not anything dangerous. Ollivander taught us a spell that allows us to take a fraction of your wand's core out and then we add it to a potion we created. After that we just have to soak the holster in the potion for 36 hours and Bob's your uncle."

"You spoke to Mr Ollivander?" Hermione questioned, her eyebrows arching slightly in surprise.

"Yes, after he left Shell Cottage he came to Aunt Muriel's house and we were able to ask him a few questions about wandlore. He was very helpful," George said making Hermione's head turn back and forth between the twins for the fourth time. They really had a knack for giving people a crick in the neck.

Hermione felt a little surprised at that information. She knew the twins were smart, they had to be to create such extraordinary items for their shop. However this was different, they would have had to do extensive research on wandlore to create the holster. They had even gone beyond research and had headed straight for the source when they hadn't found the answers they needed in books. It was a lot of work for something that wouldn't end up exploding in someone's face or turning another person's hair a different colour. She was impressed, to say the least.

"Don't you worry, I'll come and find you when we reach that stage," Fred resumed, kneeling beside the table, scribbling onto the piece of parchment he had used to take down her measurements.

Hermione nodded mutely before backing up until she felt her knees touch the back of the bed and plopped herself down on it. Turns out she wasn't the only one who had gone through some changes.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 _Blinding by Florence and the Machines_

A/N: I had to take a little break in writing and then struggled to get my mojo back. I talked about it on my tumblr so if you're ever looking for updates or just want to chat/ ask questions you can find me there. User name is the same as here. A little longer chapter to make up for it. Thanks for the reviews, you guys are amazing !

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"How's Hermione doing?" the brunette stopped short upon hearing the words. She had been making her way to the kitchen when she happened to overhear the conversation that was taking place in Harry and Ron's room.

"She's doing fine I guess," Harry answered. "Why do you ask?"

Hermione stood in the middle of the corridor wondering what to do next. It would be rude to spy on other people's conversation, but at the same time, they were talking about her. She had a right to know about what was being said about her. The real question was if she wanted to hear what people were saying behind her back.

"It's just that she seems different after what happened at Gringotts. And I'm not just talking about her hair here. She looks great and everything but it's a little out of character. She never really talks about it. Has she told you what happened?"

Hermione's eyes opened wide. This was not a topic she wanted to be discussed. Why couldn't they just let it be? Making up her mind, she quietly tiptoed to the door, it had been left slightly ajar allowing her to peeked into the room.

Harry was lying on his back on his bed, tossing the snitch Dumbledore had given him in the air, catching it deftly with one hand. Ron was sitting on his bed, legs folded in front of him, parchments spread across the covers. She had never seen him so absorbed with work in their entire educational upbringing. The twins were both sat on the floor with a stack of parchment by both their sides while a holster lay in front of them.

Taking a few steps back to make sure that the occupants of the room wouldn't see her, Hermione rested her head against the wall. She had to admit she was quite surprised that the twins, normally so cautious, hadn't thought to put a Silencing charm up. Then again, she supposed, it wasn't like their conversation was top secret.

She didn't have much time to think about it as Harry proceeded with the conversation.

"She hasn't said much, to be honest. When Ron and I talked to her she told us that she couldn't remember much about that day. About what happened after we separated," Harry paused, pushing his glasses up as he rubbed his eyes. "She thinks she might have subconsciously blocked out - the trauma so she wouldn't have to deal with it."

"That doesn't sound very good does it?" George said, looking at his twin.

Outside Hermione was holding her breath, her heart hammering in her chest.

"No, it doesn't," Fred answered. "She reminds me a bit of Ginny after her first year, minus the memory loss." Beside him, George hummed in agreement, his head nodding along as if to reiterate his point.

Ron looked up, his brow knitted in confusion. "What do you mean she reminds you of Ginny?"

"Well, the summer after her first year she just wasn't her normal self. She was very sullen, refused to leave her room and when she did it was for short periods of time. She categorically refused to leave the house even to go into the garden to play Quidditch with us and Merlin knows how she loves to play Quidditch."

"Don't forget how she used to be so jumpy and would snap at anyone who would talk in hushed tones around her. She also had terrible nightmares for a while, she would wake up screaming and in tears," George said taking over from Fred.

"What? I-I never heard anything," Ron stammered, surprised at this new piece of information.

Harry had stopped tossing the Snitch in the air, his face solemn as he listened to the twins. Like Ron he had never noticed Ginny's turmoil, granted he had not been around her that summer, but he felt as if he should have known something was wrong with her.

"I don't think we would have heard her either if our room wasn't so close to hers. Being right at the top there was no chance you would have heard her," Fred answered. "She refused to talk to anyone about it except that first time with Mum and Dad."

"What happened then?" Ron asked, he couldn't believe he hadn't been made aware of Ginny's situation.

Fred put the holster down on the floor and George picked it up straight away, bringing it up to eye level to inspect the seams. "We just took it upon ourselves to cheer her up, make her know that she was safe and that if she ever needed someone to talk to, we were here for her. It's also one of the reasons Mum and Dad decided to use the prize money Dad had won to go to Egypt. They thought it would get Ginny's mind off of things."

"I think the real change came when she started talking about what had happened to her. It wasn't doing her any good keeping it in," George continued, putting the holster back down and leaning back, resting against the foot of Harry's bed.

"I just can't believe that I didn't know about this. Why didn't anyone tell me?" Ron questioned.

His family constantly left him out of things and it drove him crazy. Did they not think he was worthy enough to be included in their conversations, their worries? Did they not think he could handle their concerns?

"It's not something that Ginny wanted to be known. Like Fred said we wouldn't have known about it if we weren't sharing a wall with her," George answered.

Ron grunted, he hated the way he was always dismissed, ignored for one of his older brothers. It seemed no matter what he did there was always something more important around the corner to overshadow him. Or conversations that he was never made a part of. Just put him at the top of the house, out of sight out of mind.

"But, I mean, Ginny was possessed by a piece of Voldemort's soul. I'm not saying that what she went through wasn't…difficult," he added sharing a knowing look with Harry, "but it's not having the Darkest Wizard in history messing with your brain. Plus Ginny was 11 when that happened to her, just a child. Hermione is much stronger. It wouldn't get that bad with her." Ron added, running his hands through his hair and slumping against the headboard, pushing the bits of parchment he had so meticulously been reading away.

"I thought Harry said you didn't know what happened to her," Fred interrupted, sitting up straight exchanging a curious look with George.

"And we don't… It's just previously, " Ron hesitated.

"Previously?" Fred questioned.

"Yeah. Previously. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows when we were on the hunt, you know. Shit happened."

Fred and George stared at Ron, their eyes wide in surprise while Harry tried not to roll his eyes at Ron's outburst. He seemed to have them more and more often these days.

Out in the hallway, Hermione sighed, her heart constricted in her chest as she tried to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. Ron was right, others had gone through worse than she did and at a more vulnerable time in their life. Ginny was just one example of many. She couldn't continue in this vicious circle of self-pity when so many others had been through more than she had and were coping just fine.

Hermione couldn't listen to them any longer. Tearing herself away from the conversation she tiptoed across the corridor and made her way down the stairs, telling herself that she had to pull herself together or else appear weak.

Stumbling into the kitchen she finds Ginny and Luna deep in conversation, the redhead holding the Ravenclaw's hands in hers, her thumb rubbing soothing circles on the back of her hand.

Surprised at having been interrupted the two girls look up at Hermione, their eyes wide.

"Have you seen Fleur?" Hermione asked, her eyes scanning the room for the blonde woman.

"She's gone to help Bill put the finishing touches on the wards at Longbottom Manor," Ginny answered, her hands never letting go of Luna's. "Shouldn't be long now before we can move in."

Hermione's stomach clenched at the news. The fact that Longbottom Manor would be ready soon did not bode well for her. That meant she would have to move, leave the house she had come to see as a safe haven.

Hermione felt her heart constrict.

* * *

Hermione stood in the middle of the entrance hall at Longbottom Manor, her gaze bouncing off the walls trying to assess her new living quarters.

The hallway was sparsely decorated, the main feature being the fireplace she had just used to get in. The only other decorations were the two armchairs by the main entrance with what she could only assume was an antique grandfather clock by their side. On the floor, spanning the whole length of the corridor was the most ornate carpet Hermione had ever seen. The whole thing was made of every shade of red known to mankind and seemed to shimmer in the light. She thought there might be some Gryffindor pride in that.

Even the decor of the room couldn't suppress the knot in her stomach that had made an appearance fours days earlier during the last Order meeting when Bill had announced Longbottom Manor was ready for occupation.

Hermione could not reiterate enough hoe much she no longer liked change, it made her feel on edge not knowing what was going to happen. There was no way for her to prepare herself for what was to come if she didn't know about it.

The fireplace whooshed to life and she turned around to face the new arrival. Fleur stepped out of the green flames with just a hint of soot on her boots that she quickly vanished with a flick of her wand.

"Ah, 'Ermione, you forgot to take ze clothes you came with," the blonde woman said handing her the neatly folded pile she was carrying.

Hermione looked at it with a mixture of disgust and horror. She felt as if the pink hoodie was daring her to pick it up, taunting her to do something about them.

It hadn't been a mistake, she had purposefully left the clothes behind, not wanting to have anything to do with them. It had been part of a purge to get rid of anything that reminded her of that day. To start afresh. How Fleur had found them she didn't know. She had stuffed them right at the back of the cupboard in her room.

"Thanks, Fleur," she answered offering the woman a small smile. Untying the small beaded purse from her wrist she opened it and handed it to the Frenchwoman. "Just put it in there, I'll sort it out later."

Fleur took hold of the purse and delicately put the items in, but not before looking at the purse with interest. "Zat is an eenteresting bit of magic. Ees it allowed?"

Hermione shrugged her shoulders in answer and Fleur smiled knowingly.

"You will 'ave to teach me zat, eet ees very practical," she said, handing the purse back to Hermione. "Do you know where you are going?"

"Yes, Ginny told me that our room is on the third floor, second door on the left. Apparently, we're on the same floor as Harry and Ron and Lavender, Cho and Luna." Hermione told her, trying not to roll her eyes at the mention of Lavender.

"Well zen, you are all set." Hermione nodded solemnly at Fleur's words.

She didn't want to leave Shell Cottage, she was comfortable there. She had Fleur who seemed to understand her better than she understood herself.

"If you need anyzing just let me know. D'accord?"

Hermione nodded again, her eyes glued to the top of her shoes.

"You'll be OK, you'll see," Fleur said, her hand resting on the top of Hermione's arm and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I am just a Floo away. You can come over whenever you like."

"Thank you, Fleur. For everything."

Hermione stared at her wanting to give the woman a hug. To thank her for everything she had done. She took a tentative step forward before changing her mind. She just wasn't ready yet for that kind of intimacy. Not yet, but soon.

"I'll see you around I guess," Hermione finished lamely.

"Yes you will," Fleur conceded, a bright smile on her face as Hermione took a few steps back before turning around completely and making her way to the staircase that stood at the end of the long hallway.

She had just made it to the staircase when she heard the sound of the Floo going off and she turned around to see that Fleur had gone.

Hermione was now well and truly alone.

* * *

Hermione made her way up the stairs to her shared room with Ginny in a daze. She felt uneasy with all the changes happening around her as if the world was suddenly askew and she was the only person who seemed to notice the changes.

Somewhere deep down she knew she should be feeling happy with the way things were going. Had she not wanted to start afresh a few weeks ago. Leave all the bad things behind? This was the opportunity she had been waiting for all along.

Hermione couldn't help but think that this was too fresh a start, too blank a page. She would have preferred something a little creased, something with scribbles on, something familiar that she could rely on. She hadn't wanted to leave Shell Cottage, it was safe and comfortable. She knew where Fleur kept the mugs, who liked to sit where and more importantly where she could sit to be close to the exit in every room. Here, at Longbottom Manor, she didn't even know where the shower was, not that she had any plans of using that any time soon.

Hermione didn't like not knowing. Not knowing made her feel anxious and anxiety led to thoughts and feelings she would rather not deal with.

She stood in front of the door collecting her thoughts before heaving a big sigh and entering the room.

Ginny looked up from the pile of clothes she was sorting through on her bed. "Hermione you made it," she exclaimed, a large smile on her face.

"Yes, well, taking the Floo isn't really complicated is it," Hermione responded trying to sound nonchalant about the situation even though she thought she might implode from all her feelings.

"You never know. You could have ended up in Borgin and Burkes like Harry did," the redhead joked though the thought of that happening sent a shiver down Hermione's spine. "That's your bed," the youngest Weasley continued pointing to the piece of furniture closest to the door.

Hermione made her way to it, surveying the room as she went. Just like the hallway, it was sparsely decorated though very large. They could have easily fitted one more bed in here and still had enough place to swing a cauldron in; she couldn't help but wonder why they were only two in one room when everyone else had to share with two others.

There was a large wardrobe, no, armoire Hermione thought on the opposite side of the room that spanned almost the entirety of the wall. She wondered what kind of person would have enough clothes to fit into that. Another large rug took centre stage by the foot of their beds, it was completely worn on one side and Hermione could just imagine someone pacing up and down on that side until all the threads had come loose.

She dropped her purse onto her bed and its contents rattle about before setting herself the task of unpacking.

"Ginny has Hermione arrived y-?" Fred stopped short spotting the brunette armpit deep rummaging through her bag. "Do you need a hand there Granger?" he asked walking towards her bed and flopping down onto it.

Hermione scrunched her nose in distaste at the sight of him messing up her previously perfectly made sheets. "What do you want Fred?"

"Ohh someone's a little grumpy today," he said pulling out a brand new holster from the back pocket of his trousers and handing it to her. "We still need to imprint it with your wand core and the bedazzling hex, but I thought you should try it on first to make sure it fits."

Hermione took hold of the holster making sure not to touch Fred in the process. It was dark chocolate brown in colour and made of a nice smooth leather, as soft as butter to the touch. Two thick straps crossed at the back where it was fastened with a big brass buckle.

"So, how's your room, Fred," Ginny asked as Hermione attempted to attach her holster.

"It's great, we're sharing with Lee so it's just like being back at Hogwarts," he replied. "Do you need help with that Granger?"

"No, I'm good. It's just a little fiddly," she said, her hands shaking. Her nerves were at it again, she knew that if the holster fit it would mean she would have to leave the house and do her part with the rest of the Order. That was the last thing she wanted, but if she told Kingsley or Lupin about it, she would end up looking weak.

"There we go," she exclaimed finally managing to attach the holster securely around her thigh. Straightening up she clasped her hands behind her back to hide the shaking.

Fred got up from the bed and made his way to her, crouching in front of her and inspecting his handiwork, making sure not to touch her. Behind them, Ginny snorted in amusement and Hermione looked around shooting daggers at with her eyes which only made Ginny more amused.

"It looks good. Does it feel nice and secure? Not too tight or too loose?" Fred questioned.

"No. It's a perfect fit," Hermione answered taking a few steps to check how it felt while on the move. "Yeah, it's fine."

"Great, take it off," he said pulling his wand and a vial out of his back pocket and Hermione couldn't help but wonder just how many things were in there and if he too had put an undetectable extension charm on his pockets.

Hermione took the holster off, her hands still shaking slightly and handed it back to him. "Where's your wand?" he asked.

The brunette witch side-stepped him and went to retrieve it from her purse before returning to him and handing it over.

"No, you hold it," he instructed, his brow furrowed in concentration.

Fred pointed his wand at Hermione's, their tips almost touching and the brunette felt a strange current run up her spine as he did so.

"Extractum medium," he whispered slowly turning his wand 180 degrees clockwise.

He slowly pulled his wand back and a thick red filament inched out of her wand. Hermione stared at him her eyes wide while Ginny had left her clothes behind and was standing right behind her staring at what Fred was doing.

The piece of dragon heart-string started to glow and hum as more of it continued to inch out. With a quick flick of his wrist counter-clockwise followed by a rapid upward movement, a small piece detached itself from the rest of the filament and Fred deftly inserted it into the vial. As if sensing it was no longer required the rest of the filament returned into the wand.

"That's quite impressive," Hermione murmured breaking the silence that had settled in the room.

"Thanks," Fred answered, corking the vial and putting it in his pocket. "It won't be long now before we have your holster ready. We just need to add that piece from your wand to the potion and immerse the holster in it. Then, of course, there's the bedazzling hex and that's it. Shouldn't be more than two days, three max."

Hermione nodded silently returning to her bed and sitting on the edge, while Ginny returned to her clothes while making conversation with Fred. She was too far in her thoughts to pay attention to what they were saying let alone participate..

Hermione thought she might be sick.

* * *

Hermione couldn't sleep. No matter what she did her mind just couldn't quiet down long enough for her to fall asleep.

Her bed, their room, the whole house felt too unfamiliar. Even at Shell Cottage, where the sound of the waves used to drive her crazy, she still knew that she was safe in a Weasley household. She didn't feel safe here, she didn't know anything about Longbottom Manor and even though she knew that every precaution had been taken to make the place secure she was still worried.

Pushing the sheets off of her, Hermione stood up and crept out of her room. She tip-toed along the hallway and silently made her way down the stairs to the kitchen, not wanting to wake up the other occupants of the house.

Entering the kitchen she stopped short, surprised to see that she wasn't the only one awake.

"Fred? How come you're still awake?" she asked, shuffling towards the cupboards trying to find where the mugs were kept.

"I just got back from my shift watching Grimmauld Place and I couldn't bring myself to go to bed straight away," he answered, turning around in his chair to face her. A small smile formed on his lips as he took in her appearance. She was wearing the t-shirt that had once belonged to Ginny and a pair of three quarter length pyjama trousers with little sheep on them that her mother had bought for her a few years back. There were silly, but she was very fond of them. "What about you?"

"Couldn't sleep. It's just all too unfamiliar for me, I suppose it'll take me some time to get used to it all. How's the surveillance going?"

"Good, I suppose. There hasn't been much movement on the outside, but that doesn't mean they're not using the Floo or simply Apparating. I guess we'll know more once Snape gets back to us about the on goings in the house."

"When will that be do you think?"

"When he's done licking Voldemort's pale ass, I suppose" he answered, a cheeky grin on his face.

Hermione wrinkled her nose at the image though she couldn't help a small smile from forming on her lips. Joining him on the table, she chose the seat opposite him, her fingers wrapped around her mug of tea warming her already sweaty hands. She didn't think she had ever been alone for more than a few minutes with the prankster. She never had much to tell him, their interests were too different.

"Since when have you been drinking Firewhiskey," she asked indicating the glass that he had been holding, occasionally swirling the amber liquid around.

"Since Death Eaters burnt our shop down and we had to go into hiding."

"I'm sorry about that, Ron told us what had happened."

"Oh, it's OK, business had started to decrease and it's not like we could have pranked the Death Eaters into submissions," he answered, taking a sip of his drink.

"I'm sure if you and George put your heads to it, you'd have found a way to do just that."

"I like the way you think Granger."

"You know I've always wondered why you always call me that. Granger that is," Hermione said, softly blowing on her tea.

"Well, Hermione is far too long to say and Mione is too familiar. I don't feel I know you well enough to call you Mione. Also, it's what Ron calls you and I don't want to be associated with him more than I already am. Granger seemed a good in between. Why? Do you not like it?" he asked leaning onto the table.

"No," she replied after having paused to think about it. "I don't really mind. I was just wondering."

"Maybe I should call you Herms?" he teased.

"No, please don't," she said frowning.

"I think it has a lovely ring to it."

"You would, wouldn't you. You just think you're so much better because you can't shorten your name."

"I can shorten my name," Fred said with a look of mock horror on his face. "And here I thought 'Fre' had quite a nice ring to it." he continued with a roguish smile and a wink.

Hermione chuckled happily in her chair, a large smile on her face as she tried to downplay her reaction by rolling her eyes at his silliness. Fred's eyes lit up at her reaction, it was the first genuine smile she had had in over a month.

And she felt better like a small weight had been lifting off of her shoulders. She knew it wouldn't last long. It couldn't, because so much plagued her mind. But for a little while, she wouldn't have to think about all of that. She wouldn't have to worry, she wouldn't have to constantly watch her back.

Hermione felt relieved.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 _Rise by Katy Perry_

A/N: Thank you to Primrue for helping me with some research for this chapter. On top of being an amazing cheerleader she is an extraordinary researcher. Go check out her stories if you haven't already. Also thank you for all the reviews and favouriting. I reached 100 followers and I couldn't be more grateful.

* * *

"The last item of the day is this week's surveillance rota," Kingsley said from the head of the table.

It was their first Order meeting since having made Longbottom Manor their new headquarters and the kitchen was packed full of people. The whole of Gryffindor tower both previous and present were assembled around the table. Scattered amongst them was an assortment of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. It was a mismatch of young and old, a group of people that would have never met had it not been for this war.

"I'm going to start with the rota for the Room of Requirement. Sunday night we've got Alicia, George, Cho and Arthur. Monday morning is Fleur, Neville, Hannah and Katie."

The boys wiggled their eyebrows suggestively at Neville. He was going to spend eight hours alone with three girls; it was all of their dreams come true. Neville sat quietly in his chair blushing all the way to the root of his hair trying to ignore their suggestive behaviour.

"Monday night is Dean, Luna, Hermione and…"

"Excuse me, did you just say my name," Hermione interrupted, a feeling of dread growing in her stomach. This couldn't be happening.

"Yes, I did," Kingsley answered looking at her questioningly. "Is there a problem?"

All eyes were on Hermione and she tried to gulp down the rising bile in her throat. "No, no. No problem. I just wasn't aware I was eligible for this," she answered.

"You have your holster don't you," Kingsley questioned and Hermione nodded her head. "Well, then you are all set to go. That and being of sound body and mind are our only requirement. You have the all clear on all fronts don't you?" he questioned and Hermione nodded her head once again.

Returning to the piece of parchment, his eyes scanned through the names till he got to the place where he had left off. "And Fred, you'll be joining them. Next, up we have Ernie, Anthony, Bill and Penelope for Tuesday morning…"

Hermione blocked out the rest of the conversation. She couldn't believe that this was happening. She knew that it wouldn't be long before she would have to go back into the thick of things, but Fred had given her her holster only yesterday. She had thought she might have a few more days to prepare herself. There no longer was any possibility for her to hide away and ignore everything that was happening in the world. She would have to face it head on like everybody else.

She felt tears starting to form behind her eyelids and she pointedly stared at the floor to try and stop them from spilling down her face. She couldn't lose control in front of everyone and especially not at an Order meeting.

Hermione wasn't ready for this, but what choice did she have?

* * *

Hermione didn't sleep the night before her first mission, not that she slept much anyway. She was still plagued by nightmares every time she closed her eyes and more often than not she would wake up thrashing in bed. It was fine when she was at Shell Cottage as she was alone in her room but now that she shared her room with Ginny she was afraid the youngest Weasley would find out about her night terrors and tell the others. Instead, she slept in small fretful doses never letting herself fall into too deep a sleep.

The lack of sleep was starting to show. She had begun to cast a glamour charm on herself every morning to stop people from noticing the dark bags under her eyes that kept getting bigger and darker every morning. She hadn't been very good at them at first but after a few tries the brunette witch had got the hang of it. She could almost compete with Lavender. The last thing she needed was for people to start questioning her about her sleeping habits which would then lead to the reason for her lack of sleep.

Dragging her feet, Hermione made her way to the entrance hall where she was meeting Fred. She hadn't taken the time to visit the Manor since she had arrived, keeping to her room, the bathroom and the kitchen, the only rooms she had a use for.

Even though she wanted to move on and forget about everything that had happened she had been going through a slump in the last few days and had avoided any kind of socialising than absolutely necessary. The move from Shell Cottage had taken a toll on her and having to acclimatise to a whole new surrounding was difficult. Even Harry's mention of a library hadn't tempted her enough to leave the comforts of her room.

As she made it to the entrance hall, she noticed Fred slumped on one of the armchairs in front of the fireplace, one of his legs dangling over the armrest. Upon hearing her approach, he looked up from the pair of Extendable Ears he was fiddling with, his eyes scanning her through his fringe.

"You're late," he said standing up and walking towards her, stuffing the Extendable Ears in his trousers.

"Sorry, I lost track of time," Hermione lied, she had procrastinated meeting him for as long as she could. Doing and redoing her bed at least five times.

They met in front of the fireplace and Hermione examined him quickly. He didn't seem worried or tense at all at the prospect of going on a surveillance mission. He was his normal nonchalant self and Hermione wondered how he could keep his cool so easily.

"The mighty Granger lost track of time. That is unheard of," he teased.

"Yes, well it happens to the best of us," she responded. "So, tell me, how are we getting to Hogwarts," she continued, wanting to change the subject from her change in behaviour.

"Via the Hog's Head," Fred answered as if it was the most obvious statement ever.

"The Hog's Head?"

"Yeah, you know, the place we went for our first DA meeting."

"Why there?" she asked, there weren't any secret passages from there to Hogwarts. At least not any that were on the Marauder's Map.

"Well, it belongs to Aberforth and it's the safest and closest place to Hogwarts. It's quite a funny story really," he began leaning against the mantelpiece of the fireplace. "When Neville started using the Room of Requirement as an in-house resistance, he soon ran out of ways to get food for such a large number of people so the Room, in all of its wisdom created a passage to the Hog's Head to allow them to get food from there instead of having to go to the kitchens, which was apparently under great surveillance."

"Aberforth? As in Dumbledore's brother? He's the owner of the Hog's Head?"

"Technically, they're both Dumbledore's and both brothers so -" Fred stopped short upon noticing Hermione's less than amused face, "- yes the owner of The Hog's Head is Alb-, Dumbledore's brother," he finished, this was the wrong crowd to try and joke with.

Hermione nodded her head trying to process the information she had just been imparted with. To think that Dumbledore's brother was just a few metres away this whole time. It was a piece of information she would have to look into later.

"So, how are we getting there? Floo," she said eyeing the fireplace.

"No, we're Apparating. Aberforth doesn't have a fireplace plus with the Ministry monitoring the Floo network it wouldn't be safe. It's fine if a house is under Fidelius but otherwise it's far too dangerous."

"Apparating? But I don't know the place well enough to Apparate there," Hermione said, panic starting to creep up on her.

"I know. That's what I'm here for, to take you by Side-Along Apparation," he informed her.

Hermione's eyes grew wide and her right arm folded across her chest and held tight onto her left bicep. "I… I don't think that's a good idea," she said her eyes darting around the room in an attempt to avoid eye contact with Fred.

"What? Why not?" he asked, confused. It wasn't as though it was Hermione's first time Apparating. She had done it maybe a hundred times; there was no reason for her to be apprehensive about it.

Hermione finally locked eyes with him, her mouth agape while she tried to think of something to tell him. The truth wasn't a possibility and she had to settle for a pathetic shaking of the head.

"OK then, we better get going. We're already late and I don't want to have to deal with Kingsley and his speech about tardiness… again."

Fred took a few steps towards her until he was standing beside her, their arms almost touching. Hermione had never noticed how much he towered over her. Not as much as Ron did but enough that she had to lean her head back if she wanted to look at him from so close.

"It'll just be a minute Hermione, not even," he said softly, leaning towards her. He could see the apprehension in her eyes and it worried him.

People often thought that because he made a living of pranks that he wasn't aware of other people's feelings and emotions. He was a keen observer; he had to be, his livelihood depended on how people would react to pranks. And he was even more so when it came to people he cared about and he cared about Hermione. He had known her since she was but just a little eleven-year-old and she had grown on him even if she did boss them around.

The redhead extended his arms towards her for her to hold onto and gave her a small smile of encouragement. Hermione gulped and fingers trembling, took hold of his arm, reminding herself that this was only Fred, she had nothing to be worried about.

As soon as her fingers touched his arm she felt the pull behind her navel and she felt herself being pushed and squashed and squeezed in every direction. She couldn't breathe and it sent alarm bells ringing in her head.

By the time her feet hit the hard wooden floor of the pub she thought her head was going to explode from the pressure. She stumbled forward a few steps, her breath coming back to her in large gasps. Tears sprang to her eyes and she felt as if she were going to be sick.

"Are you OK?" Fred asked coming up behind her, hesitating to put his arm around her shoulders to comfort her. He didn't think she would appreciate it very much after her reaction to having to hold onto him.

"If you're going to be sick I'd rather you do it in the bucket," Aberforth intervened, transfiguring one of the bar stools she was standing next to into a steel bucket. His eyes travelled up and down her form, pausing for a moment on her hair or lack thereof before resuming their progression.

Hermione met the stare of the elderly man standing in front of them. He resembled Dumbledore a great deal, with his long grey beard and bright blue eyes hidden behind spectacles. However, unlike Albus, his eyes didn't twinkle with mischievousness and instead he looked quite grumpy.

"I'm fine," Hermione answered, wiping away the few tears that had spilt out with the back of her hands before straightening herself out.

Glancing towards Fred she shot him an embarrassed smile to which he replied with a smile and a shrug of his shoulders as if someone bursting into tears after Apparating was a normal occurrence.

"We're all good Ab," Fred said and the owner of the pub looked dubiously at Hermione before turning around and walking towards the back of his inn, the both of them following closely behind.

In the back room, he stopped in front of a picture of a young girl with long blonde hair who looked inquisitively at the trio before turning to face Aberforth with a happy look on her face.

"Who's that?" Hermione questioned indicating the portrait, beside her Fred snorted.

"Ever so tactful when it comes to learning something new," Hermione shot him a dirty look before turning to Aberforth.

"This is my sister, Ariana," he answered.

"Oh," Hermione whispered, averting her eyes.

"I can see you already know about her, though probably not the truth. I won't impart you with the particulars of her story considering you're already late," he said, a disapproving look in his eyes. "Godric knows how you lot are going to defeat You-Know-Who if you can't even keep time. But if you're interested you can always ask your friend Potter. I had a few things to tell him the last time he was here, some of them about Ariana."

Hermione looked at the older man in a mixture of surprise and relief. Surprise that Harry had had a conversation with Aberforth about a topic as sensitive as Ariana and relief that he hadn't shared it with her. There was a time not too long ago where she would have raged at him for not telling her about it, but now she felt assuaged knowing she wouldn't have to worry about the ever growing lists of concerns of this war.

Aberforth turned to face Ariana, cutting their conversation short and smiled warmly at her before whispering a few words to the blonde girl. The young girl smiled endearingly at her brother before walking down the path behind her, the painting slowly transforming into a tunnel the further away she went.

Hermione inched closer to Fred, she wasn't sure what she had been expecting but a dark and deserted tunnel had not been one of them. It did nothing to quell the anxiety that had been building in her chest since that morning.

"Well, no point staring at it," the old man huffed, "it ain't gonna cross itself."

"Come on Granger, let's get you to the Room and away from this nagging goat," Fred teased while Aberforth snorted at him shaking his head dismissively at the redhead.

Fred walked over to the painting, climbing over the frame and into the opening of the tunnel. Hermione watched him go before following after him, a sense of uneasiness looming over her. She didn't know what the Order was thinking; making people walk through a restrictive tunnel with little to no light and no means of knowing what was ahead.

"We'll see you later Ab," Fred shouted, turning around and with a final wave he set forth, Hermione following close behind.

Torches lined the wall of the tunnel and every few steps they would lit up to lead the way while the ones behind extinguished themselves in a soft puff. The lighting did nothing to ease Hermione's fear. Fred tried to initiate conversation but she was too deep in her thoughts to participate.

Images of Death Eaters jumping out of the shadows and spells flying at them from unseen casters all passed in front of her mind's eye. Every time she pushed one image to the back of her mind another would follow right behind. It took all of her concentration to do such a simple task, even though she found it was getting easier to ignore the taunting thoughts.

It had become a game. Take the thought, put it in a box, shut it tight and shove it away, someplace she couldn't see or think about it. Box, shove, box, shove, box, shove. It was repetitive, it was clinical, it was exactly what she needed.

The walk to the Room of Requirement was a long one and to Hermione, it felt even longer. Finally, she saw a speck of light in front of them and her heart leapt at the sight of it, her steps increased as she progressed.

At the sight of room, Hermione's mouth fell agape. It had been transformed into a huge mismatched campsite. There were hammocks tied around pillars and armours, four poster beds dispersed around the room, tents crowded in corners. There were signs scattered around indicating different areas so people couldn't get lost. She walked past one indicating a library and she had to do a double-take to make sure she hadn't imagined it.

Fred led the way through the labyrinth of beds, tents and miscellaneous objects while Hermione looked on in awe. It had been seven years since she'd been first introduced to magic and it still managed to astound her.

She knew the Room of Requirement could transform into anything that the occupier desired but this was beyond what she could ever imagine. There must have been over a hundred people living in here and every one of their needs seemed to be taken care of.

Hermione followed the redhead until they reached a large seating area in what she thought was the middle of the room. Cosy armchairs and sofas littered the space with a few desks dotted around. Her eyes scanned the area which she imagined was meant to look like an odd mix of all four common rooms.

Her eyes landed on Luna stretched out on one sofa, Dean was beside her on the floor, sprawled on his stomach a sketch pad in front of him.

"Their wings are much smaller and have a more diaphanous quality," Luna instructed while Dean rubbed away at the sketch he had been drawing.

"Oh, there you two are," Luna said airily, noticing them approach, "I thought the Nargles might have led you away. There seems to be quite a few of them here. I guess it's due to all the things they can steal, it's a real treasure trove for them."

Fred slumped down on the sofa opposite Luna taking the Extendable Ear he had been fiddling with out of his pocket, oblivious to Luna's discourse.

Following suite Hermione curled into an armchair her feet tucked under her. She wasn't sure what they were supposed to do. Kingsley had said they had to watch the place, but she wasn't sure what that entailed. Based on her friend's behaviour it meant laze about for the next eight hours.

"You know where else there are a lot of Nargles? Malfoy Manor," she stated as if it were the most normal thing to say. Fred looked up at her, his eyebrows raised in surprised. Dean rolled his eyes as if he'd heard the story a thousand times before and couldn't be less bothered.

Hermione's palms began to sweat and she wiped them on the front of her jeans. Despite the fear that gripped her stomach at the mention of Malfoy Manor and the potential, it brought in bringing up subjects she didn't want to speak about she couldn't help but be in awe at how calmly Luna talked about her imprisonment there.

"Did you know that on top of being mischievous thieves they are quite sensitive to negativity, it draws them out of hiding. There's a lot of negativity in that place. It's quite sad really."

Fred snorted, a mocking sound that filled the room. "They brought it upon themselves, Luna, you can't be feeling sad for them. Maybe if they hadn't invited You-Know-Who into their house, they wouldn't have such an infestation of Nargles."

Unconsciously Hermione started rubbing soothing circles on her forearm where the scar Bellatrix had left was. Her stomach twisted, a now familiar sign that they were veering into uncomfortable territory.

"Aren't we suppose to be doing some surveillance," she asked hoping to change the subject. "Maybe something that doesn't entail us lounging about."

Hermione found that the best way to deal with all the emotions she was feeling especially when she was overwhelmed was to revert to her old, prissy self. The analytical part of her brain that compartmentalised everything left her feeling more in control. She knew it wasn't one of her better features and it tended to grate on some people's nerves, but abiding by rules and following instructions meant that she had control of the situation. It was not something that she had a lot of recently. She would cling to what she could.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Fred noticed her movements and frowned at the sight of it, his lips pursed into a thin line. He was dying to ask her about the scar he had seen but knew that he had to wait for the opportune moment when she wouldn't be so on guard and he filed the information away with the rest of the questions he wanted to ask her.

"There's not much we can do," Dean said, looking up from his drawing for the first time. "We can't actually go out of the room in fear of being attacked. If you stand in front of the entrance door a peephole will appear and you can have a look on the outside but they all wear masks so it's difficult to tell if it's a constant stream of different Death Eaters or the same eight all the time."

"We've established that they change over every four hours but with no knowledge of who's behind the mask we can't tell how many Death Eaters are actually in the castle," Fred intervened. "Even Snape doesn't know the exact number or what kind of rota is in place for the Room of Requirement. Apparently, You-Know-Who told him that it is of no concern to him and he should focus on moulding the minds of the next generation."

"We can, however, count on the fact that whoever is watching the Room will try their hand at getting in"

Just as the words came out of his mouth a large bang resounded through the room making Hermione. Sitting straight in her chair, her heart hammering in her chest, she peered through the mountain of furniture and into the darkness to where the sound had come from.

Another loud bang echoed through the room followed by a few consecutive explosions, all coming from the entrance of the room.

Hermione swallowed the lump in her throat. She was half expecting to see Death Eaters swarming the room and the four of them, having been taken by surprise and not been able to escape, captured by them.

She turned to look at her friends; they were all spread comfortably in their respective seats, neither of them bothered by the Dark sides attempt at getting into the Room of Requirement. This was obviously a regular occurrence for them.

Fred eyed her carefully, watching her jump every time an explosion sounded in the room. She looked liked a terrified animal about to be slaughtered. "They're not going to be able to get in Hermione. The room won't let anyone who isn't welcome into it. It has the strongest magic, you won't find a safer place," he soothed.

Fred's calming words did nothing to help Hermione. Her eyes darted across the room retracing the steps she had taken from Ariana's portrait to where they were now. She was on high alert and she needed to be sure she knew the exit route by heart. Taking her wand out of her holster she refused to let go of it until they were back in Longbottom Manor eight hours later.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 _Fix You by Coldplay_

A/N: Huge thank you to everyone that has favourited and reviewed this story. An especially big thank you to all the Guest reviewers that I cannot personally thank. Your reviews mean the world to me.

* * *

"So, how'd you like your first surveillance mission," Fred asked as they made their way back down the tunnel.

The group that was supposed to replace them had been late to arrive, it seemed they all had a problem with tardiness. Seeing as the Room of Requirement couldn't be left unattended unless they wanted to relinquish its tenure to the Death Eaters there had to be at least one person in the room at all times. As they had arrived late when their shift first started Fred offered for him and Hermione to stay behind and wait for Bill and the others to show up while Dean and Luna returned to Headquarters.

Hermione almost collapsed at the thought of having to spend more time than was necessary in the Room. All of her senses were on high alert and she was high strung from the past eight hours spent on the edge of her seat, terrified that something, anything might happen.

"It was alright I suppose," Hermione answered in a clipped tone, "it did drag on for a bit."

"Well, we did tell you to go and have a snoop around, maybe have a look at the library. After all, it was the first time you visited this place, you'd think you might be curious about it."

Hermione bristled at his question and refused to answer. The last thing she had wanted was to leave the safety of the group to go and wander around a large and empty room that she didn't know anything about. What if they had been attacked during that time, she would have been lost with no knowledge of how to escape. Just the thought of it had her skin pebbling with goose bumps.

"You seemed a little fidgety in there," Fred persevered when Hermione didn't answer him.

He was tired of beating around the bush, tiptoeing around her. He knew something was up, he had confirmation of that after seeing her reaction to the Death Eaters trying to enter the Room. She was keeping something from them and if she wasn't going to talk about it then he would bring it up. Patience was not one of his strong suits. There was no time like the present to ask the questions that had been burning him since her return from the Horcrux hunt.

"It was nothing," she answered trying to appear nonchalant. "Just a bit of restlessness from being seated in one place for too long."

"It didn't seem like restlessness. It looked like you were scared of something. Every time there was a loud noise you would jump in your seat."

"Wouldn't you be startled by loud noises which have no consistency, rhyme or reason. It's a perfectly normal reaction," she answered shrugging her shoulders, trying to remain calm.

"There's a difference between being startled and being afraid. You definitely looked afraid."

"And pray tell how would you know the difference between the two," she questioned increasing her pace to try to get away from him. If the tunnel had felt long the first time, it seemed to be endless now.

"I've known you for seven years, I'd like to think that I know the difference between your startled face and your scared face. Especially considering that I've startled you enough times over the years with my pranks."

Hermione snorted at that. A few pranks that lead to inadvertent frights did not mean he knew her. It only meant that he was good at startling her.

"I know you haven't told anyone what happened to you, not even Harry and Ron. Maybe you should talk about what happened you know. It might help ease some of the weight on our shoulders and calm your mind." he ventured, hoping that by bringing the subject up she might take the opportunity to unload her mind.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she answered, irritation starting to build up in her. "Nothing happened."

"That's not what that scar on your arm says," he bit back. "I just think that you should confide in someone. Holding onto things just makes it fester inside of you," he continued more softly.

"I'm sorry I didn't realise you were my psychologist," she said spitefully, angry at all the questions he had for her. "You should stop with all the thinking before you hurt your poor little brain."

Fred stopped short upon hearing her words, surprised at their cruelty. "Just because I'm not book smart like you doesn't mean that I'm incompetent," he snapped back, running after her once he had recovered from his emotions.

"Well then maybe you should prove it and stop talking about things you don't understand."

"Maybe if you explained them to me then I would understand."

"There's nothing to understand," she yelled back, the sound of glasses being knocked against each other coming from further down the tunnel. They were getting close to the exit and Hermione sent a silent prayer of thanks to the Gods.

"Stop acting as though you know me. You don't have a clue of what would qualify my behaviour has abnormal. You can't possibly think that the handful of times we've talked makes you all knowing about me."

Hermione's heart was thumping and anger was beginning to bubble in her chest. It didn't help that she had spent the whole night on the edge of her seat, barely holding it together. She was tired and anxious and was starting to feel quite threatened with all of Fred's questions.

The brunette witch had just started to get a handle on her emotions. She had managed to build for herself a tentative coping mechanism. One that involved forgetting everything that led to her trauma and pretending it never happened. It wasn't perfect but in some ways, it had been working for her.

However, Fred was now trying to destroy the small balance she had created for herself. Undermining what work she had done and questioning her about things that didn't concern him. He had so many questions that her head was spinning with them. Questions she herself did not want answers to.

"I may not be Harry or Ron but that doesn't mean I don't care about you or that I don't know you for that matter," he said catching up to her and grabbing hold of her wrist to try and slow her down. "You can deny it as much as you like but we're friends and that means that I worry about you and as a friend, it is my business to watch out for you."

Hermione wrenched her hand free of Fred's grip, storming off down the corridor and the last few metres until she tumbled out of the frame and into Aberforth's pub.

"Actually this is none of your business," she replied as she made her way to the front of the pub where they had Apparated earlier on, barrelling past Aberforth who was cleaning the tables. His eyebrows rose at the sight of the fiery brunette, a drastic development compared to her meek arrival.

"If I were you I'd concentrate on your little inventions instead of meddling in other people's lives,"she yelled back at him turning around to face him. Fred was certain that if she still had her old bushy hair, it would be crackling under the weight of her anger and magic. "They could use a little polishing, they're good but not great."

Anger was boiling in her veins. How dare he speak to her as if he knew her, knew what she had been through. She was doing just fine by herself and she didn't need anyone poking around trying to help her. Especially not people who couldn't take no for an answer and kept on pushing and pushing. She had to vent it out if only to divert from her and bring back the focus to something other than her.

Her words stung Fred and he stopped short in his chase after her. He could understand that she might be angry with him over all the questions he was asking her but her spitefulness was beyond him.

"Where are you going?" he asked as he watched her hurriedly make her way across the room.

"Longbottom Manor," she snapped back.

"Wait, what," he said resuming his chase after her through the labyrinth of stools and tables. "You can't go back."

"And why can't I," she said finally reaching the point where they had Apparated earlier on in the day. "I know perfectly well where I am going," she continued through gritted teeth, her wand already in hand.

With a loud pop, she Apparated away not waiting to hear Fred's response. The prankster swore at the empty space she had just been standing in. Taking his own wand out if his holster to follow after her.

Behind him, Aberforth shook his head in despair. If he had known that this would be the type of behaviour he would have to deal with he would have never agreed for his pub to be used as a stop-over.

* * *

Fred stumbled forward as he landed in the entrance hall of Longbottom Manor. Hermione was already making her way up the stairs and he had to jog after her to catch up.

"Hermione, wait," he shouted, climbing the steps two at a time. "Look I'm sorry," he continued stopping at the first landing to catch his breath, while Hermione continued forward, not even stopping to look behind or acknowledge his words.

"Hermione," he whined as he watched her storm up the stairs, her pace never abating. "I know I shouldn't have pried into your life and I'm sorry. I promise it won't ever happen again," he said in an effort to calm her. She obviously wasn't in a forgiving mood.

Hermione snorted at his words. If she knew one thing about the twins was their relentless search for answers once they had something in mind.

Reaching the second-floor landing, she walked down the corridor stomping her feet. Turning the handle of the door leading to her room, she slammed it shut behind her. Throwing the strongest locking charm she could think of and a silencing charm up, she wouldn't have to hear any more of Fred's excuses. She needed some peace and quiet.

Fred reached the door a second too late and jiggled at the handle, trying uselessly to open it before taking out his wand and trying to unlock the spell she had put up.

"For Merlin's sake Hermione," he shouted, banging his palm on the hardwood door, adding a kick for good measure. "You can't just ignore what just happened. We have to talk about it."

After ten minutes of shouting, kicking, cursing and banging didn't manage to get Hermione to open the door, he pressed his forehead against the panel in defeat. The girl was infuriating.

* * *

Hermione entered the family room at Longbottom Manor not expecting anyone to be there. It was late in the night or early in the morning depending on how you saw it and she was avoiding sleep as she always did.

The family room at the Manor was her favourite. It was the warmest and most inviting of the multitude even surpassing the kitchen.

The room was painted a soft brown with the lights never emitting anything past a soft glow. A dark brown U-shaped sofa throned in the middle of the room in front of a lit fireplace. The sofa was covered in cushions all varying in different shapes and sizes as well as a stack of blankets. An Afghan carpet completed the look.

On both sides of the fireplace were two large bookshelves, filled with a varied selection of books; just a piece of what the actual library looked like.

During the day, light streamed through the large bay window that spanned the entirety of one wall giving out to the gardens.

But Hermione's favourite feature of the room were the pictures of the Longbottom family that littered the walls and tables. Pictures of Frank throughout his life, starting off as a chubby baby in the arms of an imposing woman with a large hat on her head, sans vulture Hermione couldn't help but notice. The pictures continued to depict Frank's transition into adulthood with a particular picture of him holding tight to the hand of a round-faced woman with short hair and kind eyes at their graduation. Wedding pictures of Alice waving frantically to whoever was taking the picture and Frank looking at her with adoring eyes.

Then came the pictures of Neville. A few of them at the hospital the day he was born and then continuing on from there. Eating his first pumpkin pie, his first steps in the exact room she was in, him happily playing in the mud of the garden. And her favourite one, the three of them lying on their backs, their heads under the Christmas tree, their feet sticking outwards, staring at the lights from under. Hermione could practically hear little Neville giggling in awe at the sight of the twinkling lights.

This was a happy place. The whole room oozed comfort and Hermione could happily spend days ensconced in it.

Hermione was pulled out of her reverie by the sound of two people whispering. She was surprised to find out that there were other people awake at this time. Slowly, she tiptoed forward until she could see over the back of the sofa. Two identical heads of red hair were sitting on the floor, leaning over a large tome and arguing over its contents.

The brunette witch started backing away slowly, her stomach a tense ball of nerves. She had successfully managed to avoid Fred for the last several weeks. Feigning headaches or other symptoms to get out of Order meetings. On the occasions where she couldn't get out of them she would make sure to arrive late and position herself far away from him, almost running out of the room when the meeting was over.

She had even begged Remus on a number of occasions to change her surveillance shift whenever she was with Fred. The last time she had gone to his office, she hadn't needed to say a word, he had handed her, her brand new rota as if he knew she would be coming that day. Her cheeks had tinged a bit at the thought that her former professor had discovered the reason for her occasional change of timetable, she was however relieved that he didn't pry any further into the reasons for it.

At the sight of the twins she slowly started to back out, her eyes glued to the tops of their heads. She had avoided them so far and she had every intention of continuing to do so. just as she was about to get to the door, the floorboard creaked just as her foot touched the only inch of floor that wasn't covered by the plush carpet.

Before she could even react the two boys had jumped up from their position and had their wands pointed at her.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Granger snooping around," said George with a mischievous look, both of them putting their wands away. "Trying to eavesdrop on our conversation are you?"

"Hardly," she replied defensively crossing her arms in front of her. "I couldn't sleep and thought I'd come down here and read. I didn't think anyone else would be awake."

Hermione's eyes scanned the two of them, they're facial expressions couldn't be any more different. Where George had a happy smile on his face and didn't seem bothered by Hermione's interruption, Fred, on the other hand, looked miffed.

"Are you sure you couldn't sleep? Because those bags under your eyes say differently" Fred said mirroring Hermione's stance.

The witch flinched at his comment. She hadn't thought she would be seeing anyone this late at night and hadn't bothered glamouring her bags and sallow face from the lack of sleep.

"Why Fred that is no way to talk to a lady," George teasingly scolded.

Fred shrugged his shoulders and returned to the book on the floor, his back to the two of them. George's eyebrows rose in surprise at his actions, there was obviously something going on between the two of them that he wasn't aware of. It was made even stranger due to the fact that his brother hadn't told him about it.

"Well, I'm just going to leave you two to sort out through whatever this is," he said indicating the air between them. Fred's head whipped up and he glared at his twin, mumbling something to him that made George chuckle.

"I expect to hear all about this in the morning," he continued making his way across the room while Fred tried to grab him by the ankle to make him stop. "You're a child," he remonstrated Fred as he glared daggers at him as he made his way out of the room. He brushed past Hermione to get to the door and with a whispered 'good luck', he shut the door behind him leaving the two of them alone.

Hermione stood in awkward silence by the door as Fred returned to his book, making clear that he was ignoring her.

The brunette didn't know what to say to break the ice. Apologising was definitely out of the question. She knew she had said some false and hurtful things to him. It had been out of character for her. Vindication wasn't one of her traits and for good reason.

She had felt attacked on that day, trapped by his incessant questions. Even after she had told him she didn't want to talk about it, he had continued questioning her not taking her feelings into consideration.

Taking a step back Hermione knew it came from a good place. He was worried about her but in the heat of the moment, she hadn't seen that. All she knew was that he was attacking her and she had to protect herself.

"I'll leave you to be," she murmured after what felt like forever but was really only a few minutes.

Fred sighed from his place at the foot of the sofa. "You've been avoiding me," he said ignoring what she had said and pulling himself up onto the sofa.

"Yes," she answered, there was no point deny it. Turning to face him, their eyes met briefly before she decided to fix a point on the wall. His eyes made her uncomfortable as if he could see through the façade she had put up. She felt vulnerable under his gaze. And she didn't like being vulnerable.

"Why?" he asked, running his hand through his hair.

"Because I was angry with you. You were incessant with all your questions and I felt attacked. You could see that I didn't want to talk about but you kept on pushing and… and I snapped."

Fred nodded his head solemnly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. It won't happen again. And if you ever need to talk to someone know that I will be here for you." he said.

Hermione smiled, her cheeks taking on light pink hue. "Thanks."

"Now that that is sorted, we can return to our regular planned activities," he said patting the seat next to him on the sofa.

Hermione hesitated for a few seconds before joining him on the sofa, opting to sit opposite him instead of next to him. Even if they weren't touching it was still too close for her. Nestling herself in the corner, legs curled up under her, the witch watched him lean down to pick up the book he and George had been looking at before she arrived.

"What are you reading?" she asked.

"The Dark Arts; 101 ways to protect yourself," he said holding the book up for her to see. "It' a bit old but we thought it might have some interesting bits of information. With all the information we've gathered from the surveillance of Grimmauld Place and with what Snape has provided us it won't be long before we attack and we thought we would see if we could find any new ways to defend ourselves here. They have surprisingly little books on Dark Magic for a Pureblood family."

"You're from a Pureblood family and I've never seen any Dark Magic books in your house."

"Point taken," Fred said an amused grin on his face. "I suppose I see Manor and I think Dark Arts. It's a terrible preconception, especially when we know that Neville would never hurt a fly."

Hermione hummed her approval. Longbottom Manor was very different from what she had seen of Wizarding Manors though she doubted that Malfoy Manor was a point of reference.

"Are you worried about the attack on Grimmauld Place?" she asked after a moment of silence.

During the last few weeks, the Order had managed to get a lot of concrete information about the security levels and Death Eater rotas of their old Headquarters. The more information they acquired, the more Hermione became nervous. Plans for an attack were being drawn out and it would only be a matter of days, maybe weeks if she was lucky before they would swarm the place to take it back.

"It's only normal to be a little nervous," Fred said closing his book on his index so he wouldn't lose the page he was on. "After all, we are fighting in a war but I think we are as prepared as we are going to be. All we can do after that is just hope."

Hermione snuggled herself back into the cushions, watching Fred as he returned to his book when she didn't answer him. The last time she had hoped for things to go well was at Gringotts and that did not go as planned, she thought as her eyes started to blink shut, heavy with sleep. Maybe, this time would be better than the last.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

 _Youth by Daughter_

A/N: Please heed the warning made in the prologue. The texts in italics are flashbacks.

* * *

"I don't understand why Bill can't work on dismantling the wards from outside the house. Surely if he is Disillusioned and we cover him it shouldn't be a problem. It's not like they have a Fidelius charm up, we can see the house from the street," Ron said exasperatedly.

The Order had called a meeting to organise the upcoming attack on Grimmauld Place. Everything needed to be sorted out before they could even arrange a date for it, there were to be no kinks or hiccups on the day as it was of utmost importance that they succeed in their plan to take back what rightfully belonged to them. They couldn't afford another defeat, it would be a harsh blow to their moral.

Especially since their numbers kept on growing. There seemed to be more and more Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs joining their ranks and even though Longbottom Manor was vast it was clear that if their numbers kept on increasing they would soon need the extra space that Grimmauld Place provided.

They had been in talks for over an hour and a half before the arguing started. Now three hours later, Hermione had lost all interest in what was happening as did most of the people gathered there. In fact the less they got done the better it was for her. She was in no hurry to go back into the fray of things.

It had been a few days since she had fallen asleep in the family room in the company of Fred. She had managed a meagre two hours of sleep before she woke up in a start, assailed by her nightmares. Thankfully Fred had been in the kitchen at the time, snooping around for a midnight snack which was convenient as it avoided her answering any questions he might have had, had he been witness to the scene. She had returned to her room once he had come back with a plate laden with food, giving the excuse of wanting to return to her bed. After that things had returned to a relative sense of normalcy. It was much easier going about your day when you were not trying to avoid someone.

"If Bill so much as touched the wards they would be aware of it and would descend on us like a flock of Cornish pixies. And no amount of covering will help him. Plus we don't want them to know we're coming. We need to have the element of surprise." Remus explained patiently.

"Well, then, why can't we use Snape to get in," Ron continued, his vendetta against his former Professor still ever present.

"If we use Snape, we lose the only link to Voldemort's inner circle we have. He is far too precious to lose," Kingsley answered.

"Nobody is indispensable," Ron countered, leaning against the back of his chair and crossing his arms over his chest, visibly upset that none of his ideas were being taken.

"What about the Floo," Lee asked sitting on the kitchen counter, him and the twins designated spot.

"I highly doubt that they leave that open," Dean chimed in, "it would be far too easy."

"That's the point. It's so simple that they wouldn't even think to close the access," Lee continued.

"Even if that were possible it's still not a viable option," Kingsley answered. "The only room connected to the Floo in Grimmauld Place is the kitchen. Which from what Snape has said is the room where most of the Death Eaters stay. Seeing as you can only travel one at a time the person who would be arriving would be easily overthrown. They'd stand no chance."

Lee slumped against the cabinet behind him in defeat. Around him, everyone sighed in despair, especially the ever growing number of new Order members who weren't used to such drawn out meetings.

"What about zis," said Fleur. She had been going through all the bits of parchment that people had written on during their surveillance of Grimmauld Place, trying to provide some kind of organisation to them. "Zere eez a Death Eater zat leaves the 'ouse on foot every Thursday at 9pm. Can't we use 'im to get into ze 'ouse?" she asked passing the bits of parchment to her husband for him to look at.

"What does he do?" Remus asked as he scanned the parchment over Bill's shoulders.

"It doesn't say," the eldest Weasley boy answered. "Nobody has thought to follow him. But it could definitely be an in for us. We know from Snape that the wards are keyed in to only let people with the Dark Mark through. We can use that to allow us entrance without raising suspicion."

"And what do you expect us to do with him? Cut the arm that carries the Dark Mark off and use it to get in?" Cormac laughed and Hermione felt the urge to jinx him. She wasn't sure who had let him but surely they weren't that desperate to allow him in their ranks.

"Besides the disturbing image that, that brings up. It wouldn't work. The way wards operate is by recognising the magic in the person being allowed in. An amputated arm has no magical signature, therefore, it is useless," Bill explained a distasteful look on his face. "And I think that in future we should limit the goriness to a minimum."

"What about the Imperius?" Michael Corner questioned from the back of the room and Harry winced slightly at his words. He wasn't one to use and even less promote the use of dark magic. Except in dire circumstances and even then he was still quite on the fence about it.

Everyone turned around to look at Michael. It was an odd suggestion and Hermione perked up in her chair, keen to find out what Kingsley and the others would answer. It was common knowledge that the Order were not to use Unforgivables.

"I know it's an… un-unconventional choice," he stammered as the eyes of the whole room were focused on him. "We can't keep skirting around things. While we debate over what is right and what is wrong the other side has no qualms in doing what needs to be done to get what they want. Our inability to toe the line is what has made it so difficult for us to succeed. This is war and we need to start acting like it or we'll end up on the losing side."

Hermione couldn't fault Michael for his way of thinking. It wasn't a particularly nice thought but it made sense and it was highly logical. A true Ravenclaw way of thinking.

"Would zat work?" Fleur questioned, expectantly looking at her husband.

"It could," Bill answered, his eyebrows furrowed as he thought about what that would entail.

"Wards are effectively dismantled during the second it takes for that person to step across the boundary. It leaves little to no room for anyone else to enter at the same time. If we want this to work we will need to have the Death Eater standing precisely on the border of the ward, therefore, enabling the ward to stay down and letting us get through."

"We won't have a lot of time though as the other Death Eaters will realise something is wrong when the wards stay down."

"Will we be able to Apparate once the wards are down?" Kingsley asked, tapping his quill against his sheet of parchment.

"I believe so," Bill answered. "They don't seem to have any other kind of security measure up. Which is surprising seeing as their wards aren't that strong."

"They're overly confident in their success. They don't expect us to attack Grimmauld place so soon after we lost it. They're taunting us by flaunting it in front of us and for others to see," Ron said.

"Well, we'll show them," Seamus shouted from the back, elephant by Ron's words and a few people around the table cheered in agreement.

"Everyone settle down, let's not get carried away," Kingsley's booming voice interrupted, waiting for the room to quieten down before continuing. "As much as I am against the use of Unforgivable curses we don't seem to have a better option and unless anybody has a better idea between now and Thursday I suggest we start planning for this."

All around the room people expressed their excitement at the approaching battle Hermione couldn't help but shudder, they all seemed to have a skewed view of what war really was. They wanted to fight for what they believed in and admirable as that was, she wasn't sure they knew what they'd be losing in the process. The brunette supposed that she probably had a pessimistic view of it all. Her eyes landed on Mrs Weasley who nervously wrung the tea towel she was holding, her eyes darting between all of her children. If there was one person more against the prospect of an imminent battle than Hermione it was her.

"Remus, Bill and myself will deal with the Imperius of the Death Eater," Kingsley continued as Remus scribbled away at what he was saying. "Everyone else will be divided into groups of four or more, dispersed around Grimmauld Place and the surroundings, hidden under Disillusionment or other. You will wait for our signal. Once the signal is sent you will Apparate to the designated spot inside the house. For those of you not familiar with the layout of the house you will have to Side-Along. We still need to..."

Hermione stopped listening after that. There would be plenty more meetings after this one where she could pay attention to. What she needed right now was to deal with the news and start preparing herself for what was to come.

* * *

Hermione was Disillusioned and crouched behind a large bush outside Grimmauld Place with Michael, Anthony and Ginny. It was mid-August and she was dying of heat under the weight of the heavy Shield cloak the twins had provided for everyone.

They had been slaving away making sure that everyone was equipped with a Jinx-Off kit for the day that she had hardly spoken to Fred. It suited her fine, though, he kept sending her worried looks across the kitchen table during Order meetings and she'd rather not discuss their reason. She knew it would only end up irritating her.

The four of them had been waiting for the signal for over an hour and her nerves were getting the better of her. It didn't help that she was in the company of two men she didn't know much about and could barely trust.

Idleness was no good for her, her thoughts kept on wandering to unpleasant places and she had started listing in her mind the various different ingredients to any potion she could think of to distract her mind.

Just then the sound of a door slamming shut woke them up from their reverie and they peered through the foliage to see a Death Eater coming out of number 12, the hood of his cloak pulled low down his head as he made his way down the street and around the corner.

Hermione tensed at the sight. It was time. A handful of minutes later, she watched as the same Death Eater made his way back to the front door of the ancestral home of the House of Black. This time, his demeanour seemed less purposeful and he seemed to hesitate in front of the entrance before standing very still in front of the porch steps, the toes of his boots touching the edge of the first step.

Just then 'C'est la vie' from B*Witched, a Muggle band sounded through the square; it was their signal. A popular song at the moment in the Muggle world it would be fairly normal for it to be heard in the streets by Muggles playing it particularly loudly out of their cars.

Hermione stared dumbfounded ahead of her, her heart hammering in her chest.

Beside her Ginny and the boys had jumped up at the sound of the song, wands at the ready. Without missing a beat. Ginny had grabbed hold of Michael's arm and with a pop had Apparated away, not wasting a single second.

"Hermione, what are you doing," Anthony shouted, bending down and grabbing Hermione by the upper arm, pulling her to her feet. "You need to Apparate us in. Now."

"I-I can't," she stammered, her eyes wide in panic as her eyes darted from Anthony's face to the figure still standing in front of the house.

"What do you mean you can't? Michael and Ginny are alone up there. We were assigned in groups of four to protect each other. What if it the rooms weren't empty like we taught and they landed in the middle of a group of Death Eaters." he said pointing to the house.

The four of them had been assigned the fourth floor of the house, away from the main conflict. It had been a request of Mrs Weasley that her youngest daughter be the furthest away from danger, hoping by the time she made it to the lower floors most of the danger would be out of the way. Hermione had been somewhat relieved when she found out that she had been teamed with Ginny.

"I can't get in without you. You need to Apparate me in," he pleaded and Hermione nodded, wrenching her eyes off the Death Eater, before taking her wand out of her holster and with a shaky hand took hold of Anthony's arm.

They Apparated into Sirius' bedroom, the sounds of battle permeating into the room as loud and clear as if they were in the middle of it. Anthony didn't waste a second, wrenching the door open so quickly it bounced loudly against the wall and ran down the hall towards the battle.

Hermione remained planted in the middle of the room, trying to calm the nervous beating of her heart. She could hear spells being shouted below and she felt nauseated at the thought of going into battle.

Steeling herself she walked out of the room. The whole floor was deserted and she tentatively made her way to the staircase. The noise was getting louder and louder as she approached, which only made the pounding in her heart increase. She made her way slowly down the stairs, peering over the bannister to catch a glimpse of what was happening only to be met with a cloud of dust and debris.

A loud cry tore through the noise and Hermione rushed down the flight of stairs, halting at the third-floor landing where Cho was duelling Marcus Flint. She had a deep gash in her thigh, blood was seeping out of it, turning the blue of her jeans into a dirty brown. One of her hands was holding onto her leg trying to staunch the bleeding as she tried to limp out of the way of Flint's curses.

Hermione raised her trembling wand and aimed a stunning spell at him, hitting him square in the back, sending him toppling forward.

"Thank you," Cho said, relieved at the sight of the Death Eater incapacitated at her feet. "I thought I was done for it."

"You need to get out of here," Hermione told the Ravenclaw as she eyed her wound, feeling light-headed at the sight of all the blood.

"No, I'm fine," Cho answered, waving her concern off. "It's just a scratch."

Hermione's eyebrows rose at the statement. "You're losing a lot of blood," she said indicating the small puddle of blood that had started pooling at her feet. "The wards are down, you should Apparate back to Headquarters."

Just then a loud explosion sounded in the house, startling the both of them, debris flying around them. Hermione looked back towards where the sound had come from, fear gripping at her stomach.

Cho was leaning against the wall when she turned back around, her face had turned an ashen grey colour. "Go!" Hermione shouted. "You can't help us in this state."

Cho pressed her lips together and nodded. Hermione was right she wouldn't be able to do much else in her state. The wound to her thigh was too deep and affected her movements too much. Straightening herself up, she grasped her wand tightly in her hand and Disapparated, leaving Hermione alone once again.

She slumped against the wall that Cho had just vacated in relief, hoping it would keep the slight dizziness she was starting to feel at bay. Taking a few deep breaths to steady herself, she tried to concentrate on her next course of action, but all it does is make the shouting and screaming around her more elephant.

Pushing herself off the wall, she stares at the unconscious body of Marcus, confused as to what she is to do with it when the smell of burning wood permeates through her nose, making it wrinkle. Leaving the body behind she follows the scent down the stairs, stopping halfway through her descent to have another look over the bannister.

A veil of smoke and ash had joined the previous dust and debris, filling the air with a foggy mist, making it hard to breathe. Beyond the smoke, bright amber flames licked the wooden panels of the staircase below while people ran around trying to control the flames.

Her legs felt numb under her and she couldn't bring herself to move. Her ears had started ringing and she felt overwhelmed by fear. So lightheaded was she that she didn't even see Lee Jordan running up the stairs until he had grabbed her by the shoulders, trying to shake her out of her daze.

"You've got to get out of here," he shouted when Hermione kept on staring at him with empty eyes. "It's over. We won. I've got to check that there's nobody left up there. But you go. Granger? Do you understand?"

Hermione nodded dumbly, her thoughts were all jumbled up. He looked at her once more before continuing his way up the stairs. He had a job to do. Shouting an Aguamenti on his way, the large stream of water gushed out of his wand and over the bannister in an attempt to try to help those down below by putting out some of the flames.

The word triggered in Hermione flashes of memory - sudden, violent, blaring.

 _"_ _Smartest girl of her age they said, but you're just another stupid girl," a voice, taut and humming with fury. "You couldn't even escape from here without being caught."_

A memory of pain so sharp, so intense, it took on qualities of sound and taste, the smell of fear, the presence of evil.

 _She was lying on the marble floor of Gringotts bank, a few metres away from the entrance. Steps away from freedom and the ability to Apparate away. Dolohov was standing over her chuckling to himself, his wand pointed at her chest._

 _Her whole body arched off the floor, a scream escaping her lips as he Crucio'd her. She had been hit so many times that even when he was not using the curse on her she could still feel the pain coursing through her body, making her body tense up in pain. She had managed to dislocate her shoulder during one particularly bad Crucio which left her unable to do much because of the pain._

 _"_ _You know," he said, kneeling beside her and brushing away the strands of hair that clung to her forehead. Hermione tried to move away with no success, the ache in her body overpowering even the slightest chance of movement._

 _"_ _A while ago the Dark Lord told us to research Muggles. 'Know thy enemy', he said, 'you can never be too prepared'. He wanted reports on their state of affairs, political climate, weaponry. Menial research tasks which I had no interest in. I was never a diligent student."_

 _"_ _So I decided to use my time in the pursuit of more pleasurable reading. Something that has intrigued me for a number of years. Torture," he hummed excitedly while brushing her hair behind her ears. "But not just any torture. Muggle torture and how they went about it without the use of magic. We all know about the burning at the stakes and flogging that witches had to suffer through but I needed more information. Those couldn't be the only ways, there had to be more that we didn't know about. And that's without considering more recent torture methods. I just really needed to be brought up to speed."_

 _"_ _Let me tell you that what I discovered was a real treasure trove. Muggles might be the inferior race but my aren't they inventive. Sensory deprivation, thumbscrews, physical disfigurement," he whispered almost lovingly, his tongue rolling around the words as if he were whispering sweet nothings into her ear._

 _"_ _I'm not going to lie, it all seemed a little messy. All blood and gore. You can't hold that against them, though, they managed to do quite well without magic."_

 _"_ _All of this research got me thinking. What would I do if I got my hands on you again," he continued, his fingers tracing the delicate curve of her neck. Hermione whimpered next to him, angry tears slipping from the corner of her eyes, too weak to stop him from touching her. "Ever since our encounter at the Ministry, I haven't been able to get you out of my head. Your tenacity was impressive. I wanted to break it. Break you."_

 _Dolohov hovered over her, both of his hand on either side of her head. He was so close she could feel his breath against her cheek and a shudder coursed through her body. "For a while, I toyed with the idea of some kind of physical torture. Thumbscrews hold such a fascination for me. Even a good old beating sounded tempting, even though it would mean getting my hands dirty. But I decided against it. It would be such a shame to ruin these delicate features," he grinned, leant forward and licked her jawline, from chin to ear._

 _Hermione let out a sob, her eyes shut tight as she tried to wrench herself away from him but only managing to move a few centimetres away from him._

 _"_ _So delicate and so appetising," he hummed. "No, no, physical torture won't do. I have something much better planned for you," he continued as he rubbed his nose into her hair, inhaling deeply._

 _Falling back onto his knees, he picked up his wand before standing back up, towering over her, a jubilant look in his eyes._

 _"_ _Aguamenti," he shouted, his wand pointed at her, a maniacal smile on his lips, as a torrent of water hit her face blocking her airways._

 _Hermione held her breath as the water drenched her, too weak to fight against it. She counted 50 seconds, blood pounding in her ears before Dolohov lifted the spell._

 _She spluttered and coughed trying to regain her breath and just as she managed to even it out Dolohov uttered the spell again. And again. And again. Each time the space in between each utterance growing shorter and shorter. Every time she thought she couldn't hold on anymore she found the strength to go on until the lack of oxygen became too much. The darkness enveloping her mind kept on growing and she took an involuntary breath in._

 _If Hermione thought that running out of air was terrible, the sensation of breathing in water was horrendous. She could feel the water in her mouth going down her windpipe, slowly filling her lungs. She had no more fight left in her. Hermione just wanted it to end._

 _Just as suddenly, the spell was lifted and the sudden ability to breathe took her by surprise. Hermione coughed up some of the water from her lungs, a deep, hacking cough that ended up making her vomit. When she's done she just lies on her back, staring at the ceiling, too weak to even wipe away the vomit from her lips._

 _Standing above her, Dolohov was laughing. The sound bounced off the marble walls of the bank, a sound so evil that she knew if she survived she'll be haunted by it. A laugh so despicable it made her want to vomit all over again but all she could manage was to pathetically dry heave, her stomach empty. It only made him laugh harder._

 _He casts the spell again. She can't breathe, she can't breathe…_

She can't breathe.

Hermione's heart was pounding in her chest and her surroundings were blurred, she could barely remember where she was, only laughter echoed in her mind. She was going crazy, she knew she was and the damn laughter was what would send her over the edge.

A hand tentatively touched her upper arm and she flinched away from it, only then realising that she was sprawled on the floor. The air around her was suffocating, making it harder for her to breathe and only made her hyperventilate more.

A shock of red hair caught her attention and she focused on that. A familiar sight. He's standing over her. Ron? No, shorter. Stronger.

She was drenched in sweat and couldn't feel her arms anymore. A face came into focus. Brown eyes. Two ears. Fred.

He said something, she could see his lips moving but she couldn't hear him. There was only laughter and panic and ringing in her ears. He pointed his wand at her. And then, suddenly, nothing, just blissful emptiness.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

 _Unsteady - X Ambassadors (remix by Erich Lee)_

A/N: Last chapter I reached 50 and 60 reviews. Thank you to **mandiecandie** and the **Guest** reviewer respectively. I am blown away by all the reviews and favourites and support. Thank you so much !

* * *

Fred Apparated into the formal dining room of Longbottom Manor, Hermione cradled in his arms. The room had been transformed into a temporary Infirmary in prospect of the battle. Dining chairs had been transfigured into hospital cots and room dividers, giving patients a little privacy in an otherwise spacious room.

A few hours ago, when Fred had walked by on the way to the kitchen, the room had been deserted except for Madame Pomfrey who had been checking on her stock. It had been quiet too, eerily so, it didn't bode well.

Now, however, the room was occupied to bursting capacity with people still continuing to Apparate in, crowding the aisle between the beds and the central walkway. All the beds had been allotted to the critically wounded and everyone else hovered wherever there was free space waiting to be looked at. Instructions and cries of pain were being intermingled, lost in the chaos of the room.

Fred spotted the Matron at the back of the room treating a young boy with a deep gash on his arm, panic evident on both their faces. She was being stretched too thin and had little to no help in treating the continuous flow of wounded that entered.

Fred was jostled out of the way by a girl running to find her friend who had been placed in one of the cots. Tightening his hold on Hermione, he brought her body closer to his chest to stop her from being elbowed by the commotion. His eyes darted around the room trying to find someone that could help him, his heart beating erratically in his chest as he started to realise that he hadn't thought things through and had no idea what to do next.

"Fred?" someone shouted and he turned around to find Fleur making her way to him through the crowd. Her eyes widening at the sight of an unconscious Hermione in his arms.

"What 'appened to 'er?" she said as she reached them, large chunks of hair had come out of the braid she had made and a fine layer of dust and grime had settled on her face, neck and arms. The Frenchwoman delicately ran her hands down the brunette's arms, checking for a pulse.

"I stunned her," Fred answered, his eyebrows furrowed as he observed his sister-in-law's actions.

"You what?" she shouted, her eyes dark as they met his, letting go of Hermione's arm abruptly.

"I didn't know what else to do. I found her curled up on the third-floor stairs of Grimmauld place. She was having some kind of panic attack. She - she couldn't breathe and her whole body was trembling. She looked absolutely terrified as if somebody was about to attack her but nobody was there. I - I tried to talk her down. I reached out to soothe her but it just made it worse. I couldn't get her to stop. I - I didn't know what to do," Fred explained, fear and worry tingeing his voice.

Fleur listened with attention to what he had to say before scanning the room quickly. It was far too busy here and there was little privacy to be had. The last thing they needed was for other people to see Hermione in this state. "Take 'er up to 'er room. I will be zere in a bit. I just need to get some supplies."

Fred nodded, jostling Hermione slightly in his arms, her weight starting to take its toll on him. Noticing his actions, Fleur took her wand out of her holster and cast a feather light charm on the brunette before motioning for him to make his way up.

The redhead mumbled a hurried thank you and strode out of the room and through the crowds of people in the Infirmary. The rest of the Manor was eerily empty and the sound of his boots on the wooden floor echoed along the walls as he made it down the hallway and to the large staircase. He felt a small sense of relief at having Fleur take command of the situation, he was overwhelmed with the situation and way out of his depth.

Fred reached Hermione's room and awkwardly opened the door, entering carefully and making sure he didn't bang her head against the doorway.

In two large steps, he was at her bed, delicately depositing her on it, propping her up lightly on her pillows. He paced down the length of the bed as he waited for Fleur to turn up trying not to pay too much attention to Hermione's face, frozen in terror. He had never seen someone look so terrified before.

Fred felt responsible for what had happened to her. He had known something was wrong with her and despite his better judgement, he had let it go after seeing how much the mere mention of the topic had upset her. If only he had pursued her, pushed for more information, gotten to the bottom of the problem maybe none of this would have happened.

Or better yet, he should have talked to Remus or Kingsley about his concerns. They would have known what to do. They could have stopped her from going into battle, stopped this from happening. He should have done something instead of just ignoring it. He should have known better.

Fleur entered the room in a flurry, stopping Fred short in his thoughts. She was carrying an assortment of vials in her arms which she deposited on the bedside table before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

She locked gazes with Fred and took a deep breath, pushing away the hairs that had escaped her braid out of her face. "Eet would be best if you stood further away," she said pointing to the opposite side of the room. "I do not want to overwhelm 'er."

Fred looked between her and Hermione, worry clouding his face before he made his way towards the appointed corner watching as Fleur sorted through the vials she had brought up. He wanted to say something, do something, anything so as not to feel so utterly useless.

Straightening herself up, Fleur pulled her wand out of her holster and pointed it at Hermione's chest, muttering the counter curse for the Stunning spell, bracing herself for the brunettes' reaction.

Hermione jerked upright, her eyes wide in terror as her memories assaulted her once again. Gasping for breath, her eyes filled with tears as she looked around the room, her mind not processing the change of location.

"'Ermione, look at me," Fleur said softly, moving to be in her field of vision, blocking everything else in her field of vision. "You are safe. You are at Longbottom Manor," she continued making a point of showing her wand to Hermione and laying it next to the brunette, to prove she was unarmed.

"Whatever you are tinking about is not real. It is not ze place zat is bozering you; it is ze thought. You can get through zis, just concentrate on your breathing."

Hermione's eyes darted around the room and Fleur tutted in response, drawing her attention back to her.

"Look at me. Remember what we did ze last time? Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. OK? Watch what I do," she instructed.

"In and out. Zat is it. You are doing so well."

Slowly, Hermione started to calm down. Comforted by Fleur's soothing voice and reassurances, her tears slowly subsided followed by her breathing evening out. Her eyes firmly affixed onto the Frenchwoman's.

Once she had calmed down Fleur helped settle her in the bed, tucking her in and making sure she was comfortable. Fred watched intently as Fleur took care of Hermione. He had been attentive throughout the whole process, making mental notes and storing questions away to ask Fleur about later. He hadn't wanted to distract his sister-in-law from what she was doing and definitely didn't want to scare Hermione into a relapse.

Reaching out towards the bedside table, Fleur grabbed the vials she had lined up, handing them one by one to Hermione who took them without question.

Once the last vial had been taken, Hermione fell unconscious against her pillows and Fleur pulled the blanket over her and tucked her in, making sure she was comfortably settled before grabbing her wand and tip-toeing to Fred.

"How did you do that?" Fred asked as soon as Fleur was close enough, his eyes darting towards the sleeping form on the bed.

"When a person eez 'aving a panic attack you 'ave to make zem feel safe. Something 'as made zem feel threatened so you 'ave to reassure zem, talk to zem in a calming voice. Eet helps to make zem do something repetitive or tiring. 'Ermione responds better to a repetitive task. Her panic attacks are quite bad zat I do not zink she would be able to do a physically tiring task," Fleur explained, her body sagging slightly as the tension she had been carrying started leaving her body.

"This has happened before?" Fred said, his voice raised in surprise.

"Yes. Once, a few days after zey escaped from Gringotts. I went into her room in ze middle of ze night to check on her as she wasn't fully healed yet and found her 'aving a panic attack. I helped her through eet and put her back to sleep."

"Why didn't you tell anyone about it," Fred said in disbelief. If Fleur had mentioned it to them all of this could have been avoided.

"Eet was a one-time occurrence. I just thought eet was due to tiredness and ze fact zat she didn't know where she was and got overwhelmed. After all, ze last thing she must have remembered were ze events at Gringotts."

Fred sighed loudly and rubbed his face. "I knew something was wrong with her. She wasn't acting like her normal self. She was always on edge, the smallest thing would have her jumping out of her skin. I mentioned it to her once and she got very upset. "

"Yes, I noticed zat too. She also doesn't talk to people and seems to avoid, well everyone, but men especially."

"Why didn't you do anything about it? Why didn't you bring it up?" he questioned, his eyebrows furrowed in distaste.

"She didn't want to talk about it," Fleur answered, shrugging her shoulders.

"She-she didn't want to talk about it," Fred cried out, flabbergasted at her statement. "That's a pretty rubbish reason if ever I heard one."

Fleur crossed her arm over her chest, not at all amused by Fred's tone of voice.

"You tried talking to 'er and look how zat turned out," she replied defensively.

They both stared at each other defensively, both of them unwilling to give in. Finally, Fleur sighed loudly, grasping Fred by the top of his arms, her eyes softening as she spoke. "You can't 'elp someone zat doesn't want to be 'elped. No matter how 'ard you try, if zey do no want your 'elp noting you can do will change zat."

Fred hung his head and nodded his head. "But we just can't do nothing," he said sounding defeated. "She's family."

"No. We will keep an eye on 'er, keep 'er safe, offer advice and do everyzing we can to make things easier without pushing 'er until she is ready to talk about it, " she answered turning to look at Hermione who was now sleeping soundly.

"I need to go and get some more potions for when she wakes up. I will also tell ze others about what 'appened. Will you watch 'er while I do zat?"

Fred nodded, he had just been given a lot to think about and the silence and solitude would do him good. Pulling out his wand, he transfigured a sock that was lying on Ginny's side of the room into a chair that he placed beside Hermione's bed.

He watched as Fleur made her way out of the room, picking up the empty vials before heading for the door. Once Fleur was gone he made his way to the chair, sitting on the edge of the seat, his head in his hands, watching the rise and fall of Hermione's chest.

* * *

"What happened?" Harry shouted as he barged into the room a few hours later, Ron following closely behind.

Fred who was slumped against his chair stood up abruptly, his hair in disarray from having run his hands through it so many times. "You're going to wake her up," he whispered pointing at Hermione's sleeping form as Fleur, Remus and Arthur walked in behind them.

Fleur had been in a little earlier to drop the potions she had retrieved from the Infirmary. She had offered to take over from watching Hermione but he had refused. Too many thoughts were still rolling through his head and he knew he would be useless doing anything else but sitting there and going through them.

The Frenchwoman had taken this time to freshen up and she walked into the room in clean clothes and damp hair making the rest of them look like sloppy messes, all of them still dressed in what they had worn to the battle.

"What happened?" Harry reiterated, his voice soft but his words harsh.

He made his way to Hermione's side, opposite Fred, crouching beside her and tenderly brushing his hand through her cropped hair. Ron followed behind him, choosing to remain standing beside Harry, his arms crossed over his chest as his eyed his brother curiously.

"She 'ad a panic attack," Fleur answered from the end of the bed where she, Remus and Arthur were standing.

"How do you know that that is what it is?" Remus asked, he looked exhausted, there was blood and dust matted into his hair and clinging to his robes, making them look older and shaggier than they already were.

"I saw 'Ermione 'ave one before." She paused then, deliberating whether she should be telling them about this. "My seester also used to 'ave zem. Leftovers from ze second task of ze Triwizard Tournament. I recognised eet from zat," she explained.

Fred looked at Fleur curiously, he had wondered how she knew how to deal with a panic attack. It was not something that was common, at least not that he knew of and she had never hinted at it.

"Fred found 'er at Grimmauld Place, on ze third floor. She couldn't breathe and was shaking. So he stunned 'er and brought 'er to Longbottom Manor. I found zem in the Infirmary and told Fred to bring 'er back 'ere and I managed to calm 'er down and give 'er some potions," Fleur explained.

"Why was she alone?" Harry said softly and when nobody answered, he continued louder, unable to control his anger. "Damn it, why was she alone? Who was she supposed to be paired with?"

"Anthony," both Fred and Remus answered, everyone looking at Fred curiously, wondering how he was aware of such information. The red-headed prankster just looked at them and shrugged non committally.

"Why'd you have to stun her?" Ron questioned, ignoring the issue at hand.

"I didn't know what else to do," Fred answered, perplexed by Ron's odd line of questioning.

"Why couldn't you just calm her down?" The younger Weasley brother was obviously on the defensive and took Hermione's well-being at heart.

"It's not that simple," Fred defended, he could sense that his younger brother was angry at him for what happened. It was easier to pick on someone when the real reason eluded you.

"Of course it's that simple. You might have made things worse by stunning her."

Fred threw his arms in the air, his brother was being unreasonable. It was understandable that Ron was worried about Hermione but he wasn't the one to blame for this. He had tried his best to help her in the circumstances.

"You didn't see how bad it was," Fred shouted back, forgetting about his previous warning. "I tried to calm her down but all it did was aggravate her more. She was frantic, absolutely terrified. To be honest I don't even think she registered that I was there, or even where she was for that matter. She seemed to…"

Fred was interrupted by a pained moan coming from Hermione and all eyes focused on her. Harry scooted closer to the bed, one hand taking hold of hers as the other stroke her forehead.

Hermione's eyelids fluttered opened and another pained moaned, this time louder, escaped her lips as she squeezed Harry's hand back.

"Zat ees eet. Everyone out," Fleur said as she made her way around the bed and pushed past Fred. "She needs peace and quiet to recover. Out, out, out," she said motioning for everyone to leave.

"Can I stay," Harry asked, a concerned look on his face, he hadn't moved from his place despite what Fleur had said.

"Yes, OK, you can stay," she agreed. "Pass me ze vials will you."

"I want to stay too," Ron said from the foot of the bed. He had started to leave when he had heard Harry's request.

"No. Only one person at a time for ze moment. 'Ermione needs to rest not have all these men hovering around 'er."

Ron seemed to ponder whether he should listen to her when she crossed her arms across her chest, one eyebrow raised as if daring him to defy her. Ron gulped loudly before shuffling out of the room, Fred following close behind, hiding his smile behind his hand.

* * *

Hermione opened her eyes slowly, trying to wrap her head around what had happened. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room so did her thoughts catch up to her.

She had had a panic attack, a violent, horrifying panic attack that had her paralysed in fear. She remembered being brought back to Longbottom Manor where Fleur had managed to calm her down and give her some potions. She let out a cry of frustration at the realisation that the memories she had tried so hard to suppress for so many weeks had managed to catch up with her.

The fallout would be extreme, Harry and Ron, the Weasleys, even the Order would demand an explanation and the realisation hit her like a tonne of bricks. A ball of dread settled in her stomach at the thought of them knowing about the events that had transpired at Gringotts. They couldn't find out just how powerless she had been. How easily she had been disarmed. How she barely put up a fight. How weak she had been.

All these thoughts were swirling in her head, clouding her mind and making it hard for her to breathe. Hermione attempted to push herself into an upright position only then realising that she had no feeling in her left arm. Panic was rising in her chest and tears sprang to her eyes. She couldn't be having another panic attack. Not again. She fidgeted in bed, trying to escape the suffocating entanglement of her sheets. Tears of frustration ran down her face as she tried to calm herself down.

Startled by the sudden movements, Harry woke up with a bewildered look, his glasses askew on his face trying to figure out what was happening. He had barely left Hermione's side since finding out about her breakdown, only relenting to shower before returning to her side.

He jumped out of his chair as he noticed the look of panic on Hermione's face, tears staining her cheeks.

"Shhh, Hermione, you're alright," he soothed, his fingers caressing her forehead. Hermione was surprised by the touch and tried to move away from it. Harry didn't seem to notice her reaction and continued to appease her until Hermione relaxed a bit finding comfort in the repetitive gesture.

"Are you thirsty?" Harry finally asked when Hermione had somewhat composed herself.

"Yes," she answered, her voice raspy from lack of use, her mouth as dry as one of Hagrid's rock cakes.

Harry reached for the glass of water that had been left on the bedside table for this purpose, bringing it to her lips. Hermione took small, tentative gulps, savouring the feel of it on her parched tongue.

"Better," Harry inquired once Hermione had drained the contents of the glass.

The brunette witch nodded in return, lying back against the headboard as she surveyed the room. It was dark outside and the moonlight filtered through the gaps in the curtains. Hermione wondered how long she had been out. At least a day if it was night once more, maybe more.

She could distinguish two sleeping forms on Ginny's bed. One was definitely the redhead in question and based on the snoring she guessed that the other body was Ron.

"He refused for me to spend the night alone with you and Ginny. Kicked up a right fuss. Said he had already been left out once, he wasn't going to let it happen again. You can imagine it didn't go down too well with Ginny when she found out that he was planning to share her bed too." Harry said an amused grin on his face as he noticed Hermione staring at the two siblings.

Ron, ever the protective brother, knew no boundaries when it came to protecting his sister's innocence. Hermione shook her head slowly, if only he knew.

"Feeling better?" Harry asked as he returned to his chair.

Hermione nodded, trying to appear nonchalant so as not to worry Harry and take the focus off of her. The less he worried about her the less he would try to find out what was wrong. It was all about creating a realistic enough facade to hide behind. In the last 24 hours the facade had crumbled but if she had done it once, she could do it again. This time with a stronger foundation.

"I couldn't feel my arm. It sent me into a bit of a panic. Thought I might have lost it or something," she explained, shaking her head at her own silliness, trying to appear light-hearted. "Turns out you had fallen asleep on it and it had gone numb."

Hermione flexed the fingers on her left arm for emphasis, as the blood slowly made its way back up her arm.

"Do you maybe want to talk about what happened at Grimmauld," Harry asked tentatively, pushing his glasses up his nose.

Hermione sighed and stared down at her lap, her hands interlinked on top of the sheets. "Not right now, I'm still quite tired," she answered.

It wasn't a lie. Her panic attack had drained a lot of her energy and despite the potions she had been given she was still feeling weak. If she was going to have a conversation with Harry she would have to be alert and ready for his questions. Hermione was nothing but prepared in life and that was not about to change.

"Sure, we'll talk in the morning," Harry said, nodding understandingly. "Fleur left some potions on the bedside table if you need any."

Hermione peered at the vials lined up on her bedside table, trying to make out the words that had been scrawled onto them. Taking out his wand from his back pocket, Harry whispered a soft Lumos and the tip of his wand lit up enough to allow Hermione to read the labels.

After a moment of deliberation, she reached out for the Dreamless Sleep potion and uncorked the vial, swallowing the liquid in one large gulp. She didn't want to take the risk of having another nightmare and waking everyone in the room with her screams.

As she settled under her blanket, waiting for the potion to take effect Harry reached out and clasped her hands between his, a look of concern on his face.

"You know you can tell me anything," he said earnestly.

"Yes, I know Harry," she replied, her stomach twisting uncomfortably.

But she didn't because no matter how much she wanted to, he wouldn't be able to understand. He hadn't been there. Didn't know what it felt like, Nobody did.

"Seriously Hermione. Anything at all."

She nodded her head good-naturedly and shut her eyes tightly, putting an end to the conversation and turning her back on him.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 _Beautiful Lies - Birdy_

A/N: Just in time for Christmas. 70 review goes to a lovely **Guest** reviewer. I am so thankful for all of you who comment and favourite this story, it really means the world to me. Happy Holidays ! xx

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Hermione laid perfectly still in bed, her eyes tightly shut while part of her head was burrowed under a pillow as she listened to the sounds around her. From beside her, she could hear the scraping of quill on parchment and the obvious fidgeting of its proprietor.

Hermione had slept undisturbed after her late night conversation with Harry, no dreams, no nightmares, just pure oblivion. She couldn't remember the last time she had got such a good night's rest. Her thoughts felt clearer than they had been in weeks. If she ever had any doubts about the benefits of a good nights sleep it was now well and truly dispelled.

Laying on her side, Hermione tried to come up with a game plan for herself. She needed to figure out what she was going to say to Harry and the others once she was back on her feet. Lying was just not going to cut it anymore, not after what had happened, nor would sticking to her previous story of memory loss. It wouldn't hold up after the events at Grimmauld Place.

The truth wasn't an option either, it was not something she was willing to share with them, not yet. Hermione almost let out a sigh at the realisation that she would have to relent and reveal some of what had happened in the hopes of keeping the more difficult parts of her story a secret for a little while longer.

"I know you're awake, so you can stop pretending," Fred said from beside her, startling her out of her thoughts. "You can't pull one over me. I'm a master pranker after all."

Hermione huffed and pulled the pillow from over her head. "How did you know I wasn't asleep?" she asked, sitting up straight in bed.

Her hand flew to her hair, in an attempt to tame her wild bed hair, before she realised that there was no hair to tame. It had been weeks since Fleur had taken scissors to her hair and still she hadn't come to terms with her new do. She often found herself going to run her hands through her locks before realising they weren't there. A habit she was hoping would die down soon.

"When we sleep our breathing tends to slow down and even out as our body doesn't exert itself enough to need it. Your breathing picked up five minutes ago," he explained. "George and I got out of quite a few Potion lessons by tricking Madame Pomfrey into believing we were still sleeping."

"I'm sure Potions wasn't the only class that trick got you out off," Hermione retorted and Fred smiled at her quip. It had been a long time since he had been reprimanded by Hermione for not paying attention in school. Even though it was a weak tease, it was still something.

"Where are the others?" Hermione asked pushing herself up into a seated position and looking around the room to see if there was anyone else around. Considering that last night her room had been filled with people she was surprised to find nobody else gathered around her bed.

"At the Order meeting," Fred replied, rolling the parchment he had been writing on and shoving it into the pocket of his trousers along with his quill. Hermione heard a distinct crack as the quill went in, a clear sign that the nib had been snapped off and she winced at the thought. Such a waste.

"An Order meeting? What about?"

"How are you feeling?" Fred asked, in an attempt to avoid her question.

"Answer my question, Fred Weasley," she retorted, crossing her arms over her chest. She might have suffered some trauma but she wasn't about to be tricked by a Weasley twin.

Fred sniggered, whatever Fleur had given Hermione had clearly worked, she was in a better mood than he had seen her in the past month. He could almost believe that she was back to her usual self. Almost.

"Just a little something we've been putting off dealing with since the battle. It's been a bit of the mess what with dealing with the injured and making sure Grimmauld Place was secure enough to avoid enticing Death Eaters into taking it back. We didn't want them taking it back so soon after. Otherwise, they might have used the time we took taking care of our wounded to try to take it back. Now, will you answer my question?"

Hermione rolled her eyes, pushing the covers off of herself and swinging her legs over the bed. "I feel fine. Very well rested if you must know."

Taking notice of the outfit Fleur had put her in she shook her head distastefully as she padded across the room towards the commode that stood in the corner. Flinging the double doors open and peering inside, she bit the inside of her cheek as she pondered on what she could wear.

"And what exactly do you think you're doing?" Fred asked, his eyes following her intently, stunned by how very nonchalant she appeared to be.

"Getting ready to go to the meeting," Hermione answered, pulling a pair of jeans and a striped t-shirt out to exchange for Ron's Ireland World Cup t-shirt and an old pair of baggy tracksuit bottoms. No matter how cosy they were it just wasn't suitable for an Order meeting.

"You can't go to the meeting," Fred said jumping out of his chair, his eyes wide in panic.

"And why not?" Hermione continued, making her way to the bathroom and closing the door behind her before Fred could stop her.

The redhead crossed the room in three big strides and started pacing in front of the bathroom door.

He didn't understand what was happening and was confused by her sudden change in behaviour. This calm person did not fit in with the sullen and introverted person he had got to know in the past few weeks. Her behaviour almost reverting to her old self.

Hermione came out of the bathroom looking somewhat revived, with fresh clothes on and a well-rested glow on her face. The almost 48 hours of sleep had managed to return some of her fresh-faced radiance, even going so far as erasing the dark purple bags under her eyes.

"You didn't answer my question, Fred. Why can't I go?" Hermione pressed, dumping her dirty clothes in the basket next to the bathroom door.

There was no way she was going to let any of them treat her any differently after what had happened. Especially not if she wanted to continue with her plan of little white lies.

"Because you still need to rest. Fleur would kill me if she found you out of bed. In fact, forget about Fleur, Harry would flay me alive. He almost cursed Anthony into oblivion when he found out that he had left you alone during the battle."

Hermione spun around on her heels to face him. "What do you mean? What happened? What did Harry do?"

"When Harry found out that you had a panic attack he wanted to know who you were teamed up with. We told him it was Anthony and thought nothing more of it until he attacked him on the second-floor corridor. The poor guy was just on his way to the kitchen, didn't even see it coming. Harry had him disarmed and bound before you could say 'Which witch is which'.

Hermione's eyebrows rose at Fred's little tongue twister this was not the time or the place for it. He always had the knack to say the darnedest things.

"Harry threatened to slice a very specific part of his body off for leaving you alone. Good thing Neville was in the neighbourhood at the time and managed to disarm Harry before he put action to his words."

"And nobody thought to stop him from chasing after Anthony?" Hermione said, hands on her hips.

"It's not like he laid out his plan and asked us for our opinion. He stayed with you for a while to make sure you were doing well and then told us he was going to speak to Remus. That's when it happened. So you see unless we start using Legilimency on everyone we come into contact with there's no way we could have stopped him."

Hermione heaved a great sigh, rubbing her forehead. "Harry is always so rash, he has to get that under control. I feel terrible for Anthony though, he didn't deserve to be caught out like that"

"He didn't deserve to…" Fred stopped mid-sentence absolutely astounded by Hermione's way of thinking. "Hermione, he left you all alone to fend for yourself in the middle of a battle. Even without your panic attack he never should have left you alone, to begin with. Kingsley and Remus specifically pair us up for a reason. One, so we never get too outnumbered. And two, so in case of injury one can Portkey or Apparate the other to safety."

"But I -" Hermione tried to interrupt.

"There are no buts Hermione. Kingsley was furious. The rules are set up for a reason, for our safety and if Anthony can't even abide by them then what's the point. We might as well just go around attacking anything that moves with no regard to who they are and which side they're on."

"And to be honest the little shit got off quite easily with Harry because if it had been me I would have set his clothes on fire."

"Fred Weasley," Hermione cried out, a reproachful look on her face.

"What," he chuckled, his anger starting to fade at the sight of an irate Hermione. "He couldn't even defend himself against a disarming spell. How useful could he possibly be in a war."

The brunette rolled her eyes at him. "Harry attacked out of nowhere, in a safe space, you can't expect him to be at the ready, wand out."

"You're going soft on me Granger. Remember, constant vigilance."

Hermione swallowed slowly, the words branding themselves in her mind. She was getting softer. Which was just a nicer way to say she was weak. Broken. Flawed.

She shook her head, trying to shake away the toxic thoughts. Side-stepping Fred, she scurried back to her bed, picking up her wand from her bedside table and summoning a fresh pair of socks and her shoes, which flew out from under her bed.

Fred watched as Hermione's face changed from calm and collected to concerned and worried in a matter of seconds. The prankster couldn't help but wonder what he had said to make her retreat back into her shell.

"So we've established why I can't go to the meeting but why aren't you there?" she asked, trying to break the silence that had established itself after Fred's comment.

"Well, someone had to watch over you. We didn't know how long you'd be out for or how you'd feel once you woke up."

"And you volunteered out of the goodness of your heart?"

"That and the fact that it meant I could avoid sitting and watching as Kingsley goes through endless stacks of parchment all with the same information repeated over and over again."

Hermione chuckled, the Auror was a talented wizard but he did have the tendency to go overboard with his planning and preparation.

"So, what's the meeting about?" Hermione asked standing up to make her bed.

Fred hesitated for a moment too long before answering Hermione's question making alarm bells go off in her head in warning.

"What is the meeting about," she reiterated before Fred could give her his made up answer, her voice rising in intensity.

"It's for your own good Granger," Fred answered trying hard to contain his concern.

"I think I'll be the judge of what is good for me or not."

"You've just barely recovered from a pretty bad panic attack. You haven't even been checked to make sure all your vitals are clear."

"I said I'm fine Fred," Hermione retorted, raising her voice. "Why does everyone insist on treating me like a child."

This time Fred sighed loudly. He was familiar with this Hermione, quick to anger and in denial. Her stubbornness knew no bounds. The urge to argue with her was strong but after his conversations with Fleur, he knew better than to push her. She didn't respond well to it.

"They're questioning the Death Eater they Imperiused to get into Grimmauld Place. Lupin thought it would be a good idea to keep him close in case he revealed something to the other side. It's not likely but better safe than sorry."

Hermione's mouth opened in shock and she dropped the corner of sheet she had been holding. Her heart started hammering in her chest as the realisation that there was a Death Eater in the house dawned on her.

"They're in Lupin's office as we speak," Fred continued unaware of Hermione's inner panic over the identity of the Death Eater.

Hermione didn't listen to what else Fred had to say before barging out of the room and running down the stairs. She didn't hear Fred shouting for her to stop as she zigzagged between the few people milling around in the corridors, almost pushing Cormac to the floor as she tried to get past him. All she cared about was finding out which Death Eater was being held in the manor.

Lupin's office was located in the remotest part of the house, opposite all the living quarters and away from prying eyes. Though meetings were rarely held in there due to the small size of the room, it was ideal for situations like these where privacy was an important factor.

Away from the bustle of the house and without any windows it provided the perfect location for questioning prisoners. Any small detail that the prisoner could overhear or see could make its way back to Voldemort if the captive managed to escape. It was essential that they see as little as possible of where they were being held and that included the outside world too. The sight of a particular tree or shrub could be treacherous to them if it ever got out.

Hermione burst through the door of Lupin's office panting from the run, her wand by her side. She didn't remember taking it out and even less using it to disarm the wards set on the door but nevertheless she was now standing in the doorway her eyes fixed upon the person sitting regally in the middle of the room.

"How nice of you to join us, Granger," said the haughty voice of Theo Nott as the eyes of the other men in the room snapped up to face her. "I see you lost some of your hair on the way. Can't say I'm sad to see it go, it really was ghastly."

"Shut up," Ron shouted angrily towards him, his chair scraping against the hardwood floor as he jumped out of his seat, aiming a Silencio at him. The spell hit Theo square in the chest which only spurred the Slytherin on further as he leant against the back of his chair smiling tauntingly at him.

It isn't him, she thought as she stared at the young Slytherin, hands bound sitting in front of her, oblivious to the conversation at hand. It isn't him.

When Fred had told her that they had captured a Death Eater she had feared the worst. She had thought it would be him. The brunette had been filled with dread at the thought, the only thing keeping her sane was finding out exactly which Death Eater was imprisoned in their basement.

"I'm sorry I'm late," she muttered, her eyes darting to Kingsley just as Fred ran up behind her, his cheeks red from the effort. The prankster couldn't believe that she had managed to outrun him for the second time.

"That's quite OK Miss Granger," Kingsley answered recuperating from the surprise of seeing the young girl amongst them. "If you and Mr Weasley find yourselves a seat we can commence this interrogation. We've waited long enough as it is."

Hermione and Fred weaved a way in between the chairs crammed into the small room until they found a space in the back next to George. Fred took out his wand and pulled out two old Ton-Tongue Toffee wrappers and transfigured them into chairs.

The number of people present for this meeting had been greatly reduced with only the more important present. The Weasley men, Kingsley, Remus, Harry and Neville all watched her as she took her seat amongst them with a mixture of worry and apprehension.

"Mr Nott, the time allotted for the Veritaserum to take effect has now passed, we will, therefore, proceed with the interrogation," Hermione looked at the young man sitting in front of her, surprised that he had so readily accepted to take Veritaserum.

"Do you know why you're here," Kingsley started forcing Hermione to put an end to her train of thoughts.

Theo opened his mouth to answer, his lips forming words nobody could hear as he was forced to answer because of the potion. The Slytherin watched with amusement as they all started at him in bemusement before realising what had happened.

"Mundungus? George whispered to Fred as he leant slightly towards him to avoid the rest of the group overhearing their conversation but not low enough to keep Hermione out of it.

Fred hummed his approval as he crossed his legs at the ankle, his eyes never leaving Nott's face.

"I wonder what he did this time," George continued while on the other side of the room.

"You two can read lips," Hermione said as the topic of their conversation dawned on her.

"I'm going to ask you again. Do you know why you are here?" Kingsley said, interrupting their conversation though George's wink was answer enough for her.

"As I said before, I'm guessing it's because Mundungus finally did his job and got in contact with you," Theo told them, his voice having been returned to him.

"Would you care to elaborate on that," Kingsley asked as beside him Remus scribbled furiously as he took notes on the conversation at hand. The others looked at each other in disbelief, confused as to what the Slytherin was saying.

"Sure. As you all know I have been meeting with Mundungus every Thursday for the past two and a half months to get him to arrange a meeting with you to discuss my wanting to defect."

"I'm sorry to say that we have not had any dealing with Mundungus for almost a year," Kingsley answered evenly as if the news of a member of Voldemort's circle wanting to defect was a normal occurrence for them.

"What do you mean," Theo said, pushing himself upright in his chair.

"I'm saying we haven't been in contact with Mundungus since last July, the 31st to be precise when he abandoned us in the middle of one of our missions. He never turned up after that and even if he had we have no use for cowardly people in our midst," Kingsley continued.

"Are you telling me I wasted two and a half months deceiving Death Eaters and blocking my mind from the Dark Lord for nothing. I spent all that time protecting that smelling, good for nothing, petty thief from other Death Eaters for nothing. Un-fucking-believable." Theo yelled while Ron snorted at his statement, highly amused by the thought of a Pureblood slumming it in the streets of Knockturn Alley.

"What are your reasons for wanting to defect?" Arthur asked, his gaze softer than the other men in the room. The concerned look that only a father would have.

"Do you think I want to be a part of a megalomaniac's twisted wet dream to rule the world. I'm not putting my life on the line for anyone but myself. The only reason I'm in this situation is because my father couldn't bear Lucius having one-upped him and decided to offer his son up to the cause. And I refuse to be a pawn in my father's attempt at glory."

"So, you wish to join us?" Lupin asked, pausing in his note taking and peering through his sandy hair.

"What I wish is to stay away from it all. I don't want to have anything to do with this. Frankly, if you could arrange to send me to some remote place I'd be most grateful."

"I knew you weren't going to join us. You just wanted an out and knew you'd have a better chance with us rather than going to your Dark Lord. Merlin knows how he deals with defectors. Coward!" Ron spat, his face red with anger.

"I don't want to join you because I have friends on the other side and I'd rather off myself than point a wand at them. It's easy for you to sit there and be all high and mighty with me when all your friends and family are sitting beside you."

"Tell me, Weasley, if our places were swapped would you look Granger in the eyes and utter the words that would kill her? Because that's what you're asking me to do by joining your cause," Theo retorted, his voice low but menacing as he leant over the chair, staring daggers at Ron.

Theo's words hit Hermione straight in the chest and made her squirm uneasily in her chair. It was easy for them to pass judgement on others when there was no choice to make. It was a different situation altogether when any decision you took could have repercussions on your life and the life of those you cared about.

"That's quite enough," Kingsley interrupted, his booming voice filling the room. "I think we've gathered enough information for one day. Mr Nott, I'm sure you can understand that this is a delicate situation and we will need to discuss this further to decide what exactly to do with you. To be completely honest with you I am reluctant to trust what you said even after you taking the Veritaserum potion."

Theo rolled his eyes and fell back against the chair petulantly. He may not have liked the Dark Lord's ideologies but at least he got things done and didn't waste time talking things over with his followers.

"This meeting is dismissed until further notice. Bill, will you please take Mr Nott back to his quarters."

Theo snorted as the rest of the room stood up to leave, all of them transfiguring their chair back to its original state. "You call that dingy part of the cellar my quarters. Do you even know what that word means. Do you have any sense of hospitality?" he questioned.

"We don't want you to get too comfortable here especially as you just said you don't want to stay here," Bill said as he approached the Slytherin before casting an Obscuro and Auditis to blind and impair his hearing.

Hermione watch as the eldest Weasley took hold of Theo's upper arm and leading him out of the room as the rest of them filled out behind him.

"Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred will you please stay behind," Kingsley said, his eyes never leaving the notes Remus had handed him.

"Oh, someone's in trouble," George teased as he skirted around the group on his way out.

Hermione watched with apprehension as George left the room shutting the door behind him with a soft click.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

 _Slip - Elliot Moss_

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews, follows and favourites. It's what keeps me going.

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Hermione sat back down in her chair, nervously fidgeting her legs as the others returned to their seats, various different scenarios swirling in her head. She felt uncomfortable being confined in a room with four other men. It was a silly thought, they weren't strangers, she knew all of them well but she couldn't keep the worry at bay. If anything she might cause them more harm than the other way around.

"I've asked you all to stay behind as I'd like to take this opportunity to discuss the events that took place at Grimmauld Place," Kingsley said in his low baritone, Hermione's heart dropped to her stomach at his words.

Hermione kept her gaze firmly locked on the floor, refusing to make any eye contact in case they might betray something.

"We can't have what happened on that night occur in future battles. There are very few of us and we can't afford to lose anyone because they didn't follow the rules or were unfit for battle," he continued, his tone stern as he put a special emphasis on the last few words.

The room turned silent as Kingsley let the words sink in. Hermione swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, she knew that if she dared to look up Kingsley would be pointedly staring at her.

"Hermione, would you like to enlighten us as to the events that took place at Grimmauld?"

The brunette witch tensed, this was what she had been dreading. She had foolishly thought that the only persons she would have to answer to would be Ron and Harry forgetting that she wasn't running around in the wild with them anymore. They were back with the Order and that came with its set of rules, one of which was reporting to their senior officer.

She knew they meant well, it was procedure after all and they had gone to the trouble of making it as easy as possible with the least amount of people possible. It was nonetheless overwhelming and she felt trapped by the suddenness of it all. She hadn't even had time to prepare.

Hermione might have felt comfortable discussing some aspects of what had happened with Harry and Ron in the privacy and confidentiality of their room, knowing that they would keep what she had told them secret until she was ready. This wasn't how she wanted things to go, she wanted compassion, she wanted understanding not a bunch of people sitting in a circle, taking notes. She felt humiliated, how could she even begin to tell them what had happened if they didn't even realise how it affected her.

"I - um - I - No. I don't want to talk about it," she stammered, trying to keep the quiver from her voice away.

"Oh for Godric's sake," came the irritated voice of Ron from beside her. "This is ridiculous."

"Ron," Harry admonished, his eyes stern as he shook his head for him to stop.

"No, it's been going on long enough and we've been as understanding as possible but this needs to stop now. I don't understand why she can't just tell us. What's the big deal?"

Hermione tried to swallow the lump that had lodged itself in her throat, concentrating on breathing calmly through her nose.

"That's quite enough Mr Weasley,' Kingsley interrupted. "If Miss Granger doesn't wish to speak about it, it is her right. However, Hermione, in light of your unwillingness to share with us the events that took place at Grimmauld Place and those before that I have no other choice but to remove you from active duty."

"What? Why?" she said, her head snapping up to meet his eyes for the first time.

"Until we know what happened to you and how we can go about helping you it is best you stay away from the thick of it."

"That's not necessary, I am quite capable of going into battle. What happened at Grimmauld was just a one-time occurrence. I was tired, nothing else," Hermione said, stammering her way through a plausible excuse while opposite her Fred shook his head silently. It seemed like she was not going to get a break with the Weasley men today.

"Poppy seems to think otherwise, and she's not the only one who is concerned with your recent behaviour. It was agreed that until we know more about your condition or until Poppy believes you are able to go back into battle, that you should stay out of harm's way."

Hermione felt cheated as she scanned the faces of the men surrounding her. They had obviously talked about this previously and had come to decision without even asking for her opinion. It was her life after all. Had she no say in it.

"No, no, you can't just do that," she said fear creeping up on her. She wasn't going to let them push her aside because they thought she was weak. This was exactly what she had tried so hard to avoid. And she wouldn't allow them to keep her away like this.

"I most certainly can Miss Granger. We cannot take the risk of having you collapse in the middle of another battlefield. You are too important to us. Do you know what would have happened to you had a Death Eater found you instead of Fred? A member of the Golden Trio, just lying there, so easily captured. Do you realise in what position you would have put us? Mr Potter and Mr Weasley wouldn't have wasted a second in doing something reckless to save you. No doubt they would have enlisted the whole of the Order to rescue you," Kingsley said, his voice a deep, reproachful tone.

Hermione's eyes automatically swept up to look at Fred, her cheeks turning red at the realisation that he had meant Ron and not his elder brother at the mention of 'Mr Weasley'.

Fred's eyebrow arched in question as he too realised the mistake she had made, his eyes never letting go of her gaze until she could feel her cheeks burning up and she squirmed uncomfortably on her chair, returning her gaze back to Kingsley.

"Our number are already low enough compared to Voldemort's army and I can't be losing people so recklessly. Until further notice, you will be house bound."

"So I'm just supposed to spend my days lounging around while everyone else is outside fighting for a cause that nobody understands better than I do," Hermione said, springing to her feet as anger bubbled inside of her. "You can't just keep me out of things as if I'm some fragile little toy."

Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see the look of confusion and surprise that passed between Harry and Ron. It was one thing for her to shout and get angry with them but it was another for her to explode in front of Kingsley.

"I can and I will," Kingsley said, his voice booming as he slapped the quill and parchments he was holding onto the chair next to him. "Especially if having you on active duty means putting others at risk. I can understand putting one's own life at risk but it's another to involve others in your reckless behaviour. Do you really want someone's death on your conscience?"

Hermione was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling as she processed what had just been said. She felt overwhelmed. A moment ago she had been on the verge of breaking down in tears because of Ron and now she was having a strop for a ridiculous reason. It wasn't like her.

Hermione nodded quietly and sat back down, avoiding making eye contact with anyone. She felt foolish for having gotten so worked up and even worse she had been reprimanded like a child in front of Harry, Ron and Fred.

It was no wonder Kingsley had taken over control of the Order after Dumbledore's death, he was an imposing man with experience on the battlefield as well as dealing with the Dark Arts. He knew how to deal with people and you didn't go up against him unless you were sure you were going to win. Something she obviously hadn't learnt yet.

"There are other things that need to be done that do not involve fighting," he said more calmly. "Poppy needs help in the Infirmary and with the growing number of people joining the Order Remus needs help with setting up rotas, schedules and general organisation of the safe houses."

Hermione tuned out the rest of the conversation, worry clouding her thoughts. She had never experienced so many emotions in such a short span of time and she didn't know what to do with them.

She had always prided herself on being in control. There was no problem she couldn't deal with, with a calm and collected mind. It was how she had learned to cope all those years ago, by compartmentalising her feelings; everything neatly packed up in little drawers in her mind. Now it felt like someone had gone in there and torn everything apart and just left if all in a messy pile in the middle. She didn't know what to do, where all these emotions and feelings went or how to control them. There were just too many things clouding her judgement and she was losing herself to them.

* * *

Hermione rubbed at her temples, looking up from the parchments that were laid out in front of her. She had just spent the better part of the morning going through the room assignments for Grimmauld Place. Bill had finally given them the go ahead to use it as Headquarters, satisfied that all the wards he had put in place would hold, including the Fidelius.

It had been discussed at the last meeting that the Black's ancestral home would be used as their more officious base while they retained Longbottom Manor as a living quarter. Still with a large influx of people joining the Order there just wasn't enough space for everyone. Neither was it safe to have so many people concentrated in one safe house.

She had been given the task to organise the new arrivals in the various spare rooms that were left in both the houses and it was proving harder than she had thought. Everyone had their own thoughts about where they wanted to be and with whom they wanted to room.

"Hermione? Are you ready? The meeting is starting in a few minutes," Remus said from opposite her.

In the last week, she had spent more time locked in Remus's office than anywhere else in the house. They had been sharing his office and the werewolf had been very accommodating considering he had to share his space. The two of them sat on opposite sides of his large desk, in companionable silence.

Remus kept to himself and took Hermione's lack of conversation in his stride. It didn't seem to bother him that the previously talkative young woman had been replaced by a timid young. Hermione was relieved to find out that he had no interest in finding out the reasons behind this sudden change and had yet to question her about her troubles or what had happened at Grimmauld Place. It was a welcome relief compared to the tension that had been hanging between her, Harry and Ron.

After the dreadful ambush of Kingsley meetings, she had let it rest a few days before going back to them hoping that they could fall back on their easy friendship but she found that no matter what she tried it was awkward between them. A heavy silence hung around them, the boy's unanswered questions burning a hole in their relationship. It was like being on the Horcrux hunt all over again except this time they didn't have the necklace to blame.

"I'm ready," Hermione answered putting her quill back in the ink pot and shuffling her bits of parchment into a neat pile.

They both stood up at the same time and righted themselves before stepping out of the room, Hermione waiting patiently by the door as Remus warded the room.

"How's little Teddy doing?" Hermione asked, breaking the silence as they walked through the corridors to the kitchen.

Lupin's face lit up at the mention of his son, a large smile pulling at his face. "He's doing great, he can roll over now," he said proudly. "I walked in on Tonks training him to roll on command. Apparently, I ruined a grand surprise she'd been working on. Something about dogs rolling over and how I'm a type of dog… I'm not quite sure what she was on about, she kept breaking into fits of giggles every time she tried to explain it to me."

Hermione chuckled, she couldn't help but feel reassured knowing that despite the war and all the terrible things that had happened there still was hope for all of them. That you could still find happiness.

"You should come to Andromeda's one of these days to meet Teddy. I know that Tonks would love to have some company," he said with fondness in his voice.

"I'd love to," Hermione answered pushing the door that led to the kitchen open.

The room was already full as they entered and her eyes scanned around, recognising a large number of faces, before finding Harry and Ron sitting slightly to the side of Kingsley, a spare seat between the two of them.

Her eyes continued scanning the room as she made her way towards them until she found Fred standing at the back of the room with his brother. She hadn't seen on spoken to him since the meeting with Kingsley.

With the increase in numbers of recruits him and George had been busy making Jinx-Off kits for everyone. Their turnover was incredible and she doubted they even got a chance to sleep with the number of cloaks and holsters they were producing. Walking past their room was like walking through a busy train station with a constant stream of people loitering about waiting to be seen.

Part of her was relieved. She had spent more time with Fred in the past month than she ever had in the last seven years and she didn't know what to make of it. It was a different side of Fred that she wasn't used to seeing and it irked her slightly. She was too used to his crafty side to fully appreciate this new side of him.

But another, smaller part of her missed his somewhat reassuring presence. He never treated her as if something was wrong.

Hermione weaved her way past various familiar faces, all of them she knew from her time at Hogwarts. A mishmash of older and younger students all crammed into one room. She was still finding it hard to wrap her head around the whole situation. Everything had escalated so quickly from it being just the three of them in the woods to a full blown war with safe houses and battles.

"Welcome to another Order meeting, the last one to be held here at Longbottom Manor. A few notes before we start," Kingsley said, standing up and addressing the crowd. "I have been informed that the wards at Grimmauld Place are set and it is as impregnable as can be. We will be moving our offices back there with a few living quarters thrown in. Therefore the final room assignments will take place during this week. If you haven't spoken to Remus yet about your preferences please make sure you do so by the end of the day."

The room burst into chatter as people tried to decide who they wanted to share a room with for the next few weeks. Hermione sighed, there was no doubt in her mind that by the end of the day she would be redoing her carefully put together list to accommodate for last minute changes.

"Moving on from that, I've recently received some new information concerning Voldemort's ranks," Kingsley continued, raising his voice to cover the noise. "It seems that his number are rapidly increasing."

The room fell silent almost instantaneously, everyone's face had turned solemn at the mention of the name still unaccustomed to hearing it, especially without a group of Snatchers to follow.

"News has spread that the last of the teachers belonging to the light have left Hogwarts and Voldemort is in complete control of the castle. That combined with his control of the Ministry has just settled his progress. A great number of families that attend Durmstrang have joined Voldemort's ranks and that's without counting the Purebloods from Russia who also seem to be flocking to him."

Kingsley pushed his chair back, the legs scraping against the hardwood floor as he started walking around the room, zigzagging between the chairs.

"Our numbers are trivial compared to theirs, especially considering a lot of you are still under age. I know you might see it as ridiculous to keep some of you out of battle when you are willing to fight but I'd like to keep from sending children into battle for as long as I can. As confident as you may be a lot of you are still untrained for battle and it would be even more dangerous to send an untrained wizard out into the thick of it."

"In this regard, I have been in contact with some of my friends and colleagues at Uagadou School of Magic, in western Uganda. They have agreed to meet with me to discuss the possibility of joining our ranks. Voldemort may only be targeting the UK now but it's just a question of time before he sets his sights on controlling the entire magical population. Bill has also been in contact with friends he has in Alexandria and Cairo who are also willing to meet with us. As you can imagine it is a delicate situation and they are slightly hesitant in doing so, which is understandable."

Hermione's eyebrows rose in surprise, she had never heard of Uagadou School of Magic and even less that Kingsley knew people there. No matter how much people said Hogwarts was the best wizarding school they seemed to be a general lack of teaching them about the outside world. In fact, if it hadn't been for the TriWizard Tournament she would still be in the dark about Beauxbatons and Durmstrang and those were just schools in Europe.

"After a lot of discussion we have come to the decision that Harry will be accompanying me on this trip," he said, returning to his seat having complete a full round of the room.

The room went into uproar as everyone tried to express their outrage at such a decision. Harry was an instrumental part of this war and letting him out of the house let alone the country unheard of not to mention dangerous.

Hermione spun in her chair, her mouth slightly agape as she stared at Harry who assiduously avoided her gaze.

Not once had he mentioned that he was planning on leaving the country, leaving her and Ron behind. She knew that they had gotten a bit distant in the last few weeks but this was a big decision and he hadn't even bothered to discuss it with them. She turned around to look at Ron, hoping that he would be equally as stunned as she was only to find him looking sheepish.

Her stomach sank. He knew, he knew about Harry's plan to leave and he hadn't said anything to her about it. Hadn't sought her out to discuss it, worried that Harry was making the wrong decision. They had purposefully left her out of this.

Hermione felt hurt, she had been purposely ignored, swept away in the corner, easily forgotten. Before she would have been the first person they would have gone to for advice, now, she found out about it like everyone else, in a meeting.

"Silence," Kingsley's roared, his wand pointed at his throat to amplify his voice. "This decision has been discussed at lengths with the person concerned and core members of the Order. We have come to the agreement that having Harry with us would ensure us a better success rate."

Hermione had to refrain herself from snorting. Obviously, she wasn't considered important enough to be made privy of such decisions.

"The people I will be meeting will be more willing to listen to my requests if Harry is there than if I went by myself. You can't deny the fact that having the Boy-Who-Lived by your side is helpful when you are trying to convince people to sign up for a war. Plus Harry will be able to tell them first hand what Voldemort is like and should he win, how their lives would be affected."

Hermione couldn't fault their way of thinking. If they had any chances of winning they would need more people to fight by their side. They couldn't rely on a handful of Hogwarts students and some old Aurors to get through it all. And Harry did have a way of convincing people to do things they wouldn't normally do.

"We are planning on leaving in two weeks once we have settled the issue of finding an International Portkey. It's a bit more difficult now that the Ministry is overrun by Death Eaters. Worst case scenario we'll have to fly there but we're hoping not to get to that," Kingsley continued as around him people starting getting fidgety, sensing that the meeting was coming to an end.

"During my absence, Remus will be taking over the running of things. I expect you all to treat him with the same respect you would me," Kingsley continued, placing the palms of his hands down onto the table, a no-nonsense look on his face. When nobody answered him he closed his eyes before sitting back down.

"Very well, meeting dismissed you may return to your occupations," he finished, turning around to talk to Bill.

Hermione didn't waste a second before she stood up, making her way to the exit. She could hear Harry calling out her name as she pushed her way through the crowd but she didn't even glance in his direction. If he thought he could get away with keeping things from her he was sorely mistaken. It would take more than a simple explanation and an apology to make up for this.

* * *

Hermione was getting ready for the night. She had just gotten out of the shower and was busy folding her clothes when a knock on the door interrupted her.

"Enter," she said as she levitated her pile of clothes into the open closet.

The door creaked open and Harry peered around it. "Ginny here?" he asked.

"No, she's gone to see Luna," Hermione answered tersely, she had hoped to have an early night, tired from having to deal with everyone's last minute changes to their room placements. As she had expected, her previously well put together chart had to be thrown out and she had had to start from the top.

"Can we talk?" Harry said, still anxiously standing by the threshold.

"Sure," Hermione said, closing the doors of her cupboard before walking to her bed and sitting cross-legged in the middle of it.

Harry looked back into the corridor before entering the room and making his way to her bed. Behind him, Ron's head appeared through the space Harry had just vacated, an uncomfortable look on his face. Hermione had to stop herself from sighing in irritation. She didn't think she had the energy or the desire to talk to the both of them. She could wave goodbye to her early night.

"We were hoping to talk to you about this whole travel thing," Harry said making himself comfortable opposite Hermione. Turning to look at Ron who had remained half hidden behind the door, jerking his head for him to come forward.

Ron shuffled forward, his hands deep in his pockets as he made his way towards the bed, choosing to sit at the very edge of her bed, half of his body hovering over air.

The two of them shared a look before Harry cleared his throat, turning to face her. "We're sorry we didn't tell you about all of this sooner. About the plans of going to Uagadou. It's just with everything that's been going on with you, we didn't want to add to it."

"How long have you been keeping this from me?" she asked, her eyes focused on him.

"We started talking about it a week or two after we got to Shell Cottage," he answered, unable to hold her gaze. He knew that what he had done though not bad was not right either.

Hermione's eyes opened wide and her mouth fell open in shock. They'd been keeping this from her for over two months. She had naively thought it had been a matter of days, maybe a week or two at the most not months. Betrayal stung her to her very core and she gasped at the tightening of her heart.

"Two months Harry. I could have understood if it was a matter of days but this. Two months."

"You have to understand," Harry said, reaching for her hand, "we were really worried about you. You were so badly injured, so broken, we were so worried that you wouldn't make it. And when you started to get better we just didn't want to overwhelm you and risk you relapsing. At the time it was just a mere idea that Kingsley casually mentioned during one of the meetings. It wasn't anything definite."

"What about after, when it wasn't just a thought but something more definite," Hermione said, her voice rising as she pulled her hand away from his. This wasn't something a bit of comforting could fix. "When I recovered, when we moved here. I was fully healed then, there was no reason to keep it from me."

Harry sighed, glancing at Ron hoping he would pitch in but he stayed still, his eyes averted and his cheeks red. At least he had the decency to look embarrassed.

"We were just trying to protect you," Harry said lamely as if that was a good enough reason.

"What about the Horcruxes? Or have you forgotten about those? You can't defeat Voldemort without having destroyed all of them and recruiting more people isn't going to help you," Hermione said.

"We explained everything to Kingsley. After what happened at Gringotts we felt like we couldn't keep it from them anymore, we were in over our heads. Trying to find all of them by ourselves was suicide," Harry explained, his eyes tracing the pattern of the bedspread. "It's clear that Voldemort knows what we're after now and he'll be watching the other Horcruxes like a vulture. Kingsley suggested we lay low on the hunt for a while, lull Voldemort into a sense of security maybe even distract him with other troubles before going back on the hunt. Plus he pointed out that it would be better if we did some research before and get a better idea of where the other Horcruxes are instead of going in blind."

"You told Kingsley about the Horcruxes?" Hermione screeched making the two of them wince. "What about all those stories you told us about Dumbledore entrusting this task to you and only you. You said you were the only one who was able to do this."

"Things change Hermione. We can't do this together anymore. We need help," he explained quietly, his voice remained calm despite Hermione's shrieks.

"I can't believe you kept all of this from me. Not only the fact that you're going on a mission on a different continent but that you told Kingsley and the Order about the Horcruxes. We don't have secrets. Friends don't keep secrets from each other," she said, her voice shaking with emotion.

"You're one to talk," Ron snorted and Hermione's head snapped up to look at him. "You've been keeping secrets from us too or have you forgotten."

"That's not fair," she answered, angry tears pooling at her lids and threatening to spill over. "That's, that's personal. It's not something that concerns you. Travelling to a different country to recruit wizards and not mentioning it is something that concerns us, that concerns me."

"That's bullshit Hermione and you know it. Your wellbeing concerns us. You going around pretend everything's ok and recklessly putting your life in danger concerns us. You dying concerns us," Ron said, his surly behaviour quickly replaced by anger.

"If you'd just tell us what's wrong then maybe we would be able to help," he continued, a slight plea in his voice.

"I told you I don't want to talk about it, it's nothing I can't deal with so just let it go," Hermione said.

"You are the most infuriating person I have ever met," he said throwing his arms in the air, "And completely delusional too if you think you're fine. You might not think it but you've been acting like a damn crazy people since Shell Cottage."

"Ron !" Harry shouted, his voice menacing, a frown appearing on his forehead.

"You can't go around telling us we're being bad friends when you're doing the exact same thing," Ron said after a moment of silence, anger still very present in his voice.

Hermione felt her throat constrict at this words. She knew Ron could be insensitive at times but sometimes she wondered if he realised just how hurtful his words could be.

"I think you should leave," she croaked, standing up from the bed and tugging at her sheets. "It's been a long day and I just want to go to bed," she said, Ron's words echoing in her mind, bringing up a fresh wave of hurt every time.

The last thing she wanted was to give him the satisfaction of thinking he had won, that he had managed to hit a nerve, to hurt her. She didn't know how much more of it she could take.

"Hermione," Harry whined, unwilling to end things in such a way. The witch shook her head sadly, scared to talk in case the emotion in it would betray her. Harry rubbed at the bridge of his nose and reluctantly stood up, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "We'll talk tomorrow," he said as he made his way out of the room.

Ron followed closely behind him, striding out without looking back, his steps echoing down the corridor before he slammed the door to his bedroom shut making Hermione wince.

The witch breathed a sigh of relief at finding herself alone once again. She didn't understand when things had gotten so complicated, it seemed that no matter what she did, no matter how much the three of them talked their wires always managed to get crossed. Someone invariably said something that the other would take badly.

Snuggling under her blankets, Hermione stared at the vial of Dreamless Sleep Potion that Fleur had left for her on her bedside table. Madame Pomfrey had stopped given them to her three days after she had woken up, deeming her well enough. Somehow the French woman managed to smuggle her a vial every night. Hermione never asked any questions and swallowed the contents like clockwork every night. It had been over a week now and though she had been sleeping better than she ever had she knew better than to continue with the potion.

Throwing one last look at the vial on the table, she grabbed her wand beside it and whispered a spell to turn the lights off. Shoving her wand under her pillow, the witch turned around and away from the vials. One night without the potion wouldn't hurt.

* * *

"Stupid Mudblood, you think you're better than us," Dolohov said, his eyes shining, revelling in the situation. "But look at you. Weak. Pathetic. Useless," he continued, kicking at her leg.

Hermione didn't even respond, all she could think about was pain, it radiated through her entire body, making her muscle spasm uncontrollably. It took all of her energy just to remember how to breathe, to fill her lungs with air before Dolohov's next attacked. Tears ran down the side of her face and joined the rest of the water that had pooled around her. She forced herself to open her eyes despite the stabbing pain she felt in them. He stood above her, a twisted smile on his face and his wand pointed at her, the Crucio at the tip of his tongue.

Hermione woke up, clutching at her sheets in horror as a cry of despair escaped her lips. She felt a presence next to her and she shuffled away from it, her cry getting louder and more strident, unaware of where she was and what was happening. All she knew was terror.


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

 _Aloha by Møme, Merryn Jean_

A/N: Primrue made a wonderful cover image of this story over on Tumblr (and if you haven't seen it you really should have a look, it's amazing!) so I have temporarily come back from hiatus to post this in thanks and celebration. Also to say to those who didn't know, that I am on a little hiatus and will be back soon and posting regularly. Thank you for all your reviews, follows, favourites, I am humbled by them. Enjoy !

* * *

The door to the room swung open and Harry stood in the doorway bleary-eyed, his glasses askew on his face. The light from the hallway casting a soft glow on the surroundings.

"What is going on?" he asked, rushing to Hermione's bedside, his bare feet slapping against the hardwood floor.

"I don't know," Ginny answered from beside the screaming witch, a worried look on her face. "She was tossing and turning in bed, mumbling stuff under her breath. I got up to check on her and before I could get any closer she woke up and started screaming."

Harry knelt beside the bed, Hermione's screams having receded into soft whimpering at the sound of the familiar voices and the last lingering images of her nightmare faded away.

Harry gently took hold of her hands in his. "Hermione? What's going on? Is everything ok?"

The witch bristled at his touch but he kept his hold on her. Her hand trembled in his and Harry pulled himself up to sit on the edge of her bed.

"Go get Fleur," he said looking over his shoulder towards Ginny. The only other person beside Madame Pomfrey who seemed to have an understanding of what was happening to Hermione.

Hermione's head snapped up, her eyes still wide with fear as she faced Harry. "No! No! I'm fine," she said, swallowing the lump in her throat as her eyes darted around the room once more, to make sure that she wasn't in fact still dreaming. "It was just a nightmare."

Harry and Ginny shared a look, the redhead had folded her arms across her chest and shrugged her shoulders. They were way out of their depth and had no idea what to do. Common sense told them that nobody woke up from a nightmare screaming like that if there wasn't something deeply wrong. Everything seemed to be a contradiction with Hermione, her words never matched her behaviour and you didn't know what to believe anymore.

"It's fine, I'm fine," Hermione repeated more to herself than for either of them. "I was so tired earlier that I forgot to take my potion," she explained stretching to grab the vial on her nightstand, careful not to brush against Harry.

"I thought Madame Pomfrey had cleared you of all potions. She said you were back to normal," Harry said trying to peer through the dim light at what was written on the label.

"She - I - it's just some dreamless sleep potion nothing serious," Hermione stammered realising her mistake and tightening her grip on the vial.

The nurse had indeed cleared her of all potions a few days after her recovery yet every night she found a vial of Dreamless sleep potion on her nightstand. She never questioned it. In fact, she was quite grateful to have it, knowing that without it, she wouldn't be able to sleep through the night. The risk of addiction was the last thing on her mind as long as it meant she could have a nightmare free night.

"Dreamless? Haven't you been on that for a while? Why do you need it?" Harry asked, his eyebrows scrunched together in one straight line of concern and confusion.

Hermione was flailing. In her attempt to pass her issues as a moment of forgetfulness, she had instead managed to make the situation worse for herself. It seemed that no matter how hard she tried she always managed to say the wrong thing and aggravate the situation.

"Po-, um, Madame Pomfrey just wanted to make sure I continued to have a good nights sleep so as to be fully rested."

Hermione kept her gaze locked onto Harry's, there was no going back now. She was too invested in her lie.

"You've been on that stuff for a while now Hermione. And that's without counting the month you were at Shell Cottage and took it almost every night," Harry said and she shrugged in answer, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible.

Harry's face took a sombre turn and Hermione tried to swallow the lump in her throat, holding onto the vial of potion so tightly her knuckles turned white. It was never a good thing when Harry went quiet. He was more of an impulsive character and when he took the time to think things through it was never good.

"Well if that's the case," he said standing up from her bed, "we better go back to bed. Hermione don't forget to take your potion this time."

Ginny shook her head ever so slightly at him, her brows knit in concern, obviously displeased with how Harry was dealing with the situation.

Hermione stared at him in surprise and had to refrain herself from audibly sighing in relief. She uncorked the vial and swallowed the contents in one gulp.

Harry brushed past Ginny, his face tense as he strode past her and back out. Hermione watched him go with a look of surprise on her face. His sudden departure felt ominous and though a part of her felt relieved that he had dropped the subject she dreaded to find out why he hadn't tried harder to get to the bottom of the situation.

"You go back to sleep," Ginny said softly, pulling the sheets up while Hermione settled herself back under them, keeping an eye out towards the corridor.

Once Hermione was properly tucked in, Ginny grabbed her dressing gown from the end of her bed and with a huffing a flip of her hair stalked off after Harry, sitting the door behind her, leaving Hermione in the dark once more. Alone with her thoughts and the viciousness of the shadows.

The next evening when Hermione went to bed there was no potion waiting for her on her bedside table. Instead, in its place was a small slip of parchment with one word, written in elegant, cursive script: Pardon.

She didn't need any further explanation as she slowly put the pieces together of what had happened after Harry had left last night.

He had probably gone to see Kingsley to ask him why she was still getting Dreamless Sleep potion. Together they had gone to ask Madam Pomfrey about it and when the nurse had told them that she wasn't giving Hermione the potion they had gone to the only other person who was allowed into the makeshift infirmary; Fleur.

Hermione knew, without a shadow of a doubt that there would be no more Dreamless Sleep potion delivered to her, Harry had made sure of that.

She couldn't fault him. He thought he was doing what was best for her. She sighed and flopped down onto her bed. Taking her wand out of her pocket, she twirled it between her fingers wondering if she would be able to cast a silencing charm on Ginny's bed.

* * *

Hermione could hear the last few stragglers rushing down the corridor to get the Floo to Grimmauld Place for the meeting. Since this morning the whole house had been buzzing with excitement. For many, it would be the first time they would be stepping into the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black; a cause of much excitement.

Hermione stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, the dark blue bags under her eyes had returned.

Night after night, the nightmares came. Dolohov standing above her with his crazed, staring eyes. Sometimes he reached for her, caressing the contours of her face. Other times he would point his wand at her and she would wake, choking on her terror and stare at the darkness until dawn.

Casting a glamour to hide the ravages of her sleepless nights, she stared at her changed appearance, inspecting herself one last time to make sure she hadn't missed anything. Putting her wand back in her pocket she quickly ran her fingers through her hair to put a semblance of order in them and then put her wand back in her pocket. There was only so much procrastinating she could do.

* * *

Hermione Floo'd into Grimmauld Place, green flames still swirling around her as she stepped out of the fireplace. She took a few tentative steps forward, recognising almost immediately the small tea room on the ground floor. The room was void of any occupants and as silent as a tomb, making her feel uneasy.

The witch hurried out of the room and into the hall. Everything looked the same as she remembered, you wouldn't be able to tell that just a few weeks ago the place had almost been burned to the ground.

As she approached the entrance hall a memory flashed before her eyes. Explosions. Smoke. The smell of burning wood mixed in with that of burnt hair. So much magical residue in the air it left it crackling with intensity. Hermione shivered at the thought, her eyes darting to the staircase that stood just a few feet away from her.

 _Stupid girl. Aguamenti. Crucio_

The words echoed relentlessly in her head. Her body shivered once again, more violently this time as a strangled cry escaped her lips. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the staircase as the memories of that night played out in her head. Less violent but nevertheless still hauntingly real.

She was heavily panting, her hands trembling beside her when a heavy body colliding into her from behind, jerking her out of her thoughts and back to her present surroundings. The memory was pushed aside as large hands wrapped around her arms to steady her and keep her from falling over.

"Hermione?" Fred said as he gathered his senses. "What are you doing standing in the middle of the corridor? Aren't you supposed to be at the meeting?"

"Why aren't you at the meeting?" Hermione retorted defensively, shrugging Fred's hold off of her and stepping away from him, putting a bit of distance between them.

"I got carried away working on something new and lost track of time, which is why I was running in the hallway," he explained, his eyes travelling down her frame, taking in her trembling hands and laboured breathing.

Fred could see from her demeanour that she was uncomfortable being here and was struggling to remain calm. It was a wonder she had even made it so far into the house without breaking down after what had happened the last time she was here. He watched her as her eyes darted anxiously back and forth towards the staircase as if expecting someone to appear on them.

"Hermione?" he called out to her again, when he realised she hadn't been listening to what he was saying.

"Sorry," Hermione whispered, shaking her head to rid herself of her thoughts. "I got sidetracked on my way to the meeting. It looks different," she said by way of explanation, smoothing her clothes with hands still a little shaky.

Fred's eyebrows rose in surprise as he looked around the hallway; everything was exactly the same as before. Considering that the ground floor had been where the fire had started and most of the damage had been done, it was a surprise how accurately Bill and the others had managed to recreate the place.

It was a testament to Hermione's stubbornness that she would rather tell a bad lie than the truth.

"Cmon, let's get you to that meeting," Fred said, ushering Hermione away from the staircase and towards the kitchen, making sure to keep a little distance between them.

As Fred swung the door open, his eyes scanned the room and noticed that they were the last to arrive; it seemed to be becoming a habit for them. The chairs were all set up in concentric circles around Kingsley, Lupin and Theo. The latter tied and Silenced to his chair if the eye roll and grunt were any indications.

Hermione stayed close to Fred as he made his way to the seat George had saved for him, not noticing that Harry had saved her a seat or that there wasn't a place for her beside Fred.

Hermione turned a shade of bright red when she got close enough to realise her mistake. She stood rooted to the spot, her eyes darting around as she looked for a way out of the situation, getting more and more flustered as the seconds ticked away.

"Sit down," Fred instructed as he skirted around the chair.

"Where are you going?" she whispered as she lowered herself onto the chair, following him with her eyes.

With a jerk of his head, Fred indicated the kitchen counter behind her, hoping onto it with practised eased which earned him a look of disapproval from his mother and Kingsley though he didn't seem to notice.

"Now that everyone is here," Kingsley commenced, standing up to better address the room. "I would like to discuss the situation regarding Mr Nott before the rest of the rest of the Order joins us."

Kingsley took out his wand from his holster and aimed it at Theo, removing the Silencing charm that he had placed on him. The Slytherin sighed in relief and slumped down in is chair, relieved to find out that he did have somewhat of a say in the decision that was being made.

"Mr Nott, further to our last conversation and taking your request into consideration we would like to discuss sending you back to-"

"Fuck no !" Theo interrupted, sitting back up straight, his eyes dark with fury.

"Let me finish Mr Nott," Kingsley said in what everyone knew was his no-nonsense voice.

"We would like to send you back not to fight or to retrieve anything or even to spy, as helpful as that may be, but to find others like you who are less… willing to join Voldemort's rank. I am sure that there are some who are not suited to Voldemort's more peculiar ways and if given the possibility would gladly abandon his cause."

In a flash, Theo's face changed from that of cocky defiance to silent complaisance. Hermione noticed how his eyes widened ever so slightly at the mention of helping others escape. Stoicism might be one of the main qualities of Slytherins but it wasn't one Theo had managed to grasp.

"What's in it for you? How does this help you?" he asked dubiously.

"It doesn't really," Kingsley replied. "It's a fewer people to fight against but I doubt there'll be enough to really make a difference. What it will do however is save a few people from a life they didn't want."

"You Gryffindor and your bleeding hearts," Theo sighed dramatically. "Even if I wanted to help, you can't expect me to just walk back in and be welcomed back with a hug and a pat on the back by the Dark Lord. I don't know how long I've been gone but I doubt he'd be very trusting of my return. He's paranoid enough to kill me on the spot."

There was a moment of silence as Kingsley carefully weighed his next words. They would be taking a big risk; revealing an important pawn in their game. It was a risk he was willing to take, the Auror was a firm believer that if you wanted to gain someone's trust you have to give it too. It had to work both ways. Not a lot of people seemed to comprehend that.

"We have a spy in your ranks. He has been feeding Voldemort with information on your capture and torture. So that if you happen to escape he would be more... amenable to you."

"You have a spy!" Theo said, inching to the edge of his seat, his eyes wide. "Who is it?"

Kingsley exchanged a look with Remus as the rest of the room held their breath. This was information that few knew and sharing it was taking a huge leap of faith.

"It's me," Snape said evenly as he stepped out of the shadows in his signature black clothes, looking as menacing as ever.

Hermione startled at his sudden appearance and she turned in her chair to look at Fred, sending a questioning look towards him. The redhead shrugged his shoulders and shook his head to indicate that he hadn't known the Potions professor had been standing there.

It made her uneasy knowing that someone had so easily managed to go unnoticed by not only her but so many others. It brought her little comfort knowing that Kingsley, Remus and Bill seemed to have been aware of him when she hadn't. They wouldn't always be there and it wouldn't always be a friendly face coming out of the shadows.

"Fuck me! Snape?" Theo shouted, his eyes bulging out as he attempted to stand up with little success having been magically stuck to it. The back legs of the chair hovering slightly off the ground before returning to solid ground.

Theo's thoughts jumped from one memory to the next trying to put together all the times he had seen Snape with the Dark Lord and amongst the other Death Eaters. They had always seemed to be some kind of animosity between them. He had put it down to the fact that Voldemort seemed to prefer him to some of the others.

"He uses Legilimens on you every time," he said as if saying it out loud would explain how Snape had managed to go unnoticed.

"There are ways, Mister Nott, to protect oneself against the Dark Lord. He is not all powerful," Snape answered in his low, rumbly voice.

Theo had retreated into himself as he tried to process all the information. He hadn't expected any of this, he hadn't expected to find others like him on this side, especially not a Death Eater from the first generation, their loyalty to their master was unequivocal.

"Severus reported to Voldemort about your capture on the night of the Battle at Grimmauld Place. This part we know is not a lie. He has since then been feeding Voldemort stories of your imprisonment and - torture at our hands," Kingsley started to explain as Theo seemed to be too deep in his thoughts to ask any questions.

"We'd have to consider all these things if you agree to be sent back and Severus would have to have to alter some of your memories as you wouldn't be able to keep them away from Voldemort if he used his Legilimency skills on you. But as I said this is all subject to your agreement and we'd have to discuss it further. As always the choice is yours. If you do not wish to go back, know that we will not take it take it against you. We promised you to keep you safe and we have every intention of keeping our promise and if you don not agree to our suggestion we will send you to a safe house to spend the rest of the war in."

Theo looked back towards Snape as if hoping his old head of house would be able to give him an answer or at the least to guide him in some way. Had he not been in a similar position once?

When Snape made no sign that he was going to help him Theo heaved a heavy sigh and held his head in his hands. "I'll have to think about it."

"Very well, you have two days," Kingsley said pausing for a second before continuing. "Once the meeting is over I'd advise you to find Remus who will be able to tell you which room you have been assigned for the duration of your stay. I see no reason to keep you imprisoned in the basement."

Without any sign from the others, Bill stood up from his chair and removed the sticking spell from Theo's chair, motioning for him to follow him out of the room. It was one thing to be allowed to live amongst them, but it was a whole other thing to sit in on their meeting and be made aware of all their plans. Some things had to be earned.

Theo inclined his head in thanks towards Kingsley as he stood up before making his way out, Snape following not far behind.

Hermione watched him go, head held him, eyes staring straight ahead, ever the picture of a proud Slytherin even as amongst them the rest of the group were busy discussing the choice he would have to make.

Hermione on the other hand already knew the answer he would be giving Kingsley. She had seen it in his eyes the moment Kingsley had mentioned returning to get others like him, who were adverse to Voldemort's ways. It was the same look she had whenever anyone mentioned Harry or Ron. The same look she had when anyone she cared about was in trouble. The look that said she would do anything to help them.

One thing was for sure, for all Theo's flaws, cowardliness was not one of them.


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

 _Depth Over Distance by Ben Howard_

A/N: Big shoutout to my girl Primrue for being the 100th reviewer to this story. Also thank you all for your patience. Onwards !

* * *

Hermione had sought out refuge in Grimmauld's large library, ensconced in a large armchair, towers of books about the history of Uagadou encircling her. Remus had asked her to research their particular customs in the hopes that she might find something to help Harry and the others during their visit there. She was surprised by the number of books she had found on the subject, she couldn't imagine anyone in the Black family to be interested in the topic.

Ordinarily, Hermione would have loved to be given such a task, but spending time in the library no longer brought her joy. She had always counted on the almost reverential silence of the place and the knowledge hidden between the pages of a book to bring her comfort and solace, to distract her from all the problems surrounding her and most importantly to make sense of it all. This was no longer the case. Nothing, not even the most complex book could distract her from the swirling mess inside her head.

Hermione stared blankly at the page in front of her. She had read it through three times already, yet she wouldn't have been able to tell anyone what it was about. She sighed loudly, pinching the bridge of her nose in exasperation, her eyes trailing back to the top of the page. It frightened her to think that reading no longer brought her joy and instead filled her with dread, like a chore she was being forced to do.

The door of the library creaked open and Hermione kept her head down, trying to sink deeper into the large armchair she was sitting in, in the hopes of not being discovered.

"Mione?" Ron half whispered in that way that was so particular to him and which always managed to infuriate her.

She held her breath as the floorboards creaked under his weight as he made his way into the room.

"There you are," he said as he inched around the armchair she was sitting in. Hermione had to stop herself from sighing out in irritation. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

Hermione highly doubted he had been looking everywhere for her, she doubted he had even been looking for her for more than ten minutes. After all, he had the attention span of a flobberworm.

Her spitefulness caught her off guard and her eyes opened wide as the words came to her mind. She had noticed of late how irritable she was. The slightest word or movement would be enough to send her into overdrive, and she often found herself snapping at people for no apparent reason. Feelings of anger and resentment were constantly floating to the top like excess fat in a stew.

Today was not one of those days. Today had been a particularly trying day, and she had had to deal with more than one inane request from fellow schoolmates and even the solace of books hadn't managed to soothe her. It had done quite the opposite, it had made her irate.

"What do you want?" Hermione asked, closing the book on her lap with a snap and balancing it on the armrest.

Ron sighed and sat down on the coffee table in front of her, awkwardly rubbing his neck.

"I'm going with Harry to Uagadou," he said as he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs.

She stared at him, her eyes blinking slowly as she slowly processed the words. As the seconds ticked away panic slowly started to rise in her chest, contracting her lungs until her chest was so tight she couldn't breathe. Her lungs felt like sandpaper gritting painfully against her ribcage.

"Harry needs someone with him. He can't go there alone," Ron continued, shrugging his shoulders, his eyes tightly fixed on the floor.

The realisation that they were both going, leaving her alone to fend for herself was too difficult to comprehend, too absurd. They'd always done everything together.

"I wanted you to come too. I asked Kingsley, but they didn't think it would be a good idea. Not after…" Ron didn't finish his sentence, instead, he let the words hang ominously in the air as if saying it would somehow jinx it.

"I can't believe you're leaving me too," Hermione said, a harsh edge in her voice. "We were supposed to do this together."

"Things have changed Hermione. This war is bigger than we expected and we can't keep running around the woods hoping for the best."

"I know that," Hermione snapped. "I'm angry that you didn't think it was necessary to include me in the conversation. The two of you have been avoiding me for weeks. Days go by without you even saying a word to me."

"That's not fair," Ron said. "We've been trying, but you keep pushing us away and there's only so much we can do."

"I haven't been pushing you away," Hermione said rolling her eyes at him.

"But you have Hermione, you have. After what happened at Gringotts, Harry and I would come and talk to you about what had happened and you'd just shut us out."

"Did you ever think that maybe I didn't want to talk about it," she interrupted, her heart beating faster at the mention of Gringotts.

"As a matter of fact we did," Ron answered, his tone of voice only grating on Hermione's nerves further. "We stopped mentioning Gringotts to you, instead we would talk about Quidditch, mum being overly dramatic, the goblin wars. But nothing seemed to interest you. You just refused to talk to anyone."

Hermione felt a twinge of remorse at Ron's words. She hadn't realised just how much she had been pushing Harry and Ron away. She had been so preoccupied with trying to ignore her problems that she hadn't realised she had also been pushing her friends away.

"That's not true. I talk to people, you just… you don't understand," Hermione said, hitting her hands against the cushions in frustration.

Ron's face fell at her words and he sighed loudly, running his hands through his hair, defeated. "You're right Hermione. I don't understand and you don't want to explain it to me. So why should I stay here, it's not going to change anything. You clearly don't want my help."

He stood up and walked around the table to stand behind the opposite armchair, his features were pulled tight and his face, that had been tan from living out in the open, had taken on a sudden pallor that emphasised the bags under his eyes. Hermione felt a wave of anger surge through her. She might have been a bit guarded, but they hadn't tried enough to help her, to support her. They had abandoned her at the first hurdle and were running away as far away as possible so as not to deal with her. A small voice inside her head tried to convince her that she was being ridiculous, these were her friends they would never do anything to hurt her and would support her, but she quickly brushed the thought away.

"You're right," Hermione said, watching as Ron's eyes widened in surprised. "I don't need you here." His face fell and he visibly recoiled from the sheer spitefulness of her words.

"I don't need anyone around me who doesn't understand me. So leave with Harry, I don't care. I'll be better off without you."

"Mione," Ron moaned, staring at her with uncomprehending eyes.

"I said go. That's what you wanted isn't it?" She snapped, picking up the book she had been reading and opening it to where she had left it.

Ron stood staring at her for a while longer before he slowly shuffled out of the room. Hermione didn't look up as he left, her eyes blankly staring at the words on the page, her heart beating frantically in her chest.

* * *

Hermione crept into the empty room on the fourth floor, glancing over her shoulder to make sure she wasn't being followed. The one benefit of working with Remus was that she always knew which rooms were empty and for how long. With the constant coming and going of people in the house, it was useful information to have, especially when you wanted a little quiet time like she did now.

She hadn't seen or spoken to Ron since their fight, two days ago. She had gone too far and had regretted her words almost instantly, but by that time the mistake was already made. In a way, Ron had been right, they needed the space after having spent so long together in such tense environment something was bound to give. The revelation surprised her, when had Ron become the sensible one? How had their roles changed so drastically that she was the one getting hot headed.

She shut the door behind her with a soft click before making her way to one of the chairs using the dim light of her wand to make her way, not wanting to attract anyone by turning the lights on.

"You're going to have to find somewhere else to hide Granger," came the impeccable drawl of Theodore Nott. "I got here first."

Hermione jumped back in surprise, almost dropping her wand in surprise as her heart hammered in her chest. She took a deep breath to steady herself as she lifted her slightly trembling wand at him.

Theo was sprawled on the large double bed, a glass of Firewhiskey carefully balanced on his thigh. Hermione's eyes carefully scanned up his body, taking in his wand carelessly thrown across the bed and ending on his face.

She winced at the sight of it, even through the dim light Hermione could still make out the damage inflicted there. His left eye was swollen shut and the skin around it was a dark shade of blue. There was a deep gash above his eyebrow and a trail of blood had dried to a dirty brown down the side of his face.

"You should see the other guy," Theo said trying to smile despite the split lip that hindered him.

"What happened?" Hermione asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. She eyed the distance between her and the door as she tentatively took a seat on the small bench at the end of the bed.

It seemed reckless to stay alone in a room with an ex-Death Eater. But given the choice, she'd rather stay here than go back out and face everyone else and their sympathetic looks.

"I took Kingsley's offer and this," he said, lifting his glass and indicating his face, "is to make my story more believable to the Dark Lord. McLaggen took great pleasure with his task. Can't say the same about Macmillan, he was a bit of a wet blanket. Typical Hufflepuff if you ask me."

The Slytherin swirled the amber liquid in his glass before taking a sip, setting the glass down on the bedside table with a bang. Taking a deep breath he pushed himself into a more upright position, wincing as pain shot through his body at the effort.

"Why did you say yes?" Hermione asked. His decision went against everything she knew about Slytherins and their self-preserving ways. "You could be in a safe house away from all of this."

Theo picked up his glass and took another sip before pressing the cool glass to his sore eye. "Us Slytherins might not run recklessly into a situation to save someone like you Gryffindors do, after all, we value our lives too much. And who wouldn't, I mean look at me, it would be a shame to disfigure this face. But we protect those in our House, especially those we care for." Theo paused and took another sip from his glass before continuing. "Because if we don't who will?"

Theo's words took Hermione by surprise. She had never thought that there'd be more to Slytherins than their inherently evil and cruel reputation. She had judged them based on preconceived knowledge, had never tried to find out if what she had been told was true or not. She prided herself on not being fair but that wasn't the truth, she was just as bias as they were. Only she didn't go around spewing hatred.

"When I was captured, I left people behind who I promised to look after. If that means I have to go back and play nice with that maniacal snake face so be it, as long as I get them back,' he said with an air of fatality.

"Did you ever think that things would have been simpler if you hadn't joined them," Hermione asked, self-righteousness dripping out of every word.

"For a lot of us, following the Dark Lord was not something we ever wanted. It was something we were told to do. We were never given a choice. If we disobeyed we were killed. And only if we were lucky. There are some things that are worse than death."

The weight of his words hung heavily on Hermione's mind. She knew better than anyone the truth of that statement. The two of them sat in silence, his eyes fixed on the opposite wall, his eyes unfocused.

"Are you still responsible for your actions when someone else is making the decision?" He finally said, breaking the silence. Hermione was unsure if he wanted her to answer or if he was just voicing his thoughts.

"There are things that I have done and things that I have seen that would make anyone sick. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it. I thoroughly recommend drinking," he quipped, tipping his glass at her and emptying its contents in one gulp.

"It's not that easy for others though," he continued, his face taking a dark turn. "Daphne isn't dealing with it well. The memories, they haunt her. She wakes up every night screaming from the nightmares."

Hermione bristled at his words, retreating into herself. The conversation was moving into too dangerous a territory and it made her feel uncomfortable.

"When we are marked, they make us do all kinds of things to see if we are really worthy of joining their ranks. Whatever they made her do was enough to traumatise her for a lifetime. She was never the same after that. She wakes up in the middle of the night, screaming, her sheets soaked in blood from having clawed at herself in an attempt to escape whatever her dream was about. For a long time, she refused to talk about it, going around pretending that nothing had happened until it got so bad, she couldn't pretend any longer."

Hermione felt uncomfortable with the direction in which the story was going. She shuffled further down the bench until she was almost falling off.

"We sat her down and made her talk about it. It wasn't going to make it all go away but it meant that she didn't have to deal with it on her own, and we could try to help her through it. She was too embarrassed to admit that she wasn't coping. The thing is, none of us are, not really. Nobody should have to shoulder that kind of burden on their own."

"Why are you telling me this?" Hermione asked, an ominous feeling pervading her senses. "It's got nothing to do with me."

Theo snorted into his glass. "Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that one night, not long after you and the two bright sparks you call your friends broke into Gringotts I walked into Dolohov and a group of others making full use of the Malfoys Firewhiskey stock. Dolohov was bragging about the attack and how he had managed to corner and torture the 'Mudblood bitch.'"

Hermione visibly recoiled at his words as if they too held the power to inflict pain.

"He told everyone how he had used a Muggle techniques on her," Theo continued even after having noticed her reaction, he wasn't here to coddle anyone. "He told them how he had made the bitch scream out in pain, how he had made her cry, how he had made her beg. How he had Crucio'd her and then drowned her over and over again."

"Stop it !" Hermione yelled. STOP IT!" Her hands flew to cover her ears as she rocked herself back and forth, the images of that day flashing through her mind as Theo brought them to life.

Tears filled her eyes making the room look blurry. She jumped to her feet, stumbling slightly, as she rushed to the door, not noticing Theo attempting to push himself upright. Only knowing that she had to away from this conversation, this room, this nightmare.


End file.
